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Thank you.
Thank you for leaving me when I needed you most.
Thank you for being disinterested in my scars.
Thank you for dropping me when all I needed was to breathe.
Thank you for letting me drown in her patronization and sitting aside.
Thank you.
things are not as they seem.
Stuck between wright or wrong.
All my emotions that I feel so strong.
It feels like swimming without
finding the shore.
Grasping for air.
Trying to find this open door.
In darker night searching for light.
My words will filter my blind sight.
Finding peace in my soul.
My heart is unfaithful.
Keeping my head up.
Trying to keep my eyes from crying.
Outside I'm laughing but from
the inside I'm dying.
I dream of your tears like a midnight moon.
I feel your pain, but who can I trust saying that too?
Who would understand how I do?
Or why?
Why do you do that to yourself?
So that you cry?
I know how it feels to be alone.
To be so depressed you want to die.
I know that feeling all too well.
Just as I know your pain.
Can you help me make things the way they were meant to be?
I feel the blood running down my hand.
Was it all just a dream?
You collect your tears in a bell jar
for the day you run dry
you roll your memories over until they are smooth
like pie dough
you grapple with the inevitable
often afraid to move
so as not to awaken death
but listen to me, my friend
you have conquered life to reach this point
you have bathed in the sanctity of passion
and conjured imaginary places
while in the bliss of the finest music
you have beamed like the Sun
at the instant of creating new life
and turned numb with agony at the moment
of losing one so close
you have managed to elude the stones thrown your way
and graciously recover from the throws of failure
you have survived
do not fear or run from your impending leave
your mark is of tremendous value and expanse
to human kind
your love has healed and brought joy
your creations are you
and will continue to thrive in your name

embrace these days
be cleansed in your life's history
revel in your time
the title is a line from Bladerunner that I will never forget
i carefully typed out    
your love,    
a cascading serenade    
  
it read    
your **** is candy lemonade    
  
i flinched upon reading    
what i had not written    
never could i type such scurrilous lines    
i shook my head,    
regrouped and very carefully typed out    
your flaxen hair like silk caresses my soul    
  
it read    
your wet **** lips plush drools in pools   
  
deeply perplexed    
i did not write such lasciviousness    
am i going mad,    
i thought    
this can't be happening    
what will i do    
what will my publisher say    
***    
the advance to pay the rent    
i told myself get a hard grip    
  
and very very carefully typed out    
your eyes are azure waves of loves adoration    
  
there, i said    
see all is well    
as i watched each letter print out    
so very conscientiously    
thank gawd i thought,    
perfect    
barley blinked    
and looked down upon my work    
  
only to read    
your mouth a tender trove    
my **** for tender licks    
for pleasures grace stretched wide    
imploring lickity splits    
perhaps I'm a victim    
of hot *******' kisses ****    
or just some lost demons    
spasms writing  
Freudian slips
everything is subject to the
thin denim wear like his
old loose levis, things
get old, i think, people
sometimes.

don't it  make you laugh
the way everything still
carries on, solidifies
into the past and
becomes stop motion
memories clicking by
in a hundred frames
i've been waiting for
that film to fade
but it's still got
that nice sepia
tone that I
like to keep
around.
(c) Brooke Otto 2017

didn't like this one either.
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