if you took the time to lift the cover
of my book-of-self
you might just keep reading.

Green apples at lunchtime,
You were the only friend of mine.
We played in sand and built castles from our growing imaginations while we hoped our bodies would grow just like our minds so our hands could reach the monkey bars and… maybe one day the stars.
Back then I’d wish on those and hope you’d pinky-swear right back to always have an ear out in case I called for help.
Those were the days I’d spend making cards to send to you just because you might need to know that you were worth every glued-on sequin.
We stayed outside catching fireflies until the sun escaped and those jars were the only lights to guide our way.
Those summer breaks spent chasing salamanders, our fingers, our toes, warm river mud pressed between every one of them like an unofficial glue promising to keep us together.
All our thoughts concentrated on an everlasting summer,
No more school because we felt educated enough if we could be together all day.
I guess the river washed it all away, like the current wiping the mud out from between our toes, off our fingertips, off our minds your words turned cold,
Conversations dwindled and the best thing I could hope to come out of your mouth was hello.

And now you walk the way you used to walk when you made fun of girls on pageant shows.
Your lips are stained a perfect color of rose,
But you grow thorns when you speak.
Some say you flourished.
A blossom under fluorescence but I always liked things to be under incandescence. A phenomenon of light produced from our warm bodies under a shared blanket watching the stars, sharing our hopes our fears and our scars.
But now when the temperature rises it’s because you’re not looking at me anymore.
I’m a just another flower budding on your wall,
But, please watch me blossom before I fall.

i want a love that is tangible
like fresh, clean sheets warmed by the sun
and later, anointed with the sweat of our bare bodies

as i take you to the woods
trust me
as i walk with your hand in mine
follow
as i guide you through the dark
relax
as i hold you close to my heart
and remember
always remember
that i love you

i'm in love with a boy
but i change my pronouns to say that
i love her
because of the ones who cannot do so.
because of the lovers who have to hide.
because of the injustice people have done to people.
we are all equal in birth, but live in an unequal society.
i am simply another girl who loves a boy.
no questions asked.
no awkward glances, no stiff hands to shake.
no glares, no whispers.
because i'm privileged enough
to be on the side of love that someone deemed
acceptable.
and because i don't agree with having to pick and choose who you get to love
based on their possession of particular parts.
you love someone for their energy, their personality.
the way they hold you in the night.
the trust you share, the bonds you make.
you love them because you are you and they are they.
she loves her.
he loves him.
she loves him.
he loves her.
or her. or him.
the pronouns
should not
seem odd
to us.
but our society majorly consists of
gritted teeth and
disapproving eyes.
and because of this,
because i love someone
of the opposite gender,
and because i do not
suffer from any hate,
i will quietly fight
the cookie-cutter
for you
with pronouns
and poems.

she tears up her
humming-heart
and the broken wings
of that ******
humming-bird

we are spinning in a sea of cotton cloth
and swirling hues of happiness
the joy - contagious!
as you arrive
a wave of excitement hits us.
there's no need for clumsy intoxication -
we're drunk off good feelings.
this is the party of all parties
one that will never be blacked out.
you will not question what happened tonight,
but you will ask,  "was it real?"
don't worry about a ride home -
we'll sleep under the starlit sky
music booms out of the trees
we have the moon and white christmas lights
strung against the contrasting skies
to guide our dancing feet.
who cares what style?
we dance through it all -
hips sway and arms reach up to kiss open air.
never will we forget this night.
leave your phones at home,
to disconnect is the only way to  be connected.
there are no clocks -
a girl with stars in her eyes tells you,
"out with time!"
we go barefoot here,
for the moss kisses our feet so gently.
there is a piano over there, between two oak trees,
and we play our favorite songs
and partner up to half-stumble-half-waltz
to classical sounds.
when our feet grow tired
we make s'mores and tell stories
of our collective past.
do not worry,
for tonight we embrace our youth,
and toast to a brave new world.

the wolves call like hungry cats calling on the stairwell back home,
and i tremble in the night with my blankets wrapped around my frozen legs.
tonight is a night for letting go of the past,
but i can never forget the sounds of her broken-heart,
and the images of the mind that she lost to the twilight-sky.
tonight is a night for remembering the golden words spoken,
but my memory is bronze and i can't hear the sound of her songs in my mind -
only wolves and a breaking heart that beat out the rhythm of her love for me,
ever-slowing sounds like petals of a rose wilting by the window.

for better control, command yourself to return to your happy place.
shift into gear, delete your worries, give yourself the option to escape.
alternate which function you serve to bring brightness to your life.
turn up the volume, press play on peace.
don't keep tabs on your friends, trust that they will back you up when needed.
monitor your indulgences, keep an eye on your power,  and don't exhaust your system.
when you're tired, power off, and remember you can always restart.

your body sings in harmony with mine
one hundred hushed hymns of adoration
each kiss a silent prayer
each look in the eye a soul confessing
showing the bare truth of our beings

we have studied the lines of each other
memorized the scriptures on our skin
anointed with sweat
under a temple of holy white sheets

our love is an offering
we give all that we can