Everything feels incomplete
Like one part just keeps going on repeat
Same old story told in different ways
Halfway in, that's where the story ends
It just feels like something's missing
I can't get the thought out of my head
Even when I thought we were finished
I still wait for replies from you
All day
All night
I try not to look desperate
And so I count
The seconds
The minutes
Until the ache becomes too strong to ignore
My heart is torn
We're growing apart
And I can't tell if this is the good or the bad part
Probably the good
Cause when you finally leave
It'll be much harder

21-06-2020
© R.S.A.

It's funny how I love to hear the words;
When you say you love me,
My heart beats so fast - it's abnormal,
My smile gets so wide - it's illegal,
My mouth has to be covered so tight,
Cause saying "I love you" is a normal response to you.

It's funny how I love to hear the words;
But I can't say them back to you.
It's a promise that's too difficult to keep;
A commitment that I can't get trapped in;
And I'm sorry you have to suffer for my insecurities,
But I guess you should find consolation in the fact that it hurts me;
Cause that's the only gift I can currently give,
And that *****.

Your texts brought with them
Little busts of joy
I'm sorry I acted so coy.
Reading those words;
"I love you"
Boosted my self-esteem.
If I could be loved by you,
Then I'm worthy to be loved.
But then you destroyed me,
And now I constantly seek love and approval
From sources that don't even matter to me.
And that *****!

I hid behind that mask again;
That makes me look human enough to be loved.
All that time I thought of;
How repulsed you'd be if;
You caught a glimpse of the real me.
The more you express your love,
The more my heart sinks;
My smile dampens;
My mind freezes.
Cause I can't help but panic as I think,
"I must be a great actor,
Cause you can't see what's beneath this."
What happens when the acting stops?
That will probably mean the end;
Because the mask you love is too hard to keep up,
And eventually it will come off.
The real me is undeserving of your love,
And truly that *****.

I feel his presence behind
I hear the danger in his stride
I smell the trouble in his perfume
As he caresses my side.
The calculatedness of his every move
Automatically has me on guard
I turn around and look into deep, brown eyes
With a red glow in his irises
Must be a trick of the light
But I'm so afraid of the sight.
The air freezes
Or that could be me
Holding my breath in
Just an exhale and he could unleash
His wrath on me
I'm too scared of his wrath.
I wanted freedom and I found him
A bigger prison than I previously escaped.
All hope but one lost
I pray I live another day.

I can't believe you want me back
I've missed you.

Open up your heart
Love is waiting
To get in...