why does this happen every time
why are there so many happy families just not mine
why have i lost the one thing i cant find
why do i have a broken mind
and broken home
and scars from being left alone
and a fear rooted so deeply in my bones
knowing that i haven't grown and that ill be
6ft under with a stone
that says failure

i dont fit my roles
i dont act right
and when i think late at night
how im not pretty or skinny
im not feminine or masculine
im not smart or dumb
im not crazy enough for help but not normal
im trapped in my mind
im unable to see
that its mine that
I AM just me
and thats all i ever have to be

when I really need them
the words wont come
neither will art,music,or
the one who left the one I need
so I turn to the things that never leave
yes they're unhealthy ,yes they could **** me
but just for a moment these things
they fill me with the calm I seek
the peace I need
as the blood begins to leak
all my thoughts start to leave
and as the smoke rises up
my mind follows
so I don't have to think
or remember the pain
so I'm not the same
I'm funny and calm
its stupid I know
but don't tell me that
cause I remember when I had no where to go
you turned your back
you left me alone
to deal with the lack
of love or father or even a home
so I found a way
I struggled to cope
but now you come back
just to say
I'm not living right
like I have no clue
that you messed up too
then you claim you're a new person
that you've changed
but that doesn't matter
cause I'm still the same

a lie is almost always
rooted in fear
and leaves us with issues
in all we hold dear
relationships,friendships
it affects everyone were near
and always a lie leaves us with issues we are
expected to fix ourselves

gen·e·sis
/ˈjenəsəs/
noun
the origin or mode of formation of something.

I didn't know why he hurt me
but I wish I could forget
I don't remember when I started
but I wish I could quit
I couldn't make them love me
but I wish they'd take me back
I cant learn to be a part of the pack
but I wish they wouldn't leave me
i wouldn't be able to lie
and say i didn't wish i had a family
I wont survive if I jump
but I just wish I could fly

I flicker and struggle to stay on
for I know what happens on this lonely corner
when I'm gone
if I leave them in the dark, nothing good
in my neighborhood, where sirens ring
and sneakers hang
then I go dark - at least I went out with a
BANG!

some you see
some you dont
not all will heal
not all end in groth
i know youve heard
what dosent **** you makes you stronger
but thats not always true
some time it just makes you realize
no one will ever be there for you

I wish I could tell your that to be yourself is enough
but I can't because I know
assumptions will be made
based solely on your shade,your gender,age,or what you believe
but I want you to know you are enough for me
that someone loves you even though you may not see
but you need to be enough for you
cause if one thing I know is true
is you will never be happy if all you do is for another
yes you should be there for each other
but you should also live for you
but that is just some friendly advice
in the end you are accountable
for what you do

i see you
do you see me
i hear you
are you listening
i need you
you dont need me
I know that
you'll leave me
i ask you
do you love me

her skin was like mahogany silk
and hers was light as milk
his hair was straight
his was not
her skin was plain
and hers covered with dots
all of them different
no two the same
all of them lovely, each crafted with care
so i want you to know that your beautiful
from each hair on your head
to the tips of your toes

I love you
but I'm tired
of constantly chasing you
of always asking
what did I do
I'm tired of the lies and the games
and the constant wondering and pain

just because i said id take a bullet for you
didnt give you the right to shoot
just because i let you steal my heart
didnt mean you could tear it apart
just because you took my breath away
didnt make it ok for you to throw me away
just because you had my trust
didnt mean you could fill your heart with lust
but because you found another one
gives me every right to say were done

alone in your mind
                                you try not to think
                    cause It sends shivers
          down your spine
every time
       you remember
                 how the world seemed to freeze
                             deep and dark like December
                                                           It's over now
                                                                        but the pain
                                                                               still remains
                                                                          like a tattoo in your brain
                                            so you push it down you push through
                and remember the one that used to push you                             close your eyes and try to recall
                 all the things you used to do
                                                      together
                                                             forever, a promise they
                                                                                COULD NOT KEEP
                                        you slip into waters too deep to climb out
                                on your own
              searching for a home
longing for love
       praying you wont always be alone
                               that at the end of it all
                                             you'll have someone to call
                                                          or something to break your fall
                                  

                                 Ring.. Ring.. Ringgg...
                               oh **** is that my phone ?

everyone has theirs
to sooth their pain]maybe it started as a game
took them for fun
took them to sleep
took them to cope
Now you're in to deep
you think you need them
you really dont
you took them firsts
they took your hope

It's our little secret
no one needs to know
who left you beaten and bruised
and hungry and cold, so
you smile and nod
put on a show
and dread what will happen
when you go
back to that house
thats not a home

for years I've had to roam
never really finding home
I've always felt so alone
till you came into my life
though there's still pain and strife
I know now I'll make it through
as long as I have you
in all I do I try to impress them
to be accepted
as one of their own  
i don't like feeling
but i want you to know
just how much
it means to me
that y'all let me be
a part of your family

your beauty knows no limits
my love the same
yours is the most precious name
your caramel skin and copper eyes
and luscious lips that tell no lies
in your embrace all worry dies
if ive won your heart its the ultimate prize
id change everything for you
though you'd never ask me to
ill try to do
all i can to prove
i love you

I know you try
not to be like her
to be better
than you where
but anytime I look at you
I remember the things
you used to do
the words you said
the hurt you made
the holes you left
gifts you never gave
so don't ask me why
I can't connect
yes I forgave you
but no I wont forget

Sheltered in my thoughts of doom
My mind becomes a sealed tomb
To emptiness i am consumed
Yet in all of this i find a tinge of comfort
Hiding behind a mask of jokes and joy
Though i'm still depressions toy
I know i don't deserve no better
So i turn my pain into letters
But let my skin be the paper
Though i've found no eraser
For the damage that i've done
I know i'm not the only one

even with a map
I'd still get lost in those eyes
and weaving paths of twisted lies
played with my mind
gain my trust
now I feel I'm not enough
as I find
you and her for the
     THIRD.
          *******.
                    TIME.

I sink down deeper
gasping for air
farther and farther
your not there
you where supposed to raise me
to build me up
but I did that myself
I didn't give up
then I raised them to
with out you
did your part on my own
but now you tell me
to stop acting grown

when I was down
you built me up
when I was broken
you fixed me
when I needed you
you where there
when I woke up
you where gone

we all laugh
as the earth is dying
the rich smile
while the poor are crying
the world still turn
and fire still burn
and eat away entire forests
the hate and utter disregard for life
have filled out planet to the seams
its about to burst and so it seems
there will be nothing left for those to come
all because humans are so dumb

i dont think you understand
just what weve begun
nor can you comprehend
the monster ive become
the rage that now fills my heart
was love at the start
the peace we had
gone and i fear im going mad
and i know i need to leave
but this life weve formed
seems to call me back
it may be my low self esteem
or the childhood i lack
that led me to allow you to wallk all over me
crush my soul and stab me in
the back yet ill still say im sorry baby i love you
though ive committed no sin

you dont know the wind
till you feel its bitter cold
you dont know the breeze
till you see it move the trees
you dont know how much you need water
till you aint had none in days
you realize how much you loved them
till they go away
all im trying to say is
dont take life for granted
live in the moment
cherish each day
and please
dont throw it all away
im not telling you forget the past
or ignore the future
but dont let it define you
and dont be afraid
because tomorrow is not a promise
and your life is not just a legacy to be made