I see the way you look at her and laugh
inside jokes and all
even if your just friends it hurts
cuz' you just don't do that with me  
I see how angry you get with me,say you're on the game or napping or busy
I know you just don't want to speak with me
2 hours on R6
a whole night left on read
the promises you made often lie dead
I see when you'll talk to everyone except me
even my own best friend catch up to her in the hall way and flick her head
walk and joke
I just want to be dead
I'm glad you're friends
but I feel like this is the beginning of the end  
I see the "cousins" on your phone and wonder if  that's what they are
the love you once gave freely
for just a taste I must beg
late nights on calls
now spent crying in bed
but we're still together
and its ******* with my head
I try to talk or help you explain
but you tell me there's nothing
going on in your brain
almost all intimacy and affections
seems to be rebuffed
so still I must wonder
will I ever be enough

you called me pretty, but I didn't want to me pretty I wanted to be loved I wanted someone to care as much about me as I cared about them I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted a friend. you called me pretty and I wanted to tell you that I didn't like it but that would change everything. right? bc then I wouldn't be pretty I would be loud and ****** and confusing. even ugly perhaps. you called me pretty so I let you even when it felt wrong because then I was usefully and maybe for once you'd want to see the parts of me that weren't so pretty, you didn't but that was okay because I was pretty and that meant you would stay I mean I was pretty and easy as a child and he loved the same parts of me that you do now. so why fix what works why change what lets me escape from the fact that when I look in the mirror all I see is ugly knowing my pretty parts where taken far to young I was a flower forced to bloom then thrown to the grown no roots or water in the shade of a willow far to larger to escape. but that doesn't make sense its confusing, right? so I'll keep that  to myself and smile when you call me pretty but don't even know the color of my eyes because I know I will never earn that respect or demand your attention but I will always be your home when you're lonely so then I can know I'm fixing someone when I cant fix myself loving someone tho never feeling loved will be worth it. I think. I mean I hope you love me but its hard to tell I mean sometimes I wonder if we would even talk if I didn't ask to call or about your day I mean do you wonder at all how I'm actually doing I mean you barely even ask and when you do and I answer you end up getting mad. anyways I'm sorry for this what did you say ?oh yes it was- you look very pretty today