It's November, I feel the war is almost over,
Poland will find peace again. But the war has taken me,
for I only feel the blackness of sorrow,
all of my strength is falling apart.

Oh, my spirit is falling, falling like the purple sunset,
My beloved,  
   I'm fading in the cradle of your prayers
All my soul is hungry for strength,
   the sweat under my side
and the thorns of confusion and heaviness
are only growing stronger.

Keep me awake, dear.
   Tell me about when we met,  when you
smiled with curiosity  when you first saw me.
  Tell me about the time when we hid and laughed
behind the schoolyard,
   right by the flower fields where we played hide and seek.
The time when our souls  only sung with power and laughter.

Now beneath our old house, our home, I can't hide anymore.
I can't hide the hurt, the pain, the sorrow, but I do know
the flames of grace burns over and over, so don't you cry.
The psalms we use to sing, they also heal, yes, they also heal.

So remember me,

   and the star I gave you, for then I'll be with you,  

near the altar of your heart,
by the silver rivers of memories and love, because then

I'll always be your hero and heart,
your wildfire within.

Crying can happen so gently...
But oh god does it hurt
When you're curled up crying so hard
You think you might scream,
But your throat constricts
And all that you could ever muster
Is an unintentional mangled squeak of raw emotion.

I Feel you so often
I see your presence everywhere
I see you in myself
I am becoming just like you
But i dont no you
You have changed so much
I dont want to be you
I want to be happy
In which you are not
You are depressed
You dont admit it
But i can tell
Because i used to be just like you
But now i am happy
I am stronger than ever
I wont let you bring me down
Not any more
Not this time

This hunger plaguing my body is . . .
Terrifying
and all consuming.
Nothing
will satisfy this . . .
Starvation
no amount of food can quell this hunger.
Just thinking about meat
makes me want to throw up until
the very thought is
buried in the ***** on the floor beneath me.
Thinking about fruit,
my favorite green apples,
and I want to throw up until
the very thought is
buried in the ***** of thoughts on the floor beneath me.
Thinking about food in general,
even my favorites,
and still
all I want to do is
***** out the taste of such
Vile thoughts.
Even so I frantically search for food.
Nothing is appealing
still I take a bite of an apple.
Swallowing I grimace,
my belly grumbles,
and I feel sick.
No matter the things I scarf down
it comes right back around
soon after.
I miss ice cream and meat
yet at the thought
my mouth waters as my throat constricts
just waiting to retch up the contents of my stomach.
Even when there’s nothing left.
And yet all the while
my belly grumbles,
Starving for something.

To the way you smiled
To the dimples in your cheeks
To our walks at the creek
The loved we shared
I cannot speak
Im lost in words
I feel so hurt
I have lost the only love i have ever felt