As a child
I quickly learned that if I blinked several times
and took a few deep breaths
I could stop myself from crying whenever I wanted
and it worked
From child to teenager
no one had ever seen me shed a tear
and I saw this as my own power
to hide my weak self from others
I could be strong
and benefit from my own shield
but it also made me seem detached
with the ones I cared for the most
I feel that one day It’ll happen
I will burst into tears after years of waiting
but I fear
If I start crying
I just may never stop.