I know of this exact thing I do pushing people away from me when I can't hide my insecurity I say "am I wrong, I'm scared" just to make them run away from me
I met so many so careless I'm sorry So sorry I have to be honest
My view is always a blur constantly making me believe in wrong ideas my mind loves to perceive
And seeing how sometimes they come true against better judgement I followed through It makes me look like a fool So what is there for me to do than to think the same of you
"Get over it, we all hurt" "Try to forget, don't be absurd" "Maybe stop being so emotional" "You could be more sociable" If I could say how desperately I would if there was a way to show I could I thought being unapologetic would be better than feeling pathetic But it seems like either way I'm the one that drifts away Into this ocean of sickness making me feel worthless
Though these thoughts I hate the most I fight feeling useless I want to know my worth
Oh how I struggle to make them see I'm not the words that come out of me I don't want to feel anxious I don't like to be sad And I feel so pretentious it might drive me mad
And how this thought of losing my mind sometimes seems way too kind Like such a relief of a brain always screaming almost a sort of dignity I could retrieve thinking madness could be redeeming Calming but terrifying all the same For the bliss would I really not care to forget my own name?