It has been four
whole months
since you’ve left,
your jacket
still hangs in my closet
and you still have a
draw full your stuff in
my dresser.

We never celebrated
valentines day - yet
I still think of you
and our misfortunes -
of our three year path
that lead to
heartbreak.

Often I break down
I sit on my
knees and pray
that you never meant
the things you said -
I keep your number
saved in my phone
with hearts and x’s and o’s
just in case you call me

which, you have
when you’re drunk or high
when you’re trying to remember
why you hate me -
why my world crumbles
when you’re around
I can’t see straight or
hear the words coming out your mouth
everything you do
for better or for worse
just sounds to me like
you saying

“i love you”