Rose Sep 12
Sad

⦁                                                        I
                                              ­         just
                                                      want
 ­                                                 someone
        ­                                      to talk to. All
                                          I need right now
                                     is a shoulder to cry on,
                                a kind word, a loving smile.
                            The kind of silent understanding
                          you feel with someone who knows
                         you inside and out. I just want to be
                         loved, not for what I can give some-
                           one, not for how hard I can make
                            them laugh, but literally just for
                                 who I am. Someone who
                                    loves me despite me.


               Despite my flaws and cruel words and harsh
                          thoughts and lonely feelings. I'm
                                    tired of feeling like a
                                                burden.
       ­                                             I'm
                ­                                  tired
                         ­                           of
                                   ­              being
                                                   told
                                                 what
                                                     I
                                                   am
                                                  and
        ­                                         what
                                                     I
                                               should
                                                strive
   ­                                                to
                                                   be.
                                                Why
                                                  do
     ­                                           you
                  ­                        deject me?
                             Why do you neglect to see
                    that I'll be on this shelf for eternity?

© Rose 2017
I'm confident in myself and in who God created me to be... but it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on sometimes.
  Aug 23 Rose
RisingUp

Breathtaking views
of undisturbed nature.
This is where my heart lies.

The lapping of the water
The cool gentle breeze
As the dock creaks and sways.
I am content.

Barefoot in the grass
The cool earth beneath my feet
The smell of the air is rustic and sweet
Frogs hop away
Your step they hope to beat
This is where my heart lies.

Breakfast on the deck
Sun shines in your face
Skin warm and bright
Your senses filled with grace.

Pitter pattering in the kitchen
Laughter abounds
Friends and family come together
Peace is found
This is where my heart lies.

As I stare at the bay
Stress and concerns float away
A dip in the water
Or a paddle too
Ventures you into the never ending blue.

As the sun sets
and crickets chirp
The stars appear
Lighting the sky
This is where my heart lies.

Crackles from the fire
Music resonates in the air
Stories that inspire
Friends and family that care.

This place is special
Wondrous and enchanted
Magic all around,
Absorbing nature's sounds.

This is where my heart lies.

Rose Aug 16

He promised me a stretch of stars
as far as my eyes could strain to see
but He left me with the universe,
inconceivable as that may be

He promised me a hand to grip
when overwhelming fear takes hold
but He lifted me from that dark place
with sturdy wings of pure gold

He promised me protective armour
to defend against the strains of life
but He sent an army before me
to take - head on - my daily strife

He promised me unending grace
to relieve me of crippling shame
but what He gave, I'll never repay...
He promised me LIFE
                           in His eternal flame

© Rose 2017
God is the only One who exceeds His promises infinity-fold, 100% of the time
Rose Aug 9

Last night I felt as though
a hundred thousand bricks were placed
one on top of another upon my chest
and the pain -
it was surreal, unreal
too real to ignore

Today, with gritted teeth
I braved the open road, asphalt keen
on my heels, determined to overcome
this weight, heavy on my heart
and today,
today I met another
weary traveller
with a weight so heavy she could
not hold her tongue any longer.
She cried out in pain
and as I lifted the load from her back,
my own became a little lighter

Today, I took a deep breath
and plunged into a room overwhelmed
with light, so much chatter, too much
attention, too many eyes.
I braved it,
and when I did, the least suspecting
person gave voice to his inner demons,
admitting to panic attacks
that overtake his body, leaving
him paralysed
and for the first time
in a long, long time

I didn't feel so alone

And as I felt the rush of relief
from his unburdened breath,
I felt my own   (burden)
lighten
just a little bit more

And as I saw others around the room
nodding in approval, recognition,
understanding, perhaps

I felt this weight,
once so heavy upon my chest -
lift, take flight, and disappear into the
open sky, sun setting, settling
down to rest

© Rose 2017
  Aug 9 Rose
Caroline Grace

Concealed depression is
Buying water proof mascara
So you won't have to reapply makeup
after each daily breakdown.

Concealed depression is
Laughing at everything
so they won't question
why your eyes always water.

Concealed depression is
staying up until 4 a.m
because it's the only time
you can ignore the world
and no one will notice.

...Or concealed depression is
taking three melatonins
in hopes you'll sleep deep
enough to keep the terrors at bay.

Concealed depression is
Staying consistently busy
So your mind will be too exhausted
at the end of the day to fight you.

Concealed depression is
the impatient selfish monster
that burns bridges as you cross them.

Concealed depression is
feeding yourself lies like
"I'm fine" or "I won't cry".

Concealed depression is
the uphill battle that you don't get to win once;
it's a mountain you're forced to climb every single day.

Concealed depression is
silently screaming, hoping someone
will have super sonic hearing,
swoop in like a bat,
and carry you under their wings.

Concealed depression is
never hugging too tightly
or meeting a gaze too intensely
in case your guts may slip
out before you can catch them.

So when they accuse you of changing,
when they accuse you of rage and indifference,
of violence and apathy,
when they ask why you never called,
when they ask why you never told them,
all you can say is that concealed depression
is like an overbooked hotel and there's only room for one.
All you can say is that you were afraid
Your darkness would drown them too
and then there would be no one left to save you.

Rose Aug 1

when the earth starts to shake
and the waters get rough
when my ship starts to sway
Your grace is enough

when sadness consumes me
and the tears start to fall
when my heart is so heavy
Your mercy stands tall

when there's nothing to say
no emotions to feel
when numbness sets in
Your justice appeals

when I fall to my knees
with hands raised above
when I am unworthy of
Your endless love

when hope is but gone
and darkness surrounds
when nothing feels safe
Your comfort is found

when blindness ensues
and deafness too
when meaning is lost
I turn...

I turn to You

© Rose 2017
Rose Jul 23

Truth is, I didn't move a hundred miles
away for a change of scenery
but the memories are stuck
to the soles of my shoes, every road
I travel leaves a trail of them behind
and I'm stuck there,
in the past
with the familiar scent of failure
and that feeling of being a thousand
feet up in the air with too much air in my
ears, only it's in my lungs
and it makes me stop breathing
for a little       too                         long
and sometimes I try to stare through
myself in the mirror, wondering—
Am I willing to accept the
idea that this might be all there is to me,
heavy hearted and weary
like a traveler
who has walked so far only to find
there is a home within her very bones
but that this home is
broken, and probably always
will be?

© Rose 2017
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