PRETTY POISON

You try to call me
To make me feel you
Being broiled alive in a turmoil
that I can't.......even breathe

Your profession of love
Yet, permeate the disillusionment of my soul
Now i feel suffocated, utterly suspended in loss  
Sickened by the sight of myself, stuck in this hole.

When you do look at me
It is only with degradation,
I am just a prisoner within myself ,
Your deceit and support is a complete contradiction.

Have I become such a burden to you?
Because my choices in life are against your advice
You can't change who I am, that's who you loved at the start.
Once a burning fire for me, now only a heart of only ice.

The scales are tipped to your side
You are adored and respected by all.
I am the outsider, I'm not disullioned
Now, we can all buy a ticket and watch me fall

Always alone in a room full of people?
What would it mean if no one cared if you ******* died?
Have you ever put yourself in my shoes, even for a moment?
Crying myself to sleep every night, humility taking the place of my pride.

I can't turn back the clock
To alter the damage that has been done to you
I battle emotions and memories that ache, all bottled up inside
Don't worry about being subtle, I can take a cue.

Hear my words, I'll only say them one time
Certainly can't allow you to use me for a doormat or a lame.
I've made mistakes, but I'm an adult willing to take the blame.
You've done your job, I am leaving to end this crying game.

Feel the love inside my heart,
Like you used to before.
Or just end this agony before I end it all.
The pain I feel is churning inside me, deep within the core.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Can't you see I continually apologize for what has been done.
I'm losing my mind and I'm worried that I may do something I will regret.
Like hurt myself or hurt someone else, tired of seeing the barrell of your gun.

Pretty poision or siren you say I am
Such a shame you can't take credit for your own symptoms,  
By poisioning my thoughts you think I'll forget who I am....
So, you can sit there and complain while you **** your thumb.

But, the difference between you and me
Is that I know God is carrying me through these times.
He is the one that will be there with the Book of Life.;
Only God can judge me for every sinful crime.

Should I surrender again?
Sensing your pernicious, reeking breath on my neck....
Stinking like stale beer and nicotine
Does he realize that he is a train-wreck.

**** me harder, i will always say
I must like it when it hurts me this way.
Seeking anger and destruction within my heart of sorrow.
Realizing the detriment to my soul, I won't be here another day.

Inside the depths of my soul,
I must bid you adiew...
When I depart from you forever
I will finally feel brand new.