Happiness is,
my Mother's lasagna on a dark evening
spring warmth on my freckled shoulders
the chickens in the garden laying eggs
on a Sunday morning
Polaroid shots of my brother eating chocolate cake
a tidy bedroom and fresh floral scented bed sheets
squeezing into unworn skinny jeans
icy baths on hot days
coffee and cake dates
receiving good grades after months of studying
a hot batch of crispy French fries
bouquets of flowers on the mantelpiece
"I love you" messages
a juicy apple with that perfect CRUNCH
grains of sand seeping between my toes
the smell of cut grass
and a hug from my grandmother

I remember how my world turned blue
everything I saw was blue
like we were under water now
like when we fell asleep we were in the ocean
but sometimes we were red
like when you slapped me for no reason
Like when you said you want to hurt me
Like the ocean turned to blood and
I was going to drown
but then you said you love me
and I could breathe again

the bright side
of the moon
is something seen quite rarely
the bright side
of the moon
is percieved as never scary
but let me tell you, dearest foe,
brightness is riddled with woe
happiness is just a myth
and being sane just lasts a blip
when you're stuck inside a mind
where all your thoughts are crude; unkind
wanting to escape this pit
isn't frequent, never a hit
i like being here;
the dark side of the moon
( in fact i'm in my house, trapped in my room )

Bless me with the bullet
Please me with the knife
Charm me with the tablets
I want you to end my life
Drown me in the ocean
Take me out to sea
Save me from my beating corpse
Let my soul be free
Burn in me in the fires
Melt me in the flames
Erase me from your memory
Ever forget my name
Lock me in the cellar
Don't let me escape
Til I'm weak and thin
And my pulse no longer shakes
I want you to send me six feet under
**** me in the rain and thunder
I am mentally unwell
And I think living life is hell

last night I dreamt of a world with no money,
100,000 sunsets passing without a clash of a coin,
and the ghastly humans with copper under their nails
who spend all day dreaming of having gold there instead,
were nowhere to be found. Lurking near the oak trees
(which always stand, perpetual and insistent)
are aliens with smiles (perpetual and insistent)
who only feel happiness (that strange, absent feel)
and have free time to do free things with free minds
and don't have mankind's titanic burden of worry.
in my dream state I dreamt of states with no war,
poverty or famine, and I dreamt of leaders leading
and people peopling, and indeed the leaders lead
with no other incentive than purely to lead.
no money built walls between homes and lands,
no barriers put up between the wild untamed landscapes
nothing stopped people from traveling their world
that their ancestors created for them and seeing the
sights before they pass to the next stage, all of life
being free of charge, if that were a thing.
money never happened and no man laid awake at night
(or in a deep calm dreaming state) wishing of a world
with money. what would we offer the dreaming man?
a world of misery pain greed and men who dream of
the world the first dreaming man is in? no. it is
ludicrous and ridiculous.
last night I dreamt of a world with no money,
and I turned my head on my pillow and tried to dream
of a lonelier world.

Again
They unite
Joining forces
As if some kind of army
I am expected to partake
In this family unity
But I feel too intellectually superior
To converse with them
And their simple minds

I'm drowning in a darkened sea
the night is cold and lonely
no clouds or stars
just the moon and me
my only witness
shedding light down upon me
so I don't die in the dark
I gasp for air
feeling my body being weighted down
with tears falling
the sea kisses them away
help me help me I cry
but no one hears me
there's just the moon
watching the sea strangle me.

I tried to move the ocean
One puddle at a time
But my bucket was
Full of holes
And now the sand is too wet
For castles