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if i dig deep enough
surely i will find

true root of you
all i need of you
never given

once denied it seems
i must pine as tree to be
obsessively in love but perhaps

tis only envy, mortography
memorography, encapsulating me,
it won't last, tis just a mood

nothing a spell cannot be unspelled
but letters & songs they matter
more than we imagined
we are caught in between what

we felt then & where we want to be

who knows where

the time

goes?

remaining mortal is
curse enough
our love is mortality
writ in water, not dust

thus it lives on

because I wrote

it so
fast tracking these
once we were one, so close
now turncoat in lakes of
oleander, creeks run poison
we two betrayed

what stolen ideal cast
in stone against her?
my anima still wants love
from me, yet twists on proverbial

dime

coats were rejected
colors negated, unflown
prisoner of tumble town
chained like a queen

a shanty wish disregard
so no wings, air of nonesuch
grace barrio color to fly

in my mind, sleeping
mariachis playing loud,
my anima rescued me

real,  such desert here
just my shivering id
skinned seal, bad memory

still hopeful still here
surely mi anima mi alma
will grant my dying

wish

I am the traitor of my anima
I am a traitor to my anima.
trai·tor
ˈtrādər/
noun
noun: traitor; plural noun: traitors

    a person who betrays a friend, country, principle, etc.
    "they see me as a traitor, a sellout to the enemy"
    synonyms: betrayer, backstabber, double-crosser, renegade, fifth columnist;
why capture ****** or knave
without purpose?

why indeed, asked
her majesty moon

only for scarifice
or sacrifice

everything holds a purpose
inherent to itself

mother really is
necessity of all
w/help from the Chief
want to fight you with all I got
but here in the desert I am dust

dust got no fight, no will
here I lie, in wait

dust always wins
wanting to win is pointless
everything is supposed to be
mappable by someone

but we are nothing
to be found by anyone

twinned, tied so tight
got no breath

that you have not
breathed into me

you are no road,
just a distant planet

in a dream
this poem could be anything to anyone
your pain fills us with sorrow
we love you like parched earth
loves clouds of rain

we dream you
healed, happy
drifting

a happy sky
full of love
& rain once

again

sensually bringing
such beauty to
all this world

generous & sweet
you are always
in our hearts

Jamahdi

we
love
you
Jamadhi, you have always given so much to this poetry website. So much love, and support, to me, I know, personally, you have been an inspiration, a support, and a source of many things in my writing. You made me feel like I could write about things I had never written about, and then gave me the equivalent of a standing ovation when I did write about them. You were a teacher and a friend. I wish you healing and strength on your journey now. I wish for you all the love for you in your direction that you have sent out to me, a person you didn't even really know this last couple of years. I will be sending you many thoughts, Jamahdi.
In the drop of a hat
The mood changes
The boiling point is happening
Steam is filling the air....
KABOOM!!!!!

Explosion has now taken place
Watch your step for the fallen debris
Proceed with caution...
I’m scared you’re going to be
The one who finally breaks me
My trust you betrayed
Cut my heart with your blade

I cannot take much more hurt
My brain is on high alert
I have to protect the pieces of my fragile heart
I’ve told you this from the start

I don’t understand why you hurt me still
You knew I’d do anything at your will
I never expected you to play games
I believed every one of your claims

I want to trust you
To know everything as true
I’ve never felt so afraid
These feelings I’m trying to evade

I love you more than I should
It’s bad for my livelihood
I am trying to forgive
But I’m running out of trust to give
Building trust
Is like building a house of cards
One wrong move
And everything we built
Is destroyed
Our cards are on the table now
Shall we attempt to rebuild?
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