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Love In Hiding Dec 2016
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was i meant to love her?
allow all her secrets to seep
between my bones, kiss
my collarbone..run secrets
against my skin.

her eyes have shown
a flaming old soul
a sweet smile to have hid
where her mouth has been.
even when my thoughts
grow wary and  life
seems to caution me at
entrance,
to a heart made of shredded
moments and had darken over
with fear.

they say light attracts dark
and those who live
with all heart are betrayed
and yet i cant remember a face
but a soul. who never left ,
who stayed,
and a unrequited feeling

i have kissed many men
and still have not regain trust,
sensual and heavy handed
with secrets held caged.
Prisoned and slandered,
kissed and no standards.
How could you, grow a broken
soul?

her eyes had shown
a flaming soul; though
not ready for love.
i tuck my heart in, i draw
my bones in.
Bind up a heavy love, a heavy secret.
an unrequited angel
left alone and uneeded.
Love In Hiding Feb 2017
you grew on me like skin
And i remember looking
into your eyes and finding kin
i wish we had hung around longer
but i know u do not miss me
And moments that held me..
vacated you and i
Love In Hiding Dec 2016
overthinking breaks my heart

soft shades
and lost days
i find daydreams
dissolving to worries,
and theyve said for me not
to worry abt the bad things
cause they just past
and its only temporary
bottled up, and carried weight.
i can feel so many pains.
i'm a shady gray
on these temporary
lost days.
Love In Hiding Apr 2016
We were broken lovers too soon.
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
i was a selfish antidote,
tied by the rope she collaborated with words
unsaid memories
i moved coldly between her fingers tips
made her sweat, and sleeveless
warned her about my doings
as she climbed on top of me
and slowly began murdering me
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
Standing barefoot on cold floors, i watch the plant in the window as i swallow the white capsule whose job it is to terminate the throbbing in my membrane, and i am a spinning blur, and i am wondering can you hear the voices that are screaming out of me at this time.

at this moment, the rain has stopped and i am finished with my deed, the window looks like  soil with paint thrown into watery waves.
walking back to my territory, i drop on both knees, suddenly and face first i fall into the couches cushion. repeats: "take me out of here take me out of here take me out here." until my breaths gives up on playing dead, and my face is purple and red.
I stand on wobbly knees, face feeling like a Southern summer day, I am thinking of you  and I move on.
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
here comes melancholy he's singing in my ears and he's come to comfort me. I put the pen down on the ink stained paper and say hello. He is distracted but he sits on my lap and slithers between the spaces between my fingers. I ask him did he see her today, and he says he did. I ask him did she seem sad, he says she did. I ask him did she think of me. he says she did not.
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
your tears are
burning holes
in my conscious
you didn't
deserve this
Love In Hiding Aug 2016
so you wouldn't
have to wait
for the last petal
to fall off your rose
i got love for you,
unknown to ordinary reality,
dreamt up too soon
she bled,
she bled,  
straight out on paper
no mend
no love to attend
we parted
no love
no contend.
she bled
and i began to feel
her rotten bones,
we didn't
bend
us,  in eachothers head.
i drove you mad,
and you bled
and i began to bend.
i began to break.
Love In Hiding Aug 2016
i could be your mate
at the coffeeshop,
pure interactions
and no room to bend,
eyes on us.
cause they can insists
how black our coffees are,
how sweet we are,  behind cold teeth.
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
waking me up without saying farewell
to the ties i have knotted in my dreams
because reality unties them without asking.
waking me up without warning
you speak through cold hard teeth life is what you make it,
living through dreams will only drown your luck.
face facts, i'd rather face your face and kiss it in my dreams

in my dreams
you are waking me up to a hollow grave
cause your love is dead to me
like roseless stems and winter tree limbs

waking me up from daydreams
you said i should be here not there
but in reality i am falling to pieces
in my dreams i am collected into one gallery of what i want to be
and isn't that so wrong?
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
i was already
                                a floating

         ghost

(you didn't understand)
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
the smell of her
lingers on the
flannel that she held.
the flannel reminds me
of home,
not here. but her.
wherever i am with her is home.
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
we saw the sun through the tree's

and found something in ourselves






     *komorebi (n.) sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
the cat knows
my tears better
than anyone at
12 am, she slithers
near me and watches
the sad teen cry his
eyes in a millions ways
doesn't understand that
the past keeps slipping
in his way. gnawing at his
appetite and chewing on his
brains. ******* hell,
i have been crying for
three days, and mother
calls and she's reminding
me of everything i shouldn't miss
this is the third night,
i've cried salty tears
and held my sobs in
sticking to my lungs
i **** the time and
fall asleep. wake up
next time.
Love In Hiding Mar 2014
anime and leaving your place at 11 pm
buses and you crying in front of me
crying in front of you and video games
you left me a faint memory
i will feel it everytime i listen these
songs i listened to on the bus ride home.
Love In Hiding Jul 2016
Love is a free thing
So free and flightless
No strings attached
To this airy thing
So tangled and loose
Rose in our hearts,
Tightened our own grips
And forgot true meaning
Love needn't any obligations
No rules no ties
Love is so lovely it comes in all size...
Love is carried , wisped
I love you I am not
Afraid
I loved you
It feels free to love
All things
No strings attached
Heart fully on line
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
Maybe it was something in the air that chased my lust into black holes.
Maybe it was love that shoved me six feet under and melted my appetite.
Maybe it was her.
And maybe it was me.
Maybe it was nothing.
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
i am stopping in the middle of intersections, wondering if you think of me.
if i get hit by a car, you were the first and the last thing on my mind and i died hoping i was on yours.
Love In Hiding Aug 2013
every monster finds it way to my paintbrush. and paints itself and its story.

monsters write themselves in blue ink, idling aphotic shadows, luring near floors, unable to view themselves as nothing more than weak mindless creatures who yearn to be seen as beautiful and not fearful creatures that hide in dark spaces. They want to be drawn and written about, painted and noted. They want to know if they have some place in the world that fears them.
the voices are faded distorted whispers, glitched between my thoughts and the floorboards
they will not let me sleep until they have their stories told.
Love In Hiding Feb 2017
im waning my own moods
weaving and finding my way thru
the Wilderness
that is the mess of me
from thick untamed roots
to my the temple of  crown
to my chipped and toes
I am a pile of bones, missed phone calls,
forgetting and late night regrets. Text messages and dial tones and
unconditional love.
Love In Hiding Mar 2015
Put your hands in my palm and hold me
I know I know the world is harder than I thought
There’s no need to punch me in the throat for speaking my mind
My head all wrapped in this place and I got seem to die out

So I lie in bed
Wandering am I missing everything that I didn’t see, everything that I could’ve been
Swimming between the lines of the people who bite my skin
Throwing me into the ocean, and watching me as I drown

I’m feeling good again
And then words sink in again and im falling back in

So I lie in bed
Wandering am I missing out on everything in the end
Everything so lost to me now, im gonna find how.

And I can’t leave my head anyway

Put your hands around my neck, and tell me to live
Throwing me into the ocean and watching me as I drown.
this is more of a song than a poem but yeah
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
i sleep in a empty nest
that i created for myself,
Love In Hiding Aug 2016
im only paranoid
that they are holding
me caged in
but i know now
freedom exists
within.
Love In Hiding Mar 2015
we said we wanted to be painters, and we wanted to paint the world as we see it,but we can’t paint worth **** and then we wanted to write because we needed someone to understand but no one under stood the words we uttered so in printed words it  dissipated because they didnt seem legit, and we said we wanted to live as artist, and we wanted to the world to be  our canvas and that we didn’t want anyone to tell us a thing. We wanted to be in bands who wrote soundless music with bare hands and posted them on sites that only the “great new age.” would download onto their iPads. We were inspired by artist and freelancers and wanted to live there and be there but we ended up nowhere because wherever that world is, doesn’t exist. Our religious parents spoke to live in a certain stance, but we felt awkward between the priers with people with folded hands and closed eyes. So we felt like nothing, and then we were between nothing.

We thought we’ve better abandoned a religion who told us that we could not hold hands under the name of a Man who would in exchanged for our love we had for each othre he would burn our skin over and over in a pit because who were we to fall in love?

We thought we’ll find ourselves in otherworldly gods and goddesses, statues of morphed species, and none of this took us off our feet.  We were floating space cadets and lost souls and people who were messed up in some way or another.

In other words we refused to live for each other, our individual belonged to printed posters, artistic words and longing.

What do we have to give back?
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
i am scattered everywhere
from fingers tips that bend, to toes that curl.

i am sleeveless in my journey, that everyone who touches me causes my bones to shatter
i am a swollen sore that won't leave
i am scattered pieces no one bothered to pick up and put away,
the dust no one bothered to dust.
i am a broken jar, i am a missing piece.
i am tangled parts that can never be untangled,
i am scattered everywhere, and nowhere at once.
Love In Hiding Dec 2016
when will i stop trying
to find someone else
to give love to me?
weak bones, strong heart.
i reach through deep
hallow waters and find
the bottom of everything.
included in 9 pieces
Love In Hiding Dec 2016
cannot create a thing anymore
threaded from thoughts the spool has been used to the very last,
do you see?
i have became what i hated
gray areas and words faded.
No truths and dead lies on paper,
I read between lines, but
my words have become
nothing but everybodies style.
I wanna reach and contain it,
Remember / obtain it.
Sitting here with the timekeepers
hand on my fingertips,
do you know what i mean?
of course you don't /
something dies / and i cant explain what i need.
all lines included in winters zine 2016
Love In Hiding Mar 2015
remember the dramatic wind of my voice
when I'm speaking out and you can't hear me

you tell me i don't speak loud enough
but it's only because the wind carries my voice

and in my throat i am a ghost to my own words
even if they say the things you say is the first thing you hear
Love In Hiding Dec 2016
you see me weak
i give you anything you need...
down on my knees
i held on to his first words
thats all i need....
nice ***, good check and loyalty...
Love In Hiding Mar 2015
I read poetry on your blog
and now I'm thinking of the
way you looked at me on
the bus ride and how I
felt safe surrounded
by strangers and how
we looked so good together,
you and i and the moon
and the sunrise, too bad
we never realised until
the states parted us
Love In Hiding Mar 2015
where would i kiss you?
if i could kiss you?
Love In Hiding Mar 2015
My dreams, when I awake, make me feel so alone.

I'm dreaming of butterflies who speak that change is good but I wake up with the world collapsing on my head and shivering under two blankets over my head.

I'm dreaming of a ****** moon and sitting beside you sharing a cigarette I'm dreaming of sun rays through my fingers and large beds shared with you

I'm dreaming of full moons and open skies, driving reckless and being a ghost in my own world I wake up and I am cadet on blankets and soundless in my own body.

I'm dreaming of screaming, and yelping, and darkness around me, doors closing fast and locked doors unlocking before my eyes and waking up feeling like a safe bet.

Only to know that I'm running away from the truth that lies beneath me.

I'm dreaming of a new me, whose screaming. "This place is suffocating!" and wake up seeing the same jail with no bars but walls that block the sun.

I'm dreaming of coming out of hiding and finally realizing, a voice tells me to step forward but I am still falling backwards when I wake up and my wide open eyes have forgotten the visions.
Love In Hiding Aug 2013
i'm so sorry for being so cold,

my heart runs away from me from time to time
Love In Hiding Dec 2016
theres dark spaces between my bones
that she has not crept on and
there are soft spots i have not spoken of
kept wrapped and gauzed
and waited when she would
hold the kiss she knew where to plant
there are places that are lonely
inside my head that she
cannot fill, for a heart like
mine could hide away
the loveliest lover and the
faintest lies.
theres no heart beat
loudest enough in this dark forest
for a lover to hear the sound”
— there’s no heart beat loud enough
Love In Hiding Dec 2016
had frozen.

feeling abaded.

troubles rumbled quacks under surface  Hidden.

And so peak inside, dreams set to the side. Met you in a strange time and then things began to collide.

feeling jaded.
and now my fingers are cold,
thoughts are broken in pieces,
i worked on a habit
while she worked on her talent.

voice mail is silent and messanges never returned soon became the monster whove hurt me in return

return favors im the wrong hands
everybodies blinded on the right side.
Love In Hiding Mar 2014
I get up from the bed and head to the closet door, I felt eerily aware of the error  that hung in the air, that drifted inside of me. There was an error. I stare at the wooden closet door in a sudden state of error. I was an error. Things were an error.
Love In Hiding Apr 2016
How happy are
You without me?

At this moment..
Who is making you laugh through your cheeks?

I know once i get you out my mind ill be free
Love In Hiding May 2016
I held my stomach tight for u in middle  of the night
tears carefully reconsidered.
I tried to reclaim my heart time and time
I only got sicker
I only got lonelier .

Memories,  on constant projection
Film strip after film strip
this foggy play, music smooth like honey, and her silhouette.
when all comes down to it
i was the silver dollar u used to play the games


Unhanded from any bodies  hands
Remove me from your embrace,
Let me dance while you linger away ...
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
And I'm going to bruise your lips with my lips
And cradle your heart in my hands.
(If that's ok with you)
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
it isn't you
            it's the mess inside my head;
Love In Hiding Jul 2013
maybe our friends were little pebbles,
and we lost them through the spaces between out fingers
even when we held them in our fist.

— The End —