If I'd but known that I'd been given
but one Love in my lifetime
I gladly would have walked
the road alone

For surely to have the Love
of your life, the mate of your soul
so violently ripped from your arms
and your heart after so short a time.

The pure agony of no longer
having that bond,
I'd rather have remained ignorant
than left with such despair!|

How do you live
With a broken Heart
and half a Soul?

IF I CAN'T SEE YOU

I CAN'T TRUST YOU

THAT'S THE CARDINAL RULE!

SO TONIGHT I FIND

I'VE BEEN BLIND

I'VE BEEN TWICE THE FOOL!

There
        Is
       No
   Dignity
        In
    Dying
        It
        Is
       An
   Illusion

You came into my life
When all was lost
There was no moon,
the stars had died
and all around was darkness.

I had lost my heart, my soul
and in the black, lost my way
I couldn't see the road before me
I couldn't go, I couldn't stay


Then out of nowhere right before me
stood an Angel all aglow
Lighting the scary darkened path
and showing me the way to go

The stars came back, Heaven was lit
Behind me the moon began to rise
The path grew brighter and I could see
The Angel had opened my closed eyes

I don't know when that Angel left me
for she left as quickly as she came
but she led me from that forsaken path
and I knew my life would never be the same!

The Kitten Quiet, Stalks Her Prey
The Sparrow Flies On Golden Wing
Espy The Sparrow, The Kitten Purrs
Come To Kitty, Sparrow Sing!!!

You've taken every Dream i've had
Laid waste to every plan
cruely taken all i've Loved.
Left me in this Godforsaken land,

When I called out in the night
while in hot writhing agony
with a troubled heart unconsoled
Why did you not answerer me?

When I begged you take this pain
from my aching breast
I felt the arrow through my heart
Blood pouring from my chest,

I Prayed to you a thousand times
and pled a million more
Why leave these fiery beasts
Banging,busting down my door?

You left me in the dark
with Demons and no control
I couldn't help but think at last
this my death bell toll.

You left my life to Satan
when I did but beg release
and like a fool I still Prayed
for my Soul--Abiding Peace

You left my prayers unanswered
night after night- No Reply
What did I ever do to you
That even my death you would deny,

As silent tears run down my cheeks
I will Pray to you No More!
I realize you have Forsaken me
and left Demons at my door.

Last night I came onto the hellopoetry site to try to drown out my mom's death rattle in some good poetry. Quite a few people, good decent people who have gathered around me and supported me during this agonizing time and one of those sweet Poets was being verbally and mentally attacked by
                                   LOGHAIN CARV'O
His criticisms were malicious and very hurtful and his taunting her was more than I could bare for a friend. She related the conversation to me and she was really upset. She told me what he said verbatim' It was way uncalled for. And she is not the only one he is doing this to. He's being offensive to the extreme.Calling her a peasant and telling her she couldn't write. And I'll probably catch all kinds of hell for doing it but I paid a "VISIT" to his site and left this comment and I Quote

"Stop picking on ---------You call this a poem. You have some nerve telling her she can't write and you write crap like this. Well 1 out of 82 reads isn't so hot is it. Come on and kick me a few times. I should be easy pickings for you. I dare you ******"

Well he responded with and I quote

"It is obvious you do not have artistic vision like I, that or you did not read my poems and just came here in a petty attempt to demoralize I in retaliation to the criticisms I have revealed to most peoples "poetry" I wish to waste no more breath on my lessers. Just remember I when you see my talent spread out across the world. Remember how you showed the Greatest, most renowned and revered artist no support" End Quote.

Loghain carv'o also stated  that "The community on this site is rather poor"

He also stated
"This site isn't exactly known for it's Grand Community"

So now I know he doesn't even mind kicking some one who is already down. and i for one would like to know since he doesn't like this site or the Real Poets why stay? If he doesn't like the"GRAND COMMUNITY" why the hell he's still here. If he doesn't like us "lessers' why be among us.

And I didn't even tell you the most malicious comments.

When some one attacks a friend I will respond. That's what friends do.
And Loghain carv'o is proving to be no ones friend. And his
                          GOD COMPLEX is offensive!

I SERVE ONE GOD ONLY AND IT IS NOT Loghain carv'o!!!

I only have one thing to say to Loghain carv'o and that is and I quote again

My visit to hellopoetry last night to get away for a moment from listening to my mothers death rattle, to read a few poems and find a little Peace for a few moments was ruined by you and your offensive attitude and comments and since i'm already in a living hell right  nowI can find you some room here so come enjoy hell with me. Oh but I almost forgot you don't want to consort with us "lessers"
THE MIGHTY SURE DO HAVE A LONG WAY TO FALL LOGHAIN

                   YOURS SINCERELY
                                   Paula

This is for you friend love Paula

You can dish it out but you sure can't take it!

And behold I woke one morn and heard
the most glorious Sigh
and in my grief strickin state
I turned around and listened

I felt Gods presence  and knew
God had not abandoned me
in my suffering,

God had turned that Sigh into
a Beautiful Soul with  her hands
with the purple fingernails and sparklies
extended to me in Friendship,

God had not abandoned me at all
but left me with this Glorious gift
This Beautiful Sye to show me life
was still worth living,

I reached out from all my sorrow
and grabbed her hand that had become
my lifeline Blessed by God himself and
I climbed out of the darkness into the light
beckoning from her and in her
                 SYE
I started to live again!

You stabbed me 24 times and slit my throat
then dropped me to the ***** floor
as I watched, you walk away from me
You stabbed the man who tried to help me twice more,

You left me drowning in a pool of my blood
and never once looked back to see
you just kept walking out the door
as my lifes blood pour out of me,

There was a young Sergeant
who came running to my aid
ripping the shirt right off his back
pressing it to my neck to stop the spray,

He saved the life you meant to take
you didn't even ask if I'd died
my heart stopped twice that night
Oh how those Surgeons tried

I'm the one left in a prison
while now your'e walking free
"No Remorse" I was told
for what you did to me

But Know this My Dear Leo
if I ever see you, you better run
no one will have to wonder Why
You'll answer to my Gun.

You always loved giving me rainbows
I could always expect to get one after a fight
a couple of throws of your fists
a few kicks in the spleen every night.
They start out black add blood red
with a tinge of purple
Rainbows made by you.

A couple of days pass the bruises fade
you see ugly brown and yellow
My Rainbows made.
But now you're not happy
cause you can't find green
so you start another Rainbow
cause you're so **** mean.

Night after night you act so concerned
I can expect more Rainbows
at your every turn.

You always loved giving me Rainbows

"IS THIS MY *** OF GOLD?"
            















\\

I opened my door to Grief this morning, he shoved me aside and walked to a chair sat down and said" Here Goes, this may take awhile"
"There are five Stages of Grief" he mumbled,
"Today you are in Stage 1, but tomorrow could be Stage 5 and a month from now, you may pass into Stage 2. Stages 3& 4 could happen together a year from now."
He looked up to me and said"Are you confused yet, that could be any Stage"
Through my tears, he calmly rose and went out my door, turned for one last look at me and said" I'm Stage 6 but I come 1st"
In Anger I slammed the door and wondered to myself,
is Anger Stage 4,2,5,3 or1.
I fell to the floor screaming" Why in Hell didn't anyone ever tell me about Stage 6"

Ha! Last word was mine, I Blocked Your *** *****!

FLY ME TO THE SKY SPARROW
WITH YOUR GOLDEN GILDED WINGS
LET'S WALTZ UPON THE CLOUDS
AS OUR HEAVENLY ANGEL SINGS
A SONG SO SWEET AND PURE
EVERY NOTE PLAYED A SYMPHONY
LET"S TWIRL AMONG THE STARS MY FRIEND
TO MUSIC JUST FOR YOU AND ME
LET"S TAKE A TURN AROUND HEAVENS' BALLROOM
FOR NOW, LEAVING SADNESS AND SORROWS BEHIND
JUST DANCING TO THE MUSIC
NOTHING BUT THE DANCE ON OUR MINDS
AND AS THE MUSIC STOPS
AND YOU GIVE YOUR COURTLY BOW
I CURTSY LOW TO YOU MY FRIEND
NOT KNOWING HOW TO THANK YOU NOW!
FLY ME TO THE SKY SPARROW
TO DANCE ONE WALTZ WITH YOU
WITH YOUR GOLDEN GILDED WINGS
YOU HAVE MADE A DREAM COME TRUE!

I'm the only person I know
who can destroy everyone
I come into contact with

So don't love me!

With my best intentions
I manage to bring pain
to my friends and come
between them

Don't love me!

With tears of pain
and of sorrow I beg you

Don't love me!

I am unlovable

Don't love me!

How will I get to Heaven
            I'm afraid of heights!

I just found out, the 'GOVERNMENT"Has given every Pharmacy in all the USA a "Quota", they get a certain amount of Painpills at the begining of the Month and that has to be enough til the Next month;  A "Quota"

Seriously!!!
Well its the end of the month,

My Pharmacist said she could'nt even borrow from another Pharmacy because they didn't have any either,
HOW Many are out here hurting?
Her advice was to have my Doctor call them in at the begining of each month, she was also mad that she still had to give out painspills to first come, first serve, that she still had to give out painpills to someone she knew was abusing them and then had to deny a cancer patient.
This does Not Solve the problem you idiots!
and causes undo Pain unto  the honest, hard working, the hurting ones.
End of the month, there are no more to give out.
So here we sit in pain so bad you want to scream!
I'm a Law abiding Citizen, pay taxes and here i sit hurting
How Much Are we going to take from the "GOVERNMENT"

Come stranger Enter my Domain
Search and break the firewalls for the entrance to my life
One by one break through
and behind the last wall you will find
UTTER DEVOTION, LOYALTY AND TRUTH.
FRIENDSHIP THAT KNOWS NO BOUNDS,
SOMEONE TO LEAN ON IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD,
SOMEONE TO TALK AND LISTEN TO YOU AT ANY HOUR OF THE DAY OR NIGHT but most of all you'll find LOVE that has no bounds
that never fails when others leave you.
You'll find respect for who you are, for what you believe in.

BUT I WARN YOU - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

If you ever want to leave me you'll always have the freedom to do so
But do it Gently and seal back the walls that you entered through
Then I can change the Password to my heart and the Username of my life, so then I can wait here until the next stranger comes along!

Heavens not so far away

                               My Heart Hears Your Echo!

You come at me at night, invading my mind as I sleep,
Like the riptides of the ocean. You drag me down into
the Netherworld of the sea,
You waiting there, knife in hand plunging in my helpless
body,Again and Again, The Agony of pain in my breast
as you slash your way through my mind. my blood mingling
with the saltwater...

The God of the sea, releasing my battered and bruised Soul
to the surface, Panic leaving me unable to swim paralell to
the shore of this nightmare, can't swim out of your riptide.

My mind Screaming, Screaming me awake, Tears running
down my face, tasting salt on my tongue, Is it from the sea?
The taste so real, Is this Nightmare really over? will it ever
Really be over?

Thinking,
       Thinking,
             Thinking.....  
          I Almost Had A Thought......
Thinking,
         Thinking,
               Thinking....
          I Was Going To Tell You.....

You were Gone.  :(

You rode into my life
on your black KNIGHT
and you stormed my CASTLE
with your charm,
Then you used your PAWNS
to keep me IN CHECK
and you told me you
were my KING.
I began to hate you so I
confessed to my BISHOP
but you made a fatal mistake.
You underestimated my Queen
and I escaped
CHECKMATE!!!
Any one else want to try Castleling?

IN MY GRIEVING HEART
I HAVE BEEN TRULY BLESSED
WITH THE MEMORY OF YOU
PEACE YOUR ETERNAL REST

HANDS UPON YOUR BOSUM CROSSED
NOW MOTIONLESS, WITH LIFTED FACE
YOUR SOUL FLOWN AWAY
GLIDING WITH AMAZING GRACE

WITH TEARS OF SORROW I BID FAREWELL
ME WITH A HEART LEFT BROKEN
I WATCH THE SPARROW JOURNEY WITH YOU
YOU LEAVING BEHIND A GLORIOUS TOKEN

THE LAST GIFT YOU HAVE GIVEN
A HEARTBEAT LEFT INSIDE OF ME
A GOLDEN THREAD FROM MOTHER TO DAUGHTER
THAT BINDS OUR SOULS ETERNALY

You've been gone 43 years today
The little girl in me still cries
Just like it was yesterday it seems
They came to tell me you had died

I shut my memories down, closed tight
Built the walls to protect my heart
I remember nothing of childhood
Not one memory to impart,

The Child inside will cry for you
For Memories lost to this day
Years ago the Slate wiped clean
My Mind still greives, I say

But known, I was loved by you
So on this day, my heart replies
I miss you so **** much daddy
Your child sits here alone and cries!

It's not the Lack of Love, that hurts right now,

It is your ANGER!

If you need another Angel from my family....
                           Take ME!