When you wake
I hold your hand
tell you everythings okay

IT'S NOT I'M LYING!

You look at me
with drug glazed eyes
and ask "what's wrong"
I say "nothing"

I'M LYING

You sit up for
just a moment
Tell me your'e
Writing a letter to GOD
I tell you the Angels coming

YOU SAY NO YOUR'E LYING!

I couldn't find you anywhere so I got out my Dictionary
and I looked under VICIOUS.CRUEL and INHUMANE
They sounded like you but your name wasn't there. So
I thought I'd look up THIEF, ABSCONDER and *******
They also sounded like you but again your name wasn't there,
So then I checked under PHYSCOPATH  AND MURDERER
these fit you better but I still couldn't find your name.

I panicked and got really worried then so I had a conversation
with GOD and I asked him please would he look in his book,
THE BOOK OF LIFE and see if he could find your name there

LO AND BEHOLD YOUR NAME ISN'T THERE
"MAY THERE BE NO MERCY ON YOUR SOUL!"

Just when I was putting my Dictionary away
GOD yelled out "FORGIVENESS"
So I look up forgiveness and GUESS WHAT!

"MY NAME IS NOT THERE!"

Maybe I should have looked up
THE DEFINITION OF DEFINITION

Aw Hell!
       I Lost My Train Of Thought!
You intrude where I don't want you.
I don't want your name to be the first
one I think of,
Or the Last when I go to sleep alone!

My Thoughts Caught In A Bottle, Like Wine
I Do Not Have A Corkscrew!

ALL IS QUIET
YOU ARE SLEEPING
IV'E DONE ALL I CAN
YOUR'E IN THE LORDS' KEEPING

I KNOW YOUR'E FREE FROM PAIN
YOUR MOMENTS ALMOST HERE
I KNOW TONIGHT YOUR'E SAFE
THE LORD IS WAITING NEAR!

First thing this morning
I broke my pen,
Spilled my ink all over my pretty white paper,
left with nothing but inkblots,
maybe the Mental Health people can use them?

I only have one question
******* YOU WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

I Don't want the Practiced
                 Love Confession
                          Of A Seducer,
I want the Rough, imperfect
                  Heartfelt Statement of Truth
                          Of A Man In Love!

I thought if I drove hundreds of miles
that I could escape you
but when I stopped driving and got out
of my car;
I realized I was still under the starlit sky
that we made wishes on
The same blue moon we used to slow
dance under
and next to me was the  same kind of
tree, the weeping willow that we made
Love under.

I got so disgusted I drove home all the while
Realizing your'e like a stalker
Invading my personal space
******* my every move
Preying on my already fractured mind
and that's when I knew that no matter
what I did
You had captured my heart and soul
and no matter how many miles I drove

You were the Jailer of my memories
and you would never set me free!

I SIT HERE NIGHT AFTER NIGHT
JUST LISTENING TO YOUR BREATHING
AND WHEN YOUR HEART PAUSES
MY HEART DIES A LITTLE WITH YOURS

WILL THIS BE YOUR LAST?

I FEEL LIKE I'M FREE FALLING
NO NET TO CATCH ME
AND WHEN YOU TAKE THAT NEXT BREATH,
I FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING IT TO BE
OVER SO YOU WON'T SUFFER ANYMORE


WHAT A HORRIBLE DAUGHTER
        I HAVE BECOME!

      YOUR HEART PAUSES...
WILL THIS BE YOUR LAST?

If by chance we meet again
I hope you tell me I'm forgiven
for all the things I should have
said and done while you were living.

And when it,s time
for me to die
I find myself in Hell
You will know that
your revenge
Has been served
Sweet and well!

Tonight we sat around the fire, singing old country songs
You should have been here
I wanted you here
I needed you here
Breeze blowing a warm caress on my skin,
I wanted it to be you
I needed it to be you
Drinking Peach Brandy Shooters,
I wanted you to get drunk from my kisses
I wanted your kiss
I needed your kisses.
You should have been here to kiss me
But you weren't here
Couldn't be here
Oh Why aren't you here?

I have yet to meet
        A Treasure far more sweet!!!!

YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA TEACH ME A FEW THINGS
YOU TAUGHT ME
HOW TO SCREAM
HOW TO HURT
HOW TO HIDE THE BRUISES

THEN YOU TAUGHT ME MORE
HOW TO LIE
HOW TO CUSS
HOW TO HIDE THE PAIN

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW IT FEELS
WHEN YOU LIE
WHEN YOU CHEAT
WHEN YOU BEAT
WHEN YOU DENY


WELL I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR
MANICAL TEACHINGS

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING TOO
HOW IT FEELS
TO LIE TO YOU
TO CHEAT ON YOU
TO FEEL PAIN
HOW IT FEELS
TO WATCH ME WALK OUT THAT DOOR
AND NOT LOOK BACK

HOWS IT FEEL NOW

FIND ANOTHER ***** "BUDDY"
YOU TAUGHT ME TO WELL
YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO LEAVE YOUR ***!

DON'T EVER FORGET YOU TAUGHT ME WELL!!!

Today I'm going to take a trip
to the far recess of my mind
Hike a trail through my memories
and hope that I can find
a spot so sweet
that my memory retreats,

I'm going to search every path
follow every trail
til my soul is lost
between Heaven and Hell
and if my feet go astray
please guide my way,

and though I may not see your face
I will find your spirit
wrap myself within your Love
and hope I can feel it,

One last journey
I must take
for my Hearts sake!

My Mind Retreats

After months and months Day after agonizing Day
they tell me she can't live through another night but she lingers somewhere
between this world and the next. Three days of this and every night they tell me the same thing.
After months of taking care of her by myself without Family or Friends honoring her request to die at Home and with Dignity. I have done my best for her without any qualms. Getting up every 2 hours to give her meds to keep her comfortable and out of pain living on coffee. tea or cokes. Caffiene running in my veins.
My Heart perpetually in my throat, the ache so bad I can't even describe it.

THREE DAYS AGO I need your arms around me holding me tight so I would know there was still life in me.
And Yesterday I needed your shoulder to cry on when I fell to pieces. All day I was one big mess.
And when I cried myself to sleep last night I needed your touch so badly that I was the one dying with the need.

But today I turned cold inside remembering you say you Love me, you say
you are there for me Always. You say I am your heart forever,
But the SILENCE of you the past three days have shouted through the rooftop of my heart, that all you did was Lie to me during my most vulnerable time.

I just want to yell
"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?
   WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT'? when I needed you to talk to, you said you had business  and all I got was SILENCE the past three days.

WELL THE PAST THREE DAYS HAVE COME TO TONIGHT AND NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE NOW OR WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW,
LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE THE SILENCE FOREVER CAUSE THESE THREE DAYS HAVE SHOWN ME THAT I CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE. I MADE IT THROUGH

IF I CAN SURVIVE THIS FROM YOU DURING THESE HORRIBLE DAYS AND NIGHTS OF HELL ON EARTH THEN I CAN SURVIVE THE REST OF THIS LIVING HELL
                                            WITHOUT YOU!

IT'S YOUR LOSS

YOU HAVE JUST LOST THE BEST PART OF YOU!

                                 SILENCE
                                         SILENCE
                                                    GONE!­

I ALMOST LOST YOU TODAY
ONE MOMENT YOU WERE HERE
WHERE I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU'D BE
THEN YOU STOPPED BREATHING.

MY WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
IN JUST A HEARTBEAT OF TIME
IN PANIC I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO
I JUST CAN'T TAKE YOUR LEAVING.

I THOUGHT I WAS RESIGNED
THAT MY HEART COULD LET GO
BUT NO I'M NOT READY YET
YOU'RE PART OF MY SOUL.

How did thou waste on one thy soul should scorn
One that hurt thee and mock'd the morn
Lay thy head against my breast,
There I'll lay thee down to rest
Rest from thy world- siren that lure thee to ill
Work with a strong heart and determined will
Bravely fling thy cold chain that hath bound thee
For some good, be it ever so slowly.

Be thou content, as I, to know not see
To feel thy spirit, I would take
Tunes aerial beauty for thy sake
Alas! float into thy soul, so I could see
How to become All melody to thee
Til musics' soul, walked by thy touch, to wing
and mingling with mine would soar and sing
How mine thoughts like singing birds flutter and fly
with a song for thine ear, and a gleam for thine eye.

Love compels me to thy heart against my will
To echo from thy voice, come to me still
Thou to sing loves lullaby to me
Warm heart in thy dwelling, beat kindly for me
So passionately wild this thirst in me
To be all beauty and all grace to thee
My faintest blush, at thoughts of thee a crime
I count in vain the slow dull steps of time,

Careful thee, Lest thy wound a soul so rare
My heart to thee, Please have a care
Smiles can surer wound or heal
than the stars, whose light they steal
In voiceless rapture on thy manly breast
Could thou be lull'd by sweet untroubled rest?
I only greive, because---because---I see
Thou find'st not All thy great demands of me.
Mine a heart that Love Too tenderly and truly
Will break at last, thou prized me unduly
Though missed the beauty, Rare and Dear
Alone thou are, Alone I am, but forever Near!!!

IF YOUR'E BEING HONEST
AND HE'S KEEPING SECRETS

IF YOUR'E MAKING LOVE
AND HE'S HAVING ***

IF YOU STAY HOME
AND HE'S ALWAYS GONE

IF YOUR'E ASLEEP ALONE
AND HE'S ON THE PHONE AT 3AM

I HATE TO TELL YOU
BUT THE LOVE IS GONE

Like Fine Wine,

my thoughts are caught in a bottle....

And I do not have a corkscrew!!!

An old friend stopped by today

Your'e face lit up, you were shining

He joked with you, you called him "*******"

you wouldn't know you were dying.


First time in weeks Iv'e seen your smile

Amazing what old friends can do

For just a few moments

Out came the old you.

You tiptoe through my Heart
                 Your Soul leaving footprints behind!!!

PASS ME NOT
HEAR MY HUMBLE CRY
HEAL MY WOUNDED HEART
DO NOT PASS ME BY

MY HEARTS BROKEN IN TWO
AND FALLS THE SILENT TEARS
SAVE ME WITH THY LOVING GRACE
FORGIVE MY SINS ALL THESE YEARS!

PLEASE LORD PASS ME NOT!

When you wake
I hold your hand
tell you everythings okay

IT'S NOT I'M LYING!

You lokuo at me
with drug glazed eyes
and ask "what's wrong"
I say "nothing"

I'M LYING

You sit up for
just a moment
Tell me your'e
Writing a letter to GOD
I tell you the Angels comming!

YOU SAY NO YOUR'E LYING!

We met on a Monday
                                            We flirted on a Tuesday
                                          We went on a date Wednesday
                                  
       We kissed on Thursday
                                          We had *** on Friday
                                             We got married Saturday
                                                We regretted it Sunday!

MY HAPPINESS WENT ON VACATION,

TELL MY GUARDIAN ANGEL I SAID "HI"

I knew a man with a heart of gold
and sunshine on his face
A loving husband and a father
that put others in first place,

I knew a man who was pure of heart
with faith that pulled him through
all the trials of his life
and he never asked his due,

I knew a man who found such joy
in just the little things
a man who saw with loving eyes
and loved church bell rings,

I knew a man with gentle ways
who was wise beyond his years
a man who raised his children well
and wiped away their tears,

I knew this man,I called him  Dad
He was kind in every way
He always stood tall and strong
and now he walks with God today.

Drug glazed eyes

You don't see me

Wish You Did!

YOU FAILED YOUR OWN
              SHAME!