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 Jun 2016 Paul Hansford
Tom Balch
As soon as they used
the morphine word
I knew the end was near,
and yet…

I never said the things
I should have said
to my father dear,

and when I think
about him now
I can clearly hear him say

you did not have to say it son,
I knew………..along the way*.
Sometimes the earth beneath my feet shudders
And I feel in the depth of despair a longing for
The one thing that has kept me grounded for all
These years causing me to look at my emptiness
And cry out for you to return to hold me upright

The light that once burned with such bright sparks
Now leaves me to find my way in the darkest blue
Stumbling blindly from one sad minute to the next
With a loneliness that batters my aching heart as
I cry out for you to return the love I give  to you
Inspired by grace
 Jun 2016 Paul Hansford
Gabriella
People telling me who I should be.
I thought that choice was up to me.
Who are they to tell me what I’m to do?
What if what they think is right I don’t find true?

Looking left and right to find a way.
Searching for my soul everyday.
What the others view right I see wrong.
Others should be like me and not just follow along.

Being an individual and being free
is something I was born to be.
I can’t follow the average crowd.
I have my own heart and soul and I speak it aloud.

So what if people think I’m crazy?
Is it because I put my opinions to work and I’m not lazy?
So if you’re wise you’ll take my advice.
Follow your own heart and don’t fall for the lies.
If your heart thinks something is right,
don’t ever give up without a fight.
 Jun 2016 Paul Hansford
Gabriella
get out.
stop tormenting the empty halls of my mind at night.
all this twisting and turning has made me tired.
sleep brings no rest to my constant spinning thoughts.
you left as easy as you came into my life.
do the same in my head.
the door is wide open for you to make the grand exit.
get out.
 Jun 2016 Paul Hansford
Gabriella
When I was younger, I had asthma.
I remember that suffocating feeling.
The panic, anxiety, nervousness striking my system all at once.
I never wanted to feel that again.

Fast-forward 20 years later, you came along.
The overwhelming feeling of asthma has come back.
I can't breathe.
You are asphyxiating me.
Yet, I find excuses, inhalers, to tolerate you...to keep you near.

Is it worth filling my lungs with chemicals just so that they can expand and contract?
 Jun 2016 Paul Hansford
Gabriella
Why did you have to go and say that you wanted to be with me when you had no intention of doing that at all?

The way you looked at me and said things to me, I thought it was real. It was nothing but a ruse to perhaps get me to love you.

If your plan was always to walk away, there was no need to bring in your family.

I miss your touch but most I miss your smile. I miss your tender eyes looking at me in the morning.

I never minded your baggage. I looked at it as something we both could face.

When I expressed my fears you always reminded me that you would stand by me. How was i to know that this was all a lie?

This isn’t a poem but a lament from my heart. These are the words I wish I could say to you.

With each tear that falls I am reminded of my stupidity, of being naive for ever believing you.

Just the thought of you being with another tears my heart apart. I curse the day you crossed my path.

You’ve become nothing but a dagger in my mind and existence.

And I am nothing to you.
I

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
                              But to what purpose
Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves
I do not know.
                        Other echoes
Inhabit the garden. Shall we follow?
Quick, said the bird, find them, find them,
Round the corner. Through the first gate,
Into our first world, shall we follow
The deception of the thrush? Into our first world.
There they were, dignified, invisible,
Moving without pressure, over the dead leaves,
In the autumn heat, through the vibrant air,
And the bird called, in response to
The unheard music hidden in the shrubbery,
And the unseen eyebeam crossed, for the roses
Had the look of flowers that are looked at.
There they were as our guests, accepted and accepting.
So we moved, and they, in a formal pattern,
Along the empty alley, into the box circle,
To look down into the drained pool.
Dry the pool, dry concrete, brown edged,
And the pool was filled with water out of sunlight,
And the lotos rose, quietly, quietly,
The surface glittered out of heart of light,
And they were behind us, reflected in the pool.
Then a cloud passed, and the pool was empty.
Go, said the bird, for the leaves were full of children,
Hidden excitedly, containing laughter.
Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

II

Garlic and sapphires in the mud
Clot the bedded axle-tree.
The trilling wire in the blood
Sings below inveterate scars
Appeasing long forgotten wars.
The dance along the artery
The circulation of the lymph
Are figured in the drift of stars
Ascend to summer in the tree
We move above the moving tree
In light upon the figured leaf
And hear upon the sodden floor
Below, the boarhound and the boar
Pursue their pattern as before
But reconciled among the stars.

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where.
And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time.
The inner freedom from the practical desire,
The release from action and suffering, release from the inner
And the outer compulsion, yet surrounded
By a grace of sense, a white light still and moving,
Erhebung without motion, concentration
Without elimination, both a new world
And the old made explicit, understood
In the completion of its partial ecstasy,
The resolution of its partial horror.
Yet the enchainment of past and future
Woven in the weakness of the changing body,
Protects mankind from heaven and damnation
Which flesh cannot endure.
                                          Time past and time future
Allow but a little consciousness.
To be conscious is not to be in time
But only in time can the moment in the rose-garden,
The moment in the arbour where the rain beat,
The moment in the draughty church at smokefall
Be remembered; involved with past and future.
Only through time time is conquered.

III

Here is a place of disaffection
Time before and time after
In a dim light: neither daylight
Investing form with lucid stillness
Turning shadow into transient beauty
With slow rotation suggesting permanence
Nor darkness to purify the soul
Emptying the sensual with deprivation
Cleansing affection from the temporal.
Neither plenitude nor vacancy. Only a flicker
Over the strained time-ridden faces
Distracted from distraction by distraction
Filled with fancies and empty of meaning
Tumid apathy with no concentration
Men and bits of paper, whirled by the cold wind
That blows before and after time,
Wind in and out of unwholesome lungs
Time before and time after.
Eructation of unhealthy souls
Into the faded air, the torpid
Driven on the wind that sweeps the gloomy hills of London,
Hampstead and Clerkenwell, Campden and Putney,
Highgate, Primrose and Ludgate. Not here
Not here the darkness, in this twittering world.

Descend lower, descend only
Into the world of perpetual solitude,
World not world, but that which is not world,
Internal darkness, deprivation
And destitution of all property,
Desiccation of the world of sense,
Evacuation of the world of fancy,
Inoperancy of the world of spirit;
This is the one way, and the other
Is the same, not in movement
But abstention from movement; while the world moves
In appetency, on its metalled ways
Of time past and time future.

IV

Time and the bell have buried the day,
The black cloud carries the sun away.
Will the sunflower turn to us, will the clematis
Stray down, bend to us; tendril and spray
Clutch and cling?
Chill
Fingers of yew be curled
Down on us? After the kingfisher’s wing
Has answered light to light, and is silent, the light is still
At the still point of the turning world.

V

Words move, music moves
Only in time; but that which is only living
Can only die. Words, after speech, reach
Into the silence. Only by the form, the pattern,
Can words or music reach
The stillness, as a Chinese jar still
Moves perpetually in its stillness.
Not the stillness of the violin, while the note lasts,
Not that only, but the co-existence,
Or say that the end precedes the beginning,
And the end and the beginning were always there
Before the beginning and after the end.
And all is always now. Words strain,
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still. Shrieking voices
Scolding, mocking, or merely chattering,
Always assail them. The Word in the desert
Is most attacked by voices of temptation,
The crying shadow in the funeral dance,
The loud lament of the disconsolate chimera.

    The detail of the pattern is movement,
As in the figure of the ten stairs.
Desire itself is movement
Not in itself desirable;
Love is itself unmoving,
Only the cause and end of movement,
Timeless, and undesiring
Except in the aspect of time
Caught in the form of limitation
Between un-being and being.
Sudden in a shaft of sunlight
Even while the dust moves
There rises the hidden laughter
Of children in the foliage
Quick now, here, now, always—
Ridiculous the waste sad time
Stretching before and after.
 Jun 2016 Paul Hansford
Tom Balch
I´m nothing but a common man
never graced a table fit for kings
nor have I worn the finest cloth...
I do not speak with learned tongue;

But when I see the troops parading
and when the band begins to play
my soul steps out to join them...
because that is the soldiers way;

For many years I served my country
and many years I served my queen
for these two things I´d fight and die...
a soldiers heart the reason why;

I may have come from humble stock
but the values I have learned
of comradeship, esprit de corps...
and undying love for my homeland.
When we really care about someone
Their mistakes can never change our
Feelings because it is the mind that gets
Angry but the heart still loves and cares
Our dignity may be cruelly mocked but
It can never be taken away without permission
We can't change what has gone only what is now
Stand beautiful strong and forever proud
That's when we are at our most inspiring
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