i thought of how it's going to be my final year in high school,
senior year,
year 12,
fourth year in high school,
the final year.

and i begin to remember how every time you came home after school and cried on the porch outside.
i heard your cries from the living room.
i remember you telling me everything that happened,
good and bad,
mostly bad.

it made me afraid of high school.
it made me afraid of my senior year.
i don't really remember your smile during that year when it came to school.
i don't want to fill your shoes.
i'm already an anxious person already,
i don't want to be afraid of the year that scares me the most.

there's something about crying with someone.
both parties alone together sharing tears of pain or joy,
sharing the crusted and bottled emotions inside us.

thank you for being there when i couldn't hold it in anymore.
thank you for letting me hold you when your heart wasn't in good condition.

and it slowly began to less be about being someone but being
Me.
because that's end goal for me.
i want to be Me,
always.
i wanted to paint and write and love,
just ******* love everything and everyone because that is
Me.
i am a physical embodiment of what love is.
i am creative and beautiful and no,
no, i'm not useless or disposable.
i am meant to be here.
i was made to love and be loved.
i was made to create and to be heard and to listen.
now,
it isn't about getting you to read between the lines of my words,
it's about sharing my peaceful pain and tears of joy.

i just wanted you to hold me.
i just wanted to be held,
always be held.
there was nothing more important or on my mind when i was in someone's arms.
my head resting on the gape of their neck,
or buried in their warm chest.
there was something special about slowing my rapid breathing and matching it with someone elses.

i woke up from a bad dream and the first thing i thought of when i woke up was
the strong want of wanting to hear your voice.

so !!!! i'm trying to get more out there!

sooooooooo,,,, i made an instagram to post some of my pieces that i've written on here AND also post other art pieces (like watercolor, acrylic, and other types of media pieces)!

if that's something you'd like to see from me, please check out my account.

my @ is moondiiary

diary with two "i"'s !!!!

thank you so much.

- moon

i dream of being free.
of being a bird or finally,
just finally,
be the me who is free.

i dream of letting go and letting my shoulders drop.
of running, not caring of being out of breath.
of closing my eyes and letting my emotions be me.