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It's hard to be a coward and suicidal,
Afraid of pain and overly-sensitive to guilt simultaneously.
Never wanted to jump from a building,
Because regretting your decision halfway down must be a nightmare.
Must only take a few seconds.
Must feel like longer than you've ever lived.
Didn't want to jump in front of a bus,
Because that seems wildly ineffective.
Didn't want to lie on train tracks;
I know those videos of dismembered people end up
On the darkest places of the Internet,
And I'm nothing if I'm not embarrassed by attention.
Didn't want to hang myself, had enough hospital trips
From asthma attacks rendering me breathless to want to relive it.
Tried to hang myself.
Wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.
Didn't want to overdose on pills
Because I have an aversion to swallowing them.
Realised the only reason you aren't supposed to chew them
Is so you don't overdose.
Tried to overdose.
Woke up confused and frightened with an apparently not-killer headache.
But that was back then, and this is now.
I don't look at things and see invitations of death anymore.
There's no temptation to analyse them
And see if they're up for the job.
I'm less on the aggressive side of the spectrum,
Swaying, instead, a lot more to being passive.
I don't want to dive in front of traffic,
But I don't always look before I cross the road either.
And I could still end up in the same coffin as if I'd jumped,
But for me, there's a lifetime of difference.
I don't really consider this to be a sad/hopeless poem, but it is a blunt poem. Sometimes you need to set your darkness free.
You will not see my shadow pass
the gate of mournings eerie dark
Nor hear my voice among the reeds
that grow above my silenced heart
No fondest kiss to furrowed brow
to quell the torment of your making
for you have left me here alone
to sleep the sleep that knows no waking.
The last line was pilfered from a Victorian grave stone. It was too beautiful to leave there.
You think the red lines you always wear,
Will create a better tomorrow?
You think that just by wasting away,
You'll end all the pain and the sorrow?

You think that it's just too hard to live,
And now you are bidding your goodbye;
You think that it will all be better,
If you'd just depart from us  and die.

Well, quit it, shut up! You do not know!
You don't think of what happens after!
You think once you're dead, the pain is gone,
And all that you leave us is laughter?!

You're selfish, you are! Did you not think,
Of what happens when we hear the news?
That your mother, upon your bedroom door,
Would scream, seeing you tied to the noose!

Your brother would just stay in his room,
And would listen to your playlist then;
Your father would keep up his face at work,
But would weep thinking of way back when.

Your friends would cut all their classes just,
To go back to the places you've marked
Your boyfriend would cry at your picture,
And would sulk with a stone-heavy heart.

The neighbors too would pay their respects,
And would send flowers upon your wake.
Your mother would just stare at the wall,
Waiting for you to come back someday.

And they'll all think that it was their fault,
As to why you left them this sorrow.
You think that it's just you who'd be hurt,
If you were but a corpse tomorrow?

The people you know, the things you've done,
The relationships you've begotten,
The love you've made us feel and cherish,
Don't think that it was all forgotten!

So please, my friend. Don't think it will end,
If you would leave this world forever.
Don't ever think it's just you, because--
All of our hearts are tied together.
To a friend of mine.
drawing the ladies in*
by plying a magnetic charm
the guy possesses
quite an alluring arm

no woman can resist
his pulling potency
that is set on the
highest frequency

he engages a strong
bewitching spell
to motion the females
into enticement's well

a most beguiling
magic he'll employ
in riveting the gals
onto his alloy

the gent's power
is so forceful of zeal
captivating women
*with a striking appeal
What a load of ****.
He said it best
Describing the world as if
He wore a heart shaped vest
Oh lord,
So vast, this plane of minerals
Alas!
Existence.
Rejoice
Rejoice
Rejoice
I just crashed
I just burned
Thinking all this time
I never learned
This time I saw my life
Flash before my eyes
It got me thinking
Thinking about you
How you're the one
I think of when times get hard
A sour day turns so sweet
When I see you
When we finally meet
We work so hard
Long days and weeks
You're a saviour
My Jesus H Christ

Oh Jesus,
I thought about you again
Happiness,
Happiness,
Joys and delights
My angel my sweetheart
I'd give anything for you
And I do,
I do, I do, I do
The words I wish to hear
When spending the rest of my life
With you, with you, with you
It could come true, I do, I do
I'd live a life for you
I already think I do
For you, for you, for you
.
.
I can't express how much I love her
This will do
Will do, will do,
Will have to,
For now...
I dream of greener pastures
and I ain't getting any younger
struggling to find the time
searchin' my pockets for pennies
lottery tickets and sunshine dust
well I never put my eggs in a basket
imagining the fruits of my labour
were full of vitamin c
they always told me education was key

No, I don't rely on a teacher
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I hope the demon's love is true
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly used and abused
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

Dreaming of things '*** I'm a dreamer
and we ain't getting any younger
you said you'd get married when
you're twenty-five and I said
I'd quite like to get married now
but I can't find the time
searchin' for the minerals to ask you
can't afford the wine or pleasantries
they always told us we need to believe

No, I don't believe any preachers
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I hope the demon that loves me is you
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly wasted and confused
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

I dream of strength and closure
and I ain't getting any younger
once I was three weeks sober
searchin' for reasons to quit
starting to think that I never needed it
well I never had any eggs in my basket
but I always had a *** to **** in
and a window to throw it out of
they always told me that what goes up

No, I don't get my hopes up
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I lie because I hope my dreams come true
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly sinking without you
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me
.
.
a dreamers song
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