The day I get the courage to finally set myself free,

my body will lay under the earth, cold yet peacefully.

People will go about their lives, as it should be,

and continue to do what they do best, walk all over me.

I am a closed book.

Whenever I let someone in,
hoping they want to read my story,
they just end up ripping out my pages.

I am 'one of the guys' in a house of tacky wallpaper and 70's carpet
I am a reader of the piles of 80's national geographic covering my floors
I look out my window and have a clear view of a disintegrating trampoline and a rotting deck
I constantly hear calls of "IS THE LAUNDRY DONE?!" followed by, "I'm just too sick, Perri"
I am from a house constantly smelling of smoke, if you follow the scent you'll find a sick yet content man I call dad
I am the over-thinker, over analyzer of the group of 5 I refer to as my best friends
I am the wishful thinker who dreams of one day finding someone who respects and cares for me
I am from a town where a ****** named Ray Ray walks the streets, as elders stay in their 60's inspired homes
I am from a neighbourhood with churches on every corner, churches very few attend
I am from a family where the old speak in British accents and lovers of Yorkshire pudding drench it with gravy
I am the mother of an aging, energetic feline who rules the house
I am the author of a journal I keep all my thoughts in

I am here to help you,
But only momentarily
To assist in diminishing your previous errors

Small and smooth
Use me until you get your ideal outcome
Then toss me to the side and forget about me
Only to remember when another mistake arrises

Use me over and over because that is what I am here for
Little pieces of me crumble with every use
Slowly withering away
Until one day
I am gone