I don't care that her hands are cold
the red on her cheeks are enough to keep me warm this winter
Even if our lips only touch in the split second of a goodbye
her mouth is the only thing I can pay attention to
'Cause I know if I don't I might miss it
And if I miss it I'll have to wait for another goodbye
and at this point I don't think I can handle
watching her leave and not looking back
I know it's not very polite to comment on people's scent
but I was told to speak my mind and when she moves closer
laying her head on my shoulder and my heart just stops
What else do you want me to do?
How dare she, make this poet wannabe forget his words?
"I fell in love like I fell asleep", *******
I fell like a cartoon stepping on the X mark on the floor
and a piano falls from the sky crushing him
but he turns out okay only for some random train
run over him again
It's too late for me to be writing poems or thinking about you
or writing poems about thinking about you
and yet here I am making out excuses
for things I haven't done yet
I don't blame you for calling me a creep
I do hate it, however, when you say things
that weren't meant for your lips
I could write all night, waiting for her to wake up
but it wouldn't matter, 'cause in the end
this is just another letter I'm too coward to send

ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
   *stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
   stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
   stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
after
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends

It's past 2am and I can't sleep
It is really a shame,
but I'm haunted by things that I can't see
I'm sorry, I don't believe in ghosts
I do not fear the dead
But I wish I did, so I could blame them
for these voices inside my head

Coffee stains and cigarette burns
I don't know how to feel, my head kinda hurts
Sweet seventeen and the pain has just began
Drown yourself in alcohol, it'll help you feel numb
Your body is so *****, the night is far from done
Everybody can come over, my mom and dad are gone

I like you in messy ways
Like your messy hair,
Messy bed, messy head.
I like you in messy ways
Like when you put your songs on shuffle
Like when you open ten tabs on Google Chrome
Like your weird handwriting
I like you because of your messy ways
Like sloppy kisses on my cheek
Like awkward hugs in the middle of the street
I think I'm in love with our messy days

I don't think I'll ever get used
To your lips whispering goodbye
While I beg you not to go
I know, it's fruitless effort,
But maybe if I keep trying
You won't storm out of the door anymore