I hope you fall into the ocean,

or fall to me instead.

I had never met a man
Who kissed my insecurities,
Tended my distorted perceptions,
And traced lips across my scarred skin.

I was worthy to be lavished upon.
In your eyes, I was more than a trophy.
My figure was temptful but valued;
Every penny was well-spent.

You brought back what should have been.
My previously unmet expectations
Brought my hopes down;
Your gentleness built them back up again.

We may not have worked out...
But your pursuit taught me a lesson:
I am lovely and fine with being "incomplete"
Three adventurous months with you... were enough for me.

-My Personality-
The important thing
about my personality
is that it's me.
It's cruel and
shifting
It's too nice at times.
But the important thing
about my personality
is that it's me.

-My words-
The important thing
about my words is that
they're strong.
They're loud and
quiet, sometimes
they're confusing and
twisted.
But the important thing
about my words is
that they're strong.

-My Journal-
The important thing
about my journal is
that it's patient.
It's empty and
scribbled all over,
some pages torn
off.
But the important
thing about my
journal is that
it's patient.

When I die I'll finally have the time
to go visit with my mother,
do the dishes and all those little somethings.
It'd be more money-coming
to my sister and brother.
When I die I'll maybe turn to the Lord,
the only room and board I could afford.

When I die don't bury me.
Just a ghostly linen sheet will do.
Prop me up in the corner discreet.
A Stetson hat, underwear, and my Italian shoes.
When I die let's have us a time–
big bonfire in the woods with wine.

We can go up to my shack
where no one can find us,
lay around in the sack
n' get simpleminded.

I don't know how to explain the feeling without it sounding like it's normal.
I can smile and laugh,
I can talk but I rather not.
The sadness never ends.
I feel empty, and I feel like I'm not good enough.
No matter how hard I try to show how much I love and care, it's never enough.
My heart is tearing into pieces.. and I feel the darkness pulling me under its wing again.
I shouldn't have learned how to love or care because now I'm hurt!
And I don't know how to fix myself.
Whenever I feel like I'm okay, something always happens to tear my heart apart again.
I am a mess.
People think they can handle me when I can't even handle myself.
My heart is broken..
I could never say this so I wrote it on paper.

I kiss you. Goodbye. I wait under you- watch until the plane
goes up. above my by miles, away from me my countries.

The gravel road of our driveway is cool and firm
the sand of the desert is hot and shifting and you are gone

You promise to be home soon- we both know you won't but pretend to believe this is a promise you can keep

you will not be home soon, if you come home at all
I miss you i wait for you i want you here
but you don't come, you can't

Rough ,Wet, Make it hurt
Sore in the morning
No time to flirt
No love, no whispers
Not even a kiss
Like animals, Mechanical
Tasting this
Bruises, teeth marks,
hickeys, thirst
*******, licking, Harder, grinding
The spot, Almost
Screaming, finding
Spasm, tightening
******, blinding

Can you tell that I'm alive?
Let me prove it.