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derailed-trains Nov 2020
but how could love be lost
when it's the only good thing
i've ever known?
-

hollow halls and empty rooms
echo memories of years past
and lost like the love
i once knew
like the love
i once believed
to be true,

back when the sunrise still
bounced off the walls
with the promise of joy
and childlike wonder
and laughter

when i still held on
to the belief that love
could last as long as
time would last,
as long as i believed

that love is enduring,
forever,
no matter what, but
the question,
if youth is temporary,
then can love also be?

if ceilings can lose their
ingtegrity due to water
dripping through the roof
and floorboards can crack
from pressure,

the same way that time
batters down houses and
innocence, nothing
stays as it is,
love too is defenseless
against the wear and the tear

love, too, withers away,
and it has
and it's lost
even if it's the only
good thing i've
ever known
28/11/20
derailed-trains Jul 2019
stagnation tastes bitter
with a spoonful of disappointment
and a cup of regret
but what right do i have to
complain about something
i consciously bring
upon myself
to taste unapologetically
every night
i am reminded
of how aimless
and pointless
i have been
coursing through the
days wasting time
fooling myself into
believing
i had moved an
inch forward towards
something worthy
to wake up to
but even waking up
takes so long
when every night is
like a clingy lover
that i tolerate into
not letting me go
until too much darkness
is enough
and it's time to part
and then it's time
to wake up
again and again
to a new set of stagnating days
aimless
pointless

when will i break through this mess of a year, of a life
derailed-trains May 2019
but what is
the point of
hoping
still
if
our countless
chances
to start over
inescapably
end with
us
crashing
all
the
****
time
"I don't mind the pain, it's the hope that kills me." (A Long Way Down, 2014)
derailed-trains Apr 2019
i always thought
i'd never run out
of chances
to start again,
to make things right
with you,
using you-
the epitome of
leniency
always so forgiving
even in days that
i don't deserve it
i can't quite describe
your omnipresence,
your existence
that transcends us all
mortal beings
your faultless consistency
is also our downfall
you bear witness to
our daily suffering
and ephemeral joys,
our youth and
eventual demise,
the only constant
then, now, and forever
derailed-trains Mar 2019
Do you remember the exact moment when
You finally stopped counting
The cigarettes you lit
The times you uttered ****
The pages you torn
The calls you missed
The opportunities you gave up
The promises you broke
The moments you said goodbye
The bridges you burned
The words you never said
Do you remember when the
Record kept going higher,
Faster than you could count,
You lost track of the last number?
Was this the tenth time I let you down?
Is this the fifth day in a row of the both of us not talking?
I mean, why does it even matter?
The world has turned more times
than we could tally,
The sun sets every day,
Numbers, they go on forever
And so could we

-
is2g there's a point i'm trying to get across here somewhere
derailed-trains Mar 2019
tired of begging for mercy,
for a little less harshness,
for a little less coldness,
how long do i have to grovel on the ground
for these chains to let me go?
pota ang arte sino na naman umaway sa'yo
derailed-trains Mar 2019
the pitter-patter of children's feet
resemble the pounding in my chest
only... it's more painful
like the children are suddenly
competing who could stomp
their feet the hardest
i can't control how
my heart beats...
how it skips...
or how it falters
i only know that it hurts
in the most random of times
like... it wants to escape my chest
like... it no longer wants to stay there
out of the blue
out of nowhere
as if it's really out
to take me by surprise
(like a myocardial infarction)
to knock the breath out
of my lungs
to **** the strength out of
of my knees
...
huh // 01-22-19
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