i'm so used to someone cutting me off or just the lack of attention to what i'm actually saying
that now i'm almost scared when people really listen to me
i wait for the punchline of their sick joke and their gutwrenching laugh that will soon follow
*
every word is a risk

you play at the edges of my mind
taking more of me every time you come
there is no prevention i could take against you
i've put trees along my coastlines by thinking of other people, putting on movies, doing work
i've even tried deleting your name, shoving it down to my murky depths
i hoped you'd stay there for everything you've made me feel
but you simply refuse to be forgotten
you only come back stronger with every tide

if i am to die soon
don't let my one of my so-called friends paint me as this happy person because they never bothered to check up on me.

don't let them try to joke about if i would've liked the color of the casket
or say any of the cheesy ****

no
you don't feel my presence, you feel your guilt seeping through and want to change our last interaction to offer you some kind of comfort

no
i'm not an angel in the sky looking down on you.
i'm dead.
don't try to find comfort in my death.
fathom the darkness that will keep me better than you ever could.

as you sit there with my absence
i hope you're slapped by the heavy silence just i was from all the dark nights spent crying in my room wondering what was wrong with me.

.................................................................­.........................
T
Th
The
The m
The mu
The mus
The musi
The music
The music i
The music in
The music in m
The music in my
The music in my h
The music in my he
The music in my he
The music in my hea
The music in my head
The music in my hea
The music in my he
The music in my h
The music in my
The music in m
The music in
The music i
The music
The musi
The mus
The mu
The m
The
Th
T
H
Ha
Has
Has b
Has be
Has bee
Has been
Has been o
Has been on
Has been on r
Has been on re
Has been on rep
Has been on repe
Has been on repea
Has been on repeat
Has been on repea
Has been on repe
Has been on rep
Has been on re
Has been on r
Has been on
Has been o
Has been
Has bee
Has be
Has b
Has
Ha
H
T
Tu
Tur
Turn
Turne
Turned
Turned a
Turned al
Turned all
Turned all t
Turned all th
Turned all the
Turned all the w
Turned all the wa
Turned all the way
Turned all the way u
Turned all the way up
Turned all the way u
Turned all the way
Turned all the wa
Turned all the w
Turned all the
Turned all th
Turned all t
Turned all
Turned al
Turned a
Turned
Turne
Turn
Tur
Tu
T
F
Fo
For
For q
For qu
For qui
For quit
For quite
For quite s
For quite so
For quite som
For quite some
For quite some t
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For quite so
For quite s
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For qui
For qu
For q
For
Fo
F
......................................................­....................................
Sadly, I've forgotten the melody

when ever i hear your name
my heart instantly
sinks
to the bottom of a
sea.