I planned it all out
    Carefully manipulated
       Every tiny detail
           As if I thought
               For those few seconds
                   That I could script life
                        I was going to tell you
                           I had it all figured out
                             But when life happens It never happens the way you wish.
    Your laughter seemed off
        Your smiles struggled
            As if you were clinging
                To a past happiness
                     Or trying for us or you
                         To act like everything
                               Was fine
And so I knew that my seemingly
   Unimportant piece of news
       Would knock you from
            Your carefully placed
                Pedestals, and that I could
                    Not bear to see
                        So since I couldn't
                           Find the courage.
                               To tell you in person
                                   I wrote it in a poem
I had a relapse, it was only two days
But I felt so hollow, so empty
And everything seemed to hit me
Like a train that had been delayed
I realized how far apart we really are
We said that it wouldn't change us
But I know that isn't true
We will always be friends but things are different now. And just the other day. In the hall I met his eyes and all I wanted to do was turn to you and cry
But then I realized I have gone so far, that no longer can I turn to you and hug you, unless it's from afar. So I had a two day relapse, it's run its corse and gone, and even though it's over now, if you know what I mean, the long sleeves are on.

Your toothbrush still has the paste on it
The plate shattered in fragments of you
The glass still has your lip stain on
This bed I'm sleeping in still smells of you
Lying to myself that you'll comeback
Leaving him and crying and knocking on the door begging to come in
But hey, who am I kidding..

Put the car in reverse as you slipped into neutral
A gear must've rusted; I trust the machine busted
because things became mechanical, to be truthful
Major malfunction--our junction ceased to be lusted
by my soul's circuits and tired wires proved to be liars
I thought I knew what I wanted, but I was wrong
My cogs, guts and screws became loose in the mire 
of our muddled love, where I did no belong

What worth is living when everything ran rampant silhouettes of you
Running through these polaroids on the wall
I did get out, but it's you everywhere I go
You have etched this fire in my heart 
When it burns when we're in love
And when it burns my soul 
To ashes remnants of you
Trying my best to get out
I knew you were trouble from the start
But my heart's like a glass thirsts for that lust
Now broken brittled into pieces
Fragments no longer could be fitted 

Puzzle pieces and Polaroids for the incinerator
A conflagration consuming our condition
where you fail to see what I fail to do
I may be coldly pieced together, but I'm no traitor
*My love was just another raggedy rendition,
But your eyes are the demons haunting you

People stopped asking me how I feel, simply because I think that they already knew the answer and they didn’t want to bother with repetition. I turned into a page in a book. Only looked at when needed, only read when I’m wanted. Then I’m put back on the shelf. I feel like people forget about me. That I sort of just fade into the background, because I’m just always there. I am the fly on the wall. Swatted away, and forgotten. There is no real dedication to my existence. Just moments of clarity, and then they go blind again. No matter what it is I am I feel like people stopped caring about me. Maybe it is in a selfish way or maybe it is because I became good at hiding my feelings. I feel like the stars in the night sky. Millions and millions of light years away, and I disappear before anyone acknowledges me.

I know
how she is
lying there,
lying to herself
because she told me.

And I know
how she feels,
how she felt
beneath me,
taking all of me
to quench her fever.

And she
can
suppress,
attempt
to hide it
all she wants.

But kindred spirits
with passions
running
as deep as ours
know
hungry animals
can never
be caged.

And I wish
she still wanted me,
the way,
the way
she used to...claw me.

"you like him."
she said it like it was a statement, not a question.
"uh...not really?"
I tried to be nonchalant, convincing.
"you do. I can see it in your eyes.
when you feel like no one's looking,     you look at him
and absorb all his features, and the smallest of smiles appears on your face.
and when he is looking-at you in specific-
your whole face glows. it's like he's the sun,
and you temporarily share all his warmth and light.
it's beautiful."