Get too emotionally invested.
Brain gets infested.
It’s like I get taken over by a world of demons.
So mentally ****** because of the past SO’s.
Unbelievable what one can do without ever laying a finger on ones body.
Messed up to the core.
Physically present.
Mentally absent.
Emotionally unavailable.
Broken spirit but I still fly high.
Lone-rider.
Wondering if maybe being alone is best for me.
Healthiest for me.
Intoxicated with feelings make me feel like a drunken fool.
Sober and alone is where it’s at.
Nobody likes being alone.
Nobody’s afraid of love.
We all love love.
We’re just ****** from the last and the past.

I have tried over and over.
Heartbreak after heartbreak.
After so long you begin to feel worthless.
Feeling unworthy, drained, and empty.
I’m tired of trying.
Mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Finally, May of 2020, I have become officially okay with being alone.
February 2020, I had yet changed again once more.
However, this time it is much different.
I have absolutely no desire to seek for love or a relationship.
The thought of a relationship literally freaks me out mentally.
I’ve never had this feeling before.
Always craving new love when my love is taken from me.
Not this time.
Not anymore.
I’ve changed.
Hurt has changed me for good.
Cuts a little deeper each time.
Pretty soon I’ll be down to the bone.
The feeling is rather bittersweet.
Yet at the same time it’s such a good feeling too.
Being okay with being alone means I want to continue to take care of myself 100% rather than depend on someone for emotional fulfillment.
Never again, will I ever love the same.
I’m different.
I’m over it.
Gone.

if ya down wit dis listen
to this gayrap swallow it
like a fat jaypack it is anti-macho
against crews like humpty-packo

pitch-black baby ain't no rooster
will **** wit our ****-booster
we are too star for your underground
flows are miles-high and they glitter

it is lipstick-**** we're spitting poison
and your kid sound vanishes
look your raps are always "almost"
you'll be killed by our host

like the impaler this guy vlad
your midlife-crisis is cute
eminem is now called ruth
the new rapcolor is purple

where the fire truck is going
no one will ever know

it comes so quickly
vanishes even faster

and when it passes we feel lost
unsure

why the city has to be so dark
and misty

Whit Howland © 2020

Breathe in,
Breathe out,
Very good, that's what it is about.