This sits between us
Like poison between
Skin and blood
If you could give back
What you stole
You wouldn't.
Offer yourself again
As if you are the equivalent
To the love lost
Colonizer lover,
Thief of my soul.

I wish I would have said thank you,
Instead of goodbye

You know me as,
The creaky floorboards,
And the rattling doors
At midnight
I've been haunting you
For years now
I've been worried lately
You stopped singing
While you do the dishes
I've not seen you
Turn on the stove
In a month
You used to hear me
Breaking the silence
While you read books
Under your covers
But I don't remember
The last time
You sat in silence
With me and your thoughts
What is it
That you're drowning out?
You clean the house
Like the dirt is screaming
You scrub your body
Like your skin is poison
You fill the room
With background noise
Like you're afraid
Hollow air will choke you
The voices on the phone
Never last long enough
So you keep finding
More people to call
Youre always home
But youre never here
I'm just here
To say I miss you
To remind you I'm here
And that you're here
And that I'd like
To meet with you
In the stillness again
When your heart stops racing
Ans your breathing slows
I'd like to have the noise
Stop long enough
For you to notice
When I make
Floorboards creak
And doors rattle
When I'm lonely

Grief is a liquid
It is the tears in my pillow
Sweating you out into bedsheets
It is sickness in the morning
Whiskey in a mug before breakfast
It is the water I can't drink
It is the storm that kept me awake
The night you called
It is the rain that's followed me since
And the coffee gone cold on my nightstand
Where you left it.

My bones are too hollow
To hold my worth
My body is a chapel
I am begging to crumble
I hold holy water
In my collar bones
As I kneel before a mirror
I am praying to be emptier
Heaven tastes like ice water
I want to meet my maker
In a gown that doesn't fit me
The scale is an altar
I sacrifice my body to
Lord knows I know how to fast,
Am I holier when I'm hungry?

I started drinking on the weekends,
Like you always used to do,
I wonder if I'll drink in the morning,
On Tuesdays and Thursdays too,
I started lying to my partner,
When I go out late at night,
I never own up to my actions,
I'm not afraid to start a fight,
I started missing all your birthday's,
I didn't call you back the other day,
I wanted to tell you I love you,
But I would only be in the way,
Just like you always said to me,
"To be alone wouldn't be so bad"
I'll just keep letting you down,
And be exactly like you, Dad.

I retreat into the quiet world
Where wind sweeps softly
Through fields of poppies
Whispering sedative lullabies
While clouds of cotton roll by
Basking in salted sunshine
Light dances softly in the valley
To the songs of the morning

I blink my eyes open
You're still screaming

I drift back to the quiet world.