Mum
why won't you listen?
when I say I had a panic attack
you say 'don't be stupid, just because your friend gets them doesn't mean you do'
I can't help it, I close my mind off and denied the fact this happens because you think it's a choice
but I have one question why the **** would you want to feel like you're going to pass out or not be able to breathe? And what person would pretend this happened?
So I had a panic attack
you say 'stop being stupid'
I can't talk to you without you thinking I'm acting or you being ignorant to the point where I feel like I'm worthless and you don't care.

Why would you say that?
I know it's maths
but to say "that 3% of the population are gay that's one in the class.
Who do you think is the ***?
Let's find 'em"
is not appropriate.

You didn't realise
that 3% was sat in front of you
feeling like they can't come out
because of people like you
who talk as if they're bad
like you're going to beat them down
verbally or physically.

You don't realise that people are afraid
to say who they are
they feel as though they're shamed
because of who they are.
It's people like me under your verbal attack
and everyone else questions
why you would say that?

***** you know I'm not straight
but your friends didn't know so you still let them hate.
Obviously they're allowed their views I give it to them
but is not alright for my actions to be condemned.
They know it isn't contagious but talk as if I'm sick.
Well I'm not so tell them, they're being a ******* *****.
Friends are not friends when they treat their friends, friends like ****.
So please tell them to stop and think, maybe some girls just don't like *****.

Are you?
yes, I always have.
How did you know?
I just did
So is it like this?
I don't know.
Ok...I understand.
Do you really?
Ye, it's just the opposite. It's the same really.
Just stop pretending you know everything.
I was just trying... to understand how.
I don't care that you don't.
I don't get it.
Exactly, you never will.

Anger comes and goes sometimes it stays.

It's annoying at first then fades away.

Just like the rainy days

in the middle of August.

I miss the discoloured white walls
And the smell of cigarette smoke
And that wooden, black door
That can't be answered no more

Low days that get lower.
When you want to go home
but the day goes slower
and you feel alone.
No one knows what you're going through
they see you every day
and see right through you
nothing ever goes your way.
You feel like nothing's in your favour,
you are alone but not in the way you want to be
wishing you had a razor
but your think... do I really want to bleed.
It's a bad day thats getting worse.
You're lost in what to do
there's no way to rehearse.
You just have to exist for now even though you don't want too.

It seems like all my memories are shut behind your door


And              
all            
that        
remain
come
from
hospital
walls.

Expressed emotions
are less powerful
than those that are
built up and let out
at once. They leave
more damage that  
is unrepairable.

I'm crying
then I'm not
I'm smiling
then crying
then nothing
I can't feel anything
my head is blank
my face is blank
my eyes are lost
then my eyes are filling
with tears
then I'm ok
then I'm smiling
then nothing
then crying