muhdzaim

muhdzaim Feb 2019

When I work by myself,
I feel like I am lonely,
Could feel the wind dancing,
Could feel the feelings I should not feel,
Could have thought of million things,
And missing the touch between the other's skin.

While,

When I am surround by people,
Curses become goodnight wishes,
Love become painful and heartless,
Fighting is the main course,
Dark is our source,
And Light is not for us.

What,
What should I choose?,

Where,
Where should I go?,

Who,
Who should I be with?,

The answer?
I still don't know,
I am clueless,
Just following all the endless road,
With heart full of hopes,
May the ending bring all the "pieces".

Sudden thoughts of mine when i am space out while hanging out with my friends.

#zaim

muhdzaim Dec 2018

Hope & Love

No hope no sob
No women no love
No men no pride
I want no hopes
Cause it makes me choked.

Every time "its" smile,
I am so in love,
Most of the time "they" lean,
My body 's "aching",
But

When the time "they" are gone,
My world becomes dimmer.
A lot of time "its" blurring,
Makes me couldn't see my future,
And every time to say "goodbye",
I could really die.
Yet

I can't run from "it",
I can't hide from "it",
Cause it's will happen like a loop,
And I will always lose,
Move on or still giving hopes,
That's what I need to choose.

Eventually, everyone still really hoping on something to be happening such as love, relationship, family, happiness and future. But every time you couldn't get what you hoping for, it really makes you sad and miserable. So, I hope you guys be strong and independent.

#zaim #hope

muhdzaim Sep 2018

Dear Mr.Strength

Where are you?
Where are you at when I feel weak,
All the darkness kept hold me down,
I do not know if I could hold it anymore,
because I know "they" will come more and more,
non-stop like don't know when "they" will stop.

Hey, can you find your way?
The way to touch me,
Makes me feel that "you're" still existed,
I know almost the "inside" surrounded by black light,
but I want you to get out of the dark "maze".
and meet me at my gaze.

I feel so miserable,
I feel so helpless,
I am so weak to speak,
I really want to shut my eyes forever,
And makes "them" disappear until
they're out of number.
Yet still, "they" are good at controlling me,
Am I hopeless?

Maybe yes I am,
but I still want you to know
Dear Mr.Strength,
please come back to my life,
and together we create a better life.

Wrote this since I am felt so miserable.

#zaim #strength

muhdzaim Aug 2018

Walking through a tunnel

walking through a tunnel,
no light no wind,
no sound could be heard,
no "potion" to heal,
search for anything in the bag,
but nothing can be "grab",
face up, looking straight,
no sun to see.

"they" keep pushing me,
like there's no limit,
My soul is so weak
with no any "spirit",
they asked for it,
I keep give it,
need a short break,
from all "those freak".

is this the only path?
maybe yes or not,
give me some light,
to open my eyes,
I know at the "front",
there's always a way to walk through,
lead me to a better tunnel
and have some space,
my wound could be healed,
with an "easy" phase.

#zaim #tunnel #phase #path

muhdzaim Jul 2018

24/7, please no tomorrow

what time right now?
I ask after I have done
every "blissful works" of mine.
Every "blissful art" painted,
hope its consume my time.
But it will never happen,
not even a time.

what time right now?
I keep asking
every time I'm daydreaming.
Just don't want to feel empty
and want to "run from reality".
Like the world has no meaning,
I took a pill to swim into my dream.

what time right now?
Wondering all day long,
got nothing to do.
Keep brushing off all the "artwork"
painted on my body,
while whining on my knee.

what time right now?
I give a look to the sky
when the night "bloom".
The moon says "hi"
and the sun said
"hope to see you tomorrow".

then
I'm crying in my mind,
hoping with my heart,
before close my eyes,
24/7, please no tomorrow.

#zaim #blissful #art #time

muhdzaim Jul 2018

Dear myself

Dear myself,
Why I can't feel anything?
There's pain but
I feel like i'm "immune" to it,
I feel like i am addicted to that,
and love to play with it.

Dear myself,
Why I can't see anything?
I lost in the dark pitch world.
I am so "lonely".
Sometimes i feel like i'm "drowning",
and sometimes i feel like i'm "falling"
Every time i tried to reach for a "thing" to hang on,
I couldn't find any "thing".

Dear myself,
Why nobody heard my "whine"?
Helplessly crying and whining.
Why nobody "saw" me?
Maybe there's no door open for me
and no window for me to "face" the light.

Dear myself,
Why keep hiding from the "crow"?
Why keep crying "soundlessly"?
All the "dark" bruises and scars never leave,
Not even once to relieve.

I beg to myself,
Please hold my "hand",
Do not avoid me,
Please give me a chance to walk,
to show a grin and see the light,
Please do not "delete" me,
I know you still love me
.
.
.
.
.
Even I am you,
with all the "begs",
and all the "rainbow" dreams,
You know what you want to say,
"It's alright".

okay this is all about between my fake self and true self. feel like every time i want to change to my true self, i will said " its alright" or "maybe next time" .

#zaim #dearmyself #trueself #dreams

muhdzaim Jul 2018

Questions

"Whose fault is this?"
Nobody knows, nobody wanted to come out,
Too silent to hear a crack sound,
Yes, the offender is too powerful,
and make us "zip" our mouth.
Forced us to point our finger at poor people,
and made us feel guilty.
This weakness kept hunting us down
and "dance" with us on the ground.

Boy or girl, you can cry
but how long?
"How long can I endure ?"
I still do not know the answer.
While we are "making" the world more worst,
we still lose deep in our minds.
Afraid to come out, afraid to speak out loud,
Afraid to fight back and keep "lying" to ourselves.

"When we could stand together?"
"When the cry would stop?"
"When does the dream become true?"
Today I am standing on my own feet to fight's back, tomorrow I am happy,
Today I stopped the cry to makes a great move and said "no" loudly,
Today I came out as a "real" person, no faker, no more "questions".
Yes, today, You and I can change the "questions" to reality.

No more questions guys. It's okay you can cry even you're a boy because you're human too. But when the "questions" can change to reality? So let's be brave to come out, say "no", fight back, stop the cry because that's the only ways to change the world to a better place because we deserve to be happy and make our dream come true.

#zaim #questions #brave #happy #fight