I want to be gone.
Erased from lives and history.
No pain,
No regrets.
No stinging hearts,
No pointed fingers.
No variables.
No guilt.
I added up to nothing.
0.00 recurring.
Each phantom day,
Each worthless minute.
Please let it end.
Without
Consequence.
Without
Meaning.
Without
Me.

When you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf,
  Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds;
And I can only stare, and shape my grief
  In little words.

I cannot conjure loveliness, to drown
  The bitter woe that racks my cords apart.
The weary pen that sets my sorrow down
  Feeds at my heart.

There is no mercy in the shifting year,
  No beauty wraps me tenderly about.
I turn to little words--so you, my dear,
  Can spell them out.

It's quiet and cold inside.
Silent hostility,
Leaving me numb.
The misery breaks,
Washing away all trace of humanity.
This flood won't cleanse but eradicate.
All comfort and empathy denied.
Your words are empty missiles,
Leaving no trace of impact.
Cradle and embrace me,
But I can't feel you.

This is the ebb and flow of annihilation,
This is the will draining,
This is the light fading.

As I lose myself,
You never knew me.

This pain,
This addiction.
A love letter —
Carved in skin.
A ****** red itch.
Undenied.
My scars are medals,
Tragic measurements.
Sickening,
Precise in their torment.
Self-loathing.
Self-inflicted.
Self-destruct.

Come thou, thou last one, whom I recognize,
unbearable pain throughout this body's fabric:
as I in my spirit burned, see, I now burn in thee:
the wood that long resisted the advancing flames
which thou kept flaring, I now am nourishing
and burn in thee.

My gentle and mild being through thy ruthless fury
has turned into a raging hell that is not from here.
Quite pure, quite free of future planning, I mounted
the tangled funeral pyre built for my suffering,
so sure of nothing more to buy for future needs,
while in my heart the stored reserves kept silent.

Is it still I, who there past all recognition burn?
Memories I do not seize and bring inside.
O life! O living! O to be outside!
And I in flames. And no one here who knows me.

On every leaf,
Of every tree
And beautiful in memory.
A girl in black
Shared her love with me —
Secrets dark and true.
In each word,
I see remain
Nothing greater than her name.
Written, sweetly still.
In empty voices,
All around
Her gentle voice can still be found.
Reaching, softly still.
On every wave,
Of every sea
And beautiful in memory.
A girl in black
Shared her love with me —
Secrets dark and true.

The edge, static.
Dangling our feet —
Toward oblivion.
You smiled at me.
Hand
in
Hand.
We were happy,
For the last time.