i see her stare out of the
corner of these bleary eyes.
i wonder what she is looking at.
"why is she staring in such a
perpetual manner?" i ask myself.
she makes me feel as if i'm
a starry night...like she's waiting for
something extraordinary to happen.
i blush
no one has ever looked at me the
way she does, maybe i've always been afraid to let people do so.
my cadaverous body goes cold
only to be warmed by the endearing touch of her hand.

and in that moment i knew that i
wanted to spend an eternity with her,
because for once...

i knew i was going to be okay.

someone once asked
me to describe
home and i was
so close to saying
your name, but
instead i refrained
from saying anything
at all and stayed quiet.
people expect me to say
a ******* place,
but the only place i've
ever had a certainty of
home was in your two arms.

i'm stuck, i'm scared, i have
no clue where i can turn.
my last bit of hope packed their
things and left a long time ago.
i count the days til i'll see them
again, but they left without a goodbye.
i am archaic ruins trying to fabricate
myself back to the way i used to be,
but i'm missing too many pieces to do so.
i'm left to erode and it seems
that's the only coice i even have left.

the pine needles brush against my
skin too big for these bones.
what is it like to feel comfortable,
why do i feel anything but normal always?
i want to feel as if i'm the top of these
trees, something bigger than myself.
i flick my cigarette like it's a habit i cannot break to reassure i'm still alive.
the smoke rises higher and higher, but
not high enough to be noticed.
i want to be seen behind closed curtains,
am i really even there?
for that i lay and rest these weary eyes
until i'm nothing,
just another plane lost on radar buried
underneath a thick snowy blanket.

remember me not, but don't forget me.

sincerely yours,

you can only run for so long
until you find that no matter
how far you get, the demon
that haunts you will always
be sewn to you like your shadow.
i need a piece of hope,
something, just something reassuring me
i'm not as crazy as i think.
maybe the wind has been
whispering to me this whole time.
i am just a leaf that has fallen,
but i promise as always
i will he back in time for spring.
until then i will become comfortable
with disappearing for the winter,
and who knows, maybe when the snow melts and the eerie chills of this brisk season are exiled, i will return as something more beautiful than any other leaf...

because that leaf will be me.

she resembled a graveyard
her body cemetaries
her eyes six feet too deep.
she claims she's not dead.
she mutters whispers barely audible
"i am not the corpse,
i am not the water that will drown you,
i am the noose tied too tight,
i am the trigger that is pulled,
the bottle of pills swallowed, the overdose.
she acts as if it's something to be proud of
something to be admired.
my hands too cold to be felt,
she is the thought that always crosses
the mind of a sad boy.
i am simply a skeleton with skin too big
for these weary bones.
i am the coffin and nothing more
than the dirt used to bury it.
the hourglass is coming to it's final stretch.
is this what it feels like to be alive?

it's impossible to be alive when you're already

                         dead.

sorry for smelling like
cigarette smoke and staring
at you all the time and
never being able to smile.
sorry i'm always sad and
for having a shaky voice
when you tell me beautiful words
that weren't made for
someone like me.