What happened to "I will never hurt you" "I will never leave you" " You are the best thing that ever happened to me"

The words and sentences were exchanged for screaming, crying and aggressiveness

We have faught, strangled and hurt each other, screamed in each other´s faces that we hate each other and that we never want to see each other ever again

Maybe that would have been the best for us, that we went our separate ways and never laid eyes on each other again, but there is something about the two of us, we thrive on hatred

You are the only person i know i won’t forget
Because no matter who else comes along, no matter what they do
At the end of the night when i let my mind free, it always runs straight back to you

love unconditionally
love limitlessly
love infinitely
love with every inch of your being
and keep loving for as long as you live
even if you get nothing at all in return
be the one that gave everything you could,
not the one that took everything they had

You could be anyone, anywhere, doing anything
but your someone, somewhere listening to me.

You could be nobody, or everybody just living your life
and what a life it could be

The flash happens just as the sun passes the horizon
The moment where for us it's finished falling but for them it's just started rising
It is at it's brightest just before it alls goes black
As if it's giving out all it can in case it's never coming back
Sometimes the color changes, it goes green for a second or two
People say it's like a bright green bolt from the blue
But the sun never actually gets brighter, it's always been the same bright light
Things just seem a litte lighter when they're followed by the night

The scent of you is soaring around like an atmosphere in my room while you sleep.
I can't help but to breathe it in and smell.
My eyes starts to water as I think of you and her together.
Am i crying now again?
Probably best that I wipe my tears before you wake up and ask me "what's wrong?"  and I'm forced to lie.
How do you tell a person that they are the reason?
The reason to why I am crying.
The reason to why my heart hurts.

I will sit and watch the rose petals fall one by one
until it tells me if you love me or not
then, when it's done, I'll come and tell you how much I love you
wether you love me or not

let's not argue like this is disposable
let's not drop words like bombs to see if we're unbreakable
because me loving you and you loving me doesn't make us permanent
this is not one that if we break we can just build another
so let's not be reckless with our hearts
let's be gentle with each other

when you got me
the moment i finally became yours
i showed you parts of myself that i've never showed anyone
you couldn't handle it,
so you destroyed me
tortured me to the point where i  no longer were myself
i wasn't alive
you not only made me hate myself
but you made me hate everyone around me
including the one I used to love the most in the world.
You

i think that i'm scared of you.
i'm twisted and nauseous inside
whenever you're around.
i'm always waiting for the next threat,
the next thing i need to apologize for,
the next thing you'll get mad about.
i always have to play along

but i can't leave.
because i know i'll never taste good to anyone other than you

It's 3 am
We ended two hours ago

I tried to call the number my psycologist gave to me
She told me to call it if I ever felt the urge of doing it again

So I did, I tried calling, but no one answered
It's meant to be, it has to happen and it has to happen now,
before  I overthink and change my mind

When I first met you, you were perfect
Not just superficial or pretty on the surface
I genuinely thought you were the best thing since sliced bread
Maybe there was something broken inside my head
Because later down the line you broke me, not just cracked but shattered
Yet inside my head none of that really mattered
You could treat me like literal dirt on you shoe
But for some reason there’s just something about you
You treat me with absolutely no respect
But for some stupid reason, I still think you’re perfect

As long as it takes for me to throw away your hoodie,
that's how long it will take.
The thing is, it doesn't feel like it's mine to throw away.
But then again, I wasn't yours to throw away.
And that didn't stop you

you locked eyes with them as they walked past
only a few seconds and the seconds went fast
but your path and theirs crossed at the exact same moment
and they'll go on their way to live their own life and you have no idea what that might be
you'll probably never see them again
but you shared that one moment with them
So smile at the stranger in the street, the stranger you almost got to meet

Whatever I amount to, may it be enough for you
even if it's not abundance or wealth
I hope you'll love me all the same

from me, to myself

i want to dive in deep and i want to leave a trace
of the places that i've been and the things that i've done
i want to go on roadtrips and get lost just for fun
i want to throw my head back and scream at the top of my lungs
in the middle of a field as i lay under the moon
and i don't want it in the future, i want to do it soon
i want to be someone's courage, someones happiness, someones light
i want to take people dancing in the middle of the night
i want to be known for being able to make people smile
and make someone want to live longer, even just for a while
those people that light up the world, i want to become one
i want to be remebered for being someone

I am this tiny spec
In this tiny villiage
On this tiny island
On this thiny earth, that is not so tiny at all

I am this huge body
Made of millions of atoms
I am an inticate mechanism of nature
Full of things we don’t understand, not even a little bit, not even at all

I am not spectacular or magnificent
I am just human
and that is all

Today isn't about craving
it's not about fuelling that hunger that you have for love with chocolates or flowers or hugs
it's not about trying to fill a hole that they have made you feel worthy of having today just because you have no one's hand to hold
it's just a day to appreciate love, may that be hugging your friends a little tighter, complimenting a stranger or just smiling at your own reflection tonight when you realise you made it through today without craving, you made it through today by letting out all of the love that you'd been saving

How difficult can it possibly be?
How f*cking difficult can it be to respect myself?
How the hell can I let him act and behave like this time after time?

I once promised myself that if he hurts me one more time
it's over for real, I'd call it quits
Shortly afterwards it happened again.
Did I leave him?
Did I respect myself for once?
No.
How I wish I could have respected and listened to my own needs
Because he's not good for me, no matter how much I try to persuade myself that he is

I wish he would be able to make me feel completed, respected, loved and accepted.
I would do anything to feel it, just for a split second, anything

I think that secretly I really miss you
and I say secretly because even I didn't know it until now
I know that it has been bottled up in a tiny corner in my heart
and it's only just washed up somehow
I think I ignore the fact that I miss you
because I know you're not going anywhere
but then a home seems stable until it's ripped up by a storm
a heart seems warm until it's frozen to the core
there is nothing about loving you that makes us permanent
we are both just human you see
but I want you to know that you are the start and the end of me
I could tell you this a hundred times over and it till wouldn't be enough to last
but I would rather you hear it echo around your eardrums
I'd rather you be sick of knowing
so my days of throwing secrets in bottles into the ocean of my heart
I'm leaving in the past

Intimacy without love is like closeness without touch
it feels good in the moment, but it's not quite enough

In a way
instead of figuring out who you are
you end up fighting who you were
whilst chasing who you want to be
and in the process
exhausting yourself eventually
so, just be
and that will be enough for me

Count me out,
leave me out,
cut me out
because i'm not taking your **** anymore
i call you everyday but you've never called me before
so call it quits, leave it now, let's say that we're through
because it started with us, but it's ending with you
you and your "give me a minute"
you and your "maybe another day"
me and my nothing to respond with except "ok"
but it's really not
it's a waste of my time
but i spend it all on you so i guess it's not really mine
you've not spent a second of yours on me in, well, ever
so this is me learning to spend wisely
i'm learning to be clever