In January I felt so free
Wanting to explore vast infinity

In February I started school
Ditching classes like any fool

In March I was at work and met you
A man with brown eyes and a gaze so blue

In April my heart did sing
With all the love you did bring

In May I felt brand new
******* for the first time in front of you

In June I was so uneasy
Fearing that you'd up and leave me

In July you ended it all
Telling me you'd never call

In August I wept through the season
Feeling like my life had no reason

In September I regained my strength
Deciding to cut my depression's length

In October we met again
Darkness in your eyes did reign

In November you tried to play with me
But your false words didn't drown me in misery

In December you told me about your cheating
When you found your heart wounded and bleeding

I bow to the cause,
I grew into its hat,
I floated above its rim as I slowly began to trim,
it shaped into my mind
as it soaked up my thoughts.

I sat to have tea with my shadow and me,
as it began to rain,
we ran around catching each drop in our cups of tea.

I was awoken by my tears and my shadow crying
in my shoes.

This whole time I was dreaming of madness,
Yet I never knew.

Can madness dream?  


© By Amanda Shelton

I am not strong
as synaptic junctions
stutter and fail
and blood pulses hot
against thin arterial walls.

I cram sticky little secrets
into the space between
the mirror and the wall
and put on my best
**** eating grin-
hiding behind words
that slip and lukewarm
nihilism.

I am not strong
as outlines blur into
shimmering watercolor
and my hands grip the railing
for a fleeting sense of
functional equilibrium.

I give you only the things
that I deem worthy of letting go-
only the meek and sickening
remembrances of insanity,
the things that I can
romanticize aloud.

I am not strong
as my brain fills with
black thoughts and
death wishes like saccharine.

I am not strong
but you've never asked me to be.
You know that muscles pull
and that I only have the strength
to push.
You haven't tried to iron out
the lines of my smile yet
nor made demands
or promises that lie unkept.

I am not strong,
but perhaps
there is something
more.