As his feet step from the door,

His pace begins to stretch

From distance to time;

Each planted foot an hour

I don't get to see.


As his heel strikes the floor,

My brain begins the clock

From now until then;

Each hour a lifetime

I don't get to have.


Maybe just a little more;

Is that my avarice again?

Endlessly grasping

For my smaller hand

To spin back to a time

I don't get to keep.


It's not for keeping score;

Though at the start...

No matter,

That time has gone;

Poignant regrets

I don't get to think.


The years become a war

Between now and then,

Image and reality,

A mountain from a pebble

I don't get to miss.


How time flies.


As I close the door,

I lock away my thoughts;

Tuck them away

For twelve long days

Until the doorbell rings,

And there he is;

My son I get to have.

Sometimes I choke back tears
Sometimes I hinder in doorways
Sometimes I'm just numb
But I'm always throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I feel like nothing at all
Sometimes I use the scissors
Sometimes I OD
Then I'm throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I think it's all okay
Sometimes I smile again
Sometimes it's not worth it
So I'm throwing up anti depressants
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever wake
Sometimes I wonder if I want to
Sometimes my dreams are everything
I'm just throwing up anti depressants

"You met me at a very strange time in my life,"
and I could tell that you go for the wrong kind of guys,
so I pretended to be the other type.
The kind you don't like:
One of those who idolize.
And it worked.
Yet somehow in the process,
I managed to get hurt.

Do you really want to know the truth?
I thought that I would only hurt you.
I was still reeling from my past mistakes,
and you were far too sweet, too nice, too great.
So I did what I had to do,
but somewhere along the way,
I actually fell in love with you.
Big
*******
Mistake.

My muse can be annoying but I find it quite amusing.
She takes the cake when it comes to making the commonplace confusing.
Does she like it when I'm climbing,
or would she rather see me fall?
She's either dumb as a wall or just doesn't care at all.
Schadenfreude. Paramountcy. Trounced then disenthralled.
I'm forced to use these great big words because she makes me feel so small.