Cotton candy and barbed wire define my world
Pink painted princess walls by day become
A torture chamber by night as I am
Dragged to hell by the gnashing teeth of his demon
Sweet sunlight falls on my face in patterned squares
As I play with dolls on the cloudy carpet
In this bright fantasy Barbie can tell Ken NO!
And shut him away forever in the toy box
At night, in the gloom of reality Ken creeps from
Within the toy box of her mind with his filthy fingers
And beer breath. Light the color of
Sickness forces it's way into my supposed
Safe space as the shadow silently enters the doorway
That's my cue to feign sleep and run
Run so far away into my mind
But there is no escape from grotesque horrors which
Invade even the psyche. Every padded cubby becomes a
Sordid pit of persecution where a demon devours
The savory scraps of a little girl's soul
Every blissful oasis scorched
Into a treacherous wasteland of sewage
Even my dreams, once populated by roller skates
And dolphins, offer no respite from the
Demented dealings with demonic deities.
Blood and Pain and Scars and Lies and Hate
Are all the sandman has to deliver most nights
Underlying it all is Fear, fear of the truth
The truth being it will only end
In death. Mine or his

Buried in the walls of an abandoned house
You will find my morality, integrity and values
How can I be holy in a holocaust?
Shame has stripped away my humanity
And left me with volumes of despair
Shuttered into my wrinkled world*

Watching her smile at me from yellowed newsprint
And creased photographs in which everyone looks
The same, except for her. A haunting spirit which
Possesses even the cellulose and ink I clutch
In my trembling hands. Trophies of a brilliant life
That once snagged on a sharpened shard, began to
Unravel amidst Hope and Happiness and Honor
I flagellate myself with memories of walks and
Trips and fights. No amount of self-mortification
Is sufficient to satisfy the demons which torment
Me, nor the angels which mourn her. No penitence
Can relieve me of the yoke I'm burdened with of
Anger, Remorse, and Resentment. No purgatory
Sentence can properly prepare me for a pardon
Volumes of thought left behind in word and
Picture offer little solace to my fractured feelings
Left here to reassemble this life alone
This daunting task of overwhelming breadth
Leaves me with no answers, only the question
How can I complete the puzzle with a
Piece lost forever?

Post ****** furnace boiling
The breeze kisses my flesh
She softly sings the sounds of bliss
Into my heaving chest
Unknown yet welcomed
The respite from heavy churning passion
Machines well oiled and primed
To deliver it's passengers through
Aeons in a few swift moments
She is my vessel and fellow traveler
Across the spiritual landscape
We have painted
Old canvas dusted and renewed
Under the Master's brush
His hand becomes mine becomes hers
Post ****** furnace boiling
New ideas, new vigor, new life

The thing that once was yet could never be
I feel again welling inside of me
Thick oily smoke rises from my soul
Invading every pore, filling every hole
Where the me I'd constructed, had once taken hold
Compassion confined to an unknown place
As I grab your cheeks and lick your face
Bound to me by your own mind
Release from me what I dared not find
Your eyes tell me who you are
They betray your deepest scar
The ***** within is pulling faster
Begging kneeling bleeding, for her Master

the things i want to say are better left unsaid
the words i write today are those which have already been read*

O, thine whip which thou hath
Braided for me
Strikes the same chord
Upon my heart

Sting, O  whip of discontent
Whip of shame
Let me know the tormentous fury
Which art thou name

O, Queen of Morrow
Everlasting Morrow
Bend thine ear
As well as thine heart
To your troubled servant

O, Discordia thy will be done
Shall I pursue this path
Towards the clearing

This broken and shattered beam
Which started as your
Beautiful dream

Thine venom hath infected
Body and mind
Blinded was I in pursuit

Of the prize which shouldn't have been mine

The clam doth fritter my mind
So close that shell, tightly bind

Protect the flesh, soft body hidden
Predators, everyone forbidden

Rigid shell scalloped in unison
Form the bond to close within

The frilly layer undulating rhythm
Soft body concealed and hinged

So perfect beneath hardened chalk
Worming tongue
Gaping mouth
Wordless talk

Oh to rest inside your precious womb
Forever bask in your rosy gloom

Hold my body with your silken lip
Precision pulse throb through your grip

Mixing Love, Patience, Hope for the world
Depositing on your pink precious pearl

The indescribable spark in those eyes
That which you cannot disguise
To glimpse or breathe or gaze
Fleeting moments to sustain my days
Innocence defined by your rebel blue
Flicked lash knows what I would do
To have your all, all I would give
Blood Love Breath, to see you live
Gentle brow to graceful cheek
Supple lines that my hand doth seek
Mouth full, sweet nectar tips
Pouty passion pulls on my lips
Fingers find fresh flaxen hair
Sensually stroking silken air
Inhalation intoxication jasmine scent
Invokes memory of Montegue's lament
For that chap did eternally yearn
Yet ironic ending, love's lesson learned
To capture the heart yet never keep
Once lost, Love leaves you to weep
I knew one day you would come
Fluid love, fleshy feel, hugs from
Wanting more than I deserve
Of your flowing female curve
Irresistible smile scars my soul
Cupid's sting has taken it's toll

I sit here and anticipate the pain
As I reflect on this most recent
Revolution around the sun
Alone in a steamer trunk full of memories
Your seductive smile from across the room
Has hardened into a glare of disdain and
Contempt which freezes my heart with each icy glare
Your scent like jasmine flowers wafting on a  cool breeze
Filling my aura with joy has soured
Into putrid and stagnant pools of revulsion
Your laughter once the driving force behind my self-esteem
Has been silenced by disgust and horror
My wit no longer clever to your mind
My sarcasm no longer endorsed by your approval
These tattered remnants of hope drift
Between my fingers like a moth eaten quilt
Once my muse, my reason for creating, the inspiration for the god within
Has taken flight for another star
And left me with this ink stained scar

Entering a world composed of surreal images
My mind must twist itself into difficult yoga poses
Attempting comprehension of the madness
Black aprons meander in rhythmic gyrations
Under harsh soul stealing luminescence
Lubricated with coffee to perform
Menial machinations miserably
I am but a tourist
On their macabre island full
With nightmarish denizens
Of this local purgatory
The poet dreamt of no circle
As dreadfully inhabited as this sinister strata
Easily a septante of sins sordidly succumbed to by soulless citizens
Apathetic arrogance masquerading as hospitality
While decency and morality are assaulted
According to the overlords abusive schedule
I am struck mute with paralytic paranoia
As I hurriedly set my offering upon the altar
And search for exact change

I come back everyday for greater rewards
But all I ever receive is not equal to the effort
Not on par with the suffering demanded daily
I tap, poke, kick, and scratch in time
With the incessant metronome of desire
This hunger satiated never
Since the initial bite
A primordial bellow of the ego awakened
Bleating as a lamb starved for mother's milk
I shovel mammoth loads into this blistering furnace
Only to watch them drift into the vacumous vortex
Fighting as I do to escape the suction
That tries to pull me under and through
I become weary, sickly, and gaunt
A testimony on high delivered from on low
As I shake and rattle and speak in tongues
Thick spittle foaming from my epileptic lips
A full body excitation of orgiastic hope
That on the other side of this prayer
I will find that elusive reward

She dies so elegantly
Glorious gore
Sublimely spattered
Across my senses
Watching crimson syrup
Pool stickily on the floorboards
Putrid tang of copper
Wafting up as I inhale
From the core of my soul
The sudden realization that
Cold has a taste as
I gently lick her life
From my stainless blade
Her banshee death wail
Resonating in my skull
Like a struck gong
Titrating in decibel
Like a tuning fork
As her spirit slowly spirals
Down the drain toward her
Own mortifying vision of hell
Her heart and vitals strewn about
The flat like soiled laundry
Gives rise to a fire in my *****
As my chakras glow with the
Insatiable blood lust burning
In the furnace of my desire
I take a step
Give the sign and
Exit on the square

I dance
And when I dance
I dance
With her
I dance
Across the room
On the thin blade of a rapier
I dance
Her into walls and
Over splintered tables
I dance
Her into the shower where
She huddles fetally as she
Awaits the next act
I two step and waltz her
Down staircases
Tango with her
Through doorways
I dance
And when I dance
I dance
With her
Because she always
Allows me to lead

My morals are a patchwork
Stitched together from various other minds
A well worn quilt I wrap myself in for security
For blameless justification of a deformed belief system
Twisted and gnarled with an arthritis of the spirit
A hollow vessel made into a crock ***
Full of someone else's *******
Stirred by resentment
Stewed in fear and
Served with anger
To mask my ignorance and indifference
I have a reputation for trivialities
Snippets of soundbites
Subliminally soldered
Onto my sub-conscious
Where they acquire the character
Of authoritative wisdom
More pious than a prophet!
Holier than an ancient sage!
I am a 21st century shaman
A guru grifter
Embryonic episodes
Aborted for mass consumption
Over cocktails and hor dourves

Huddled in a cocoon of my own grime
Forlorn and wasted from my own trick
“She's hot,” she says from across the
Room filled with helium and gauze
You don't need words to make a statement
It's very difficult to be that *****
I suffer from delusions of
Illusions of grandeur
Pomp and circumstance
My theme song
I've graduated to this degree of decadence
Or is it dereliction?
I always get those two confused
Which is the one where
Ripple wine and crack *******
Are preferable to
Caviar and pink champagne?
No matter
I am equally distant from both
“Who does that,” she mutters
As she watches a
Woman in stilettos
Being urinated on by a
Hairy man on the *** channel
I sit with my ink pen and
Draw black eyes on the
Models in women's magazines
She turns to me
“Are you even listening?”
This pale, shelled out
Husk of a former woman asks
I'm listening
I retort within my own shackled mind
But if I pay attention
I just may **** us both

Black leather elf boots
Leggings
Cheetah print mini-skirt
Suede short coat
Too long in the sleeves
Someone's sweater with
A hole under the arm
One thumbprint sized bruise on my neck
Make-up frozen, clumped in the night air
Within my cone of oasis
From the halogen above
My breath mingles with the
Bile colored light
Smelling like Newports and tooth decay
I hug my self for warmth and
Shuffle foot to foot
Comforted only by the
Bulge in my boots
Representing the last few hours work
I clutch my purse tight
My toolbox
Not hammers or wrenches but
Tools of my trade
Baby wipes, sanitizer, tampons, and condoms
I hear a car slowing
Harsh redness of brake lights
Bloodies the vacant buildings
I lean toward the
Lowered window wondering
Will I continue to
Be the predator or
Fall tonight as prey

Born of fear, fueled by anger
This resentment I feel for you
Creates abscesses on my soul
Poison filled sacs of toxic hate which
Rise like bile in my gullet
To choke my spirit
Much like the dead alcoholic
Who's aspirated on
His own ***** and phlegm
A bloated purple carcass
Devoid of autonomy of spirit
Self-obsession robs me
Of conscious truth
Fear - that your indictments
Against me will be brought
Before the grand jury of
The universe and I will be found lacking
Resentment - at you for not becoming
A willing patron of
My brand of truth
Anger - at me for my own failings
Brought to light
Secrets I can no longer hide
While my defects are
Glaringly obvious to
One as enlightened as
You purport to be
Did not your path to
Spiritual perfection
Contain the blueprint to
Correct your vain sins of glory and
Indignant self-deception?
Is not your lofty status
Grand enough to look upon
My humiliated soul with
Something less than contempt?

I have nothing to say to you
You who killed me with
Kindness coated psychosis
Sublime smile subtly secreting
An insidious succubus
A devil draped in
The raiments of salvation
Holding my sins
In your personal vault
Grand schemes of subterfuge
Disguised to convince me
I was wholly beyond repair
And only whole under your care
Twisted morality and values
Repackaged as love and adoration
Sold at a discount, no warranty
Which I bought, no questions asked
Slick salesman snake tongue
Singing it's seductive sales pitch
Across my soul
Grasping, understanding, and manipulating
My penchant for shiny things
You had my credit at your disposal
So adamant were you that the defects
Lie within the buyer alone
Never once alluding to the
Damaged goods that
Lie within the lie

Thoughts like twisted metal
Decayed and rust pitted
Remnants from a forgotten world
Where gild was the norm
A world that has moved on
But not forgotten the sickness which
Lay beneath the veneer of normalcy
So, what is normal?
Worker Bee?
Family man?
Taxpayer?
Citizen?
Church goer?
The artifacts of that lost civilization
Tells us normal is chaos
Normal is war
Normal is stalking the hunted prey
Normal is vivisected torsos and
Entrails in my sand box
The monster is alive and gnashing
With ferocity against the
Dovetailed timbers of
His prison
No need to do push-ups for this one
He is insidious and ever lurking
Bowie knife at the ready
Slashing his own throat and
Strengthend from every self ******
He waits and dreams
Of devious schemes
In which I give him back the key

She sells herself to finance her suicide
Surrendering to the seductive siren sensation
One more hit of his pipe translates to
One more hit of her pipe
One more putrid ***** transforms to
One more skillful stick

She murders dignity to pursue decadence
Mumbling monotone mantras maniacally
One more trip around the block equates to
One more moral placed in hock
One more greasy smile amounts to
One more dance with denial

She absorbs abuse to save souls
Protecting proteges poised for perdition
One more lash of leather corresponds to
One more tickle of a feather
One more session of spanks brings
One more gesture of thanks

She stifles all semblance of normalcy
Wallowing wordlessly within her weathered world
One more pain converts to
One more gain commutes to
One more pain to one more pain

All the world is created
By two human beings who hate each other
Locked in eternal combat
Refereed by Karma
Wisdom and Reason subdued
As helpless spectators
Bound together and castrated
Flesh is formed
To be subsequently torn
Thrashing and gnashing
Of bone and sinew
Between the Grand Pillars
Of the Tabernacle
Charity, Compassion, and Beauty
Wail with grief all the while
Contempt, Scorn, and Wrath
Fatten themselves on the spoils of war
Weapons of assured destruction
Are unleashed upon the enemy
With spiteful fury
Weapons such as
Ego, Desire, Jealousy, and Pride
Are launched
With reckless abandon
Brother against Brother
Resulting in multiple
Catastrophic murders
Of Cardinal Virtues
The infinite ineptitude
Of each singularity
To gain the upper hand
Fuels the ire
And motivates each toward
Accelerated aggression
Escalating across Aeons
Of Primordial Chaos
Neither entity willing
To concede a truce
Ignorant of Forgiveness
And her Mother Love
Blinded to Truth
That if they ceased warring
There would be the realization
They are
One

She was in the knowing stage of being ****
Which, a century ago would be alluring
Making her mysterious and marveled, elusive
Taboo even
In this aweless, lawless digital wasteland
She was relegated to the position of commoner
A trillion, trillion pixels of poses
Not for posterity, no
More for posturing
More for positioning herself for
Instafication
Sordidly salivating as the counter clicked
Ever higher the number of persons
She didn't even like, pretending
To like her
And her
Hy-Pro
Framed low
Dreamy glow
Her self-esteem a public offering
Tethered to the hope of approval
From whomever happened to be
Wandering through the matrix
Worthiness rising and crashing
In a virtual tide of comments
Affirming her value
She cherished no secrets
Publishing her imbecilic itinerary
Instantly alerting the word
To her geographic location accompanied
With acronyms and emoticonceited hieroglyphs
Whose absurdity will baffle
Future generations of anthropologists
Should there be any living
Who will be interested in studying humanity
Once it's gone?
Who will find the fortitude
To glance away from the machine screen?
Will she be reluctant to escape her avatar
For something tangible?
The polished filtered flesh
She mistakes for her reality
Is an unending string
Of ones and zeroes
Fewer ones
An ever expanding mass of zeroes