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One more breath..
I promise..when I fully allow my lungs to inhale..ill listen for you.
One more exhale..upon the last release of pain from this chest..ill utter praise..
One last fragment of my heart dropping like glass on a stone surface..crumbling before you..hear my hearts plea..
Gripping the surface of the earth with all that's within me..prying at the crumbles of gravel below my knees..crawling..at the pace less than a snail...hear my heart...it wails..it sees the wholeness of all that you offer...
Scratching at hells door..knees bloodied..screaming at the top of my lungs..
Copyright © Natasha Ivory Evans 2015
 Oct 2015 Michael-Angelo
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Listen, it's a beautiful thing
when distilled to its essence;
reduced to its purest form.
A paradox and a paradigm;
a paragon of perfection.
Epic in its arythmetic
progression; poetic.
Like Chinese arithmetic,
so hard it hurts. Yet soft
and exquisite, like a bubble
of love caught in a beating heart.
That place where poetry starts.
Days like this come
Time after time
When my lighthearted gaze
fades to darkness
No life. No color. No flavor
Like a blank canvas
I've lost my way

Matters of the heart
Have me tightly bound.
To a cocoon prison
Around my heart
Inside my mind
I feel like I have no air.
I'm suffocating.
Just breathe.
I think I'm going to lose it.
I can't seem to keep
My feet on the ground.
I am so foolish
And I lost focus.
Leaving me feeling
Desperate and hopeless

I lack sleep.
I feel alone
I lust for those
Whom lie
Emotions
You swirl me
Subdue me
And shut me down.

I still ask,
Why doesn't somebody love me?
Is it I?

Father I cry
But the tears
Have run dry.
It's just an ache
In my chest
A bottomless pit
A low so low
I'm groveling
Palms up
Mercy me
Finish me
Hineni
You're the spoon
I'm the ***
You stir me up
I get real hot

You're motivating me
To go places
To do good
Be better
But I don't think you know
How much I want you
Very much so.

It's not about the way you move
More for the way you think
More for the dream
Even if it's just a dream

I hope for more
I hope for all the things
We spoke about
But mostly
I hope you don't forget me
I broke my vow.
In the eyes of my God
I failed.
I waited.
28 years.
For someone to come.
The one.
For my love.
I broke my vow.

Impulsive.
Oh my reckless heart.
I was lost in the lust of it all
A stranger.
Less than 48 hours.
Lessons you learn
Flashbacks that burn

Two days of bliss
A Forbidden wish
Bruised lips
Your scent left on my pillow.
The sound of your heartbeat
Your arms on my arms.
I never experienced this.
Watching you sleep
Regret sweeps deep within me.
Mine for a moment in time
You're not even aware.
I want you. Not you exactly.
I want this. But did I want this night?
And every moment that passed
I knew it wouldn't last
A stranger in my bed.
A fantasy you played
In my head.
I wanted it to be love
with the one I love.
But, This isn't real love.


Now tomorrow came
No take backs
Just a mess of my bed
And my head
But the mutter
The clutter of thoughts
They cleared.
I can breathe again
I can feel again
I am me again.

I already miss the feeling
The anticipation of your arrival
The stir in my stomach
The aroma of your perfume
It's haunting me.
Everywhere.
You were here.
The proof of your kiss on my lips
Of a body next to my body
A presence occupying
The lonely space
For so long
My heart was
Just a lonely place
What do you mean
When you said
You miss me?
Don't tease me.

Even you rejected me.
Left me neglected.
Tempted and emptied.
Is this what it feels like.
That's what I waited for?
Humanity
they can't all be
Just like me.

When I saw you last
I knew it would be
The last time
Selfishly I wanted to say
As I watched you walk away
Please don't go.
I don't want to be alone
Not because I wanted you
But because The loneliness
is leaving me spiraling

No longer the tightest bud
My petals strewn about
I left my mark
And you left yours too
Piece of me
For a piece of you

The stupid things we do
To learn
To find truth
Harsh as it may
I ask
Please don't judge me.
Lord above me, please forgive me.
Dust dancing in the air.
I ride in a car of ash.
Piano keys press in the background
But my ears can't hear the sound
My minds fogged up with other things.
Other things.
All the things I crave
All that I desire
To make me better
Or even make me smile
I'm still waiting
I'm still hoping.
Can I do this?
But maybe today I'll feel better.
Just say you'll be fine.
I’m just like a waterfall, and these tears are for you lately.
There aren’t any trains back to happy valley.
I missed the last one when the sun went down.
I waited for the next one to come around
But when the sight of the moon shown,
And the shivers formed from the cold
I put my hands together so tight,
And prayed to the dead of night.
That anybody was listening.
That the beat of my heart
Still lay beating, breathing...
I watched the train make
Its way toward me, closer and closer.
The sound of its whistling.
The bustling of the
Brakes screaming.
The lights so brightly blinding
It was now or never.
Be in the front or take cover.
It was my decision to make,
One I couldn't choose.
So I used my last cent on that one way trip.
To where, not anybody would care...
Just anywhere around the world,
Where I could be invisible
In a new city or street.
So with my glasses raised,
I bit my already chapped lip.
Took ahold of the rail...
One last look around before I go.
The knots formed in my throat
The corners of my eyes
Blurry by the betrayal of clear
Liquid drops forming.
I brush them away
From my already rosy red crisp cheeks.
Hand the gentle man my ticket...
Two steps up,
And down the narrow strip
To the marked row 33 seat C.
I sit and stare out the foggy window,
I form a heart shape by the pane.
The train starts to hustle
My heart fades.
I keep my eyes fixated on the one daisy
Laying smashed on the boardwalk.
Specs of black lay marking its petals
Left from the harsh weight of somebody’s shoe.
I quietly say my last goodbyes
As the train makes its way.
No one outside to wave
Or blow a single kiss.
No one to say my name.
Just the sound of the winds breath.
I watch the daisy as far as I can see.
Till it disappears.
The ache still lay there
Inside and outside.
I close my eyes, prepared to dream.
Wishing when I wake
Somebody will be waiting...
Readily holding out a hand for me
A smile forming
So happily as they reach for me.
My breathing slows
And the ride becomes steady.
It’s almost time to go
So I then hitch a ride in a faded yellow taxi cab
Till I start to see my stop up ahead,
To the house on top of the bright hills I say
A light blue house on the left
With the peach colored porch
You could hear the wind chime humming.
The rows and rows of white picket fences
The sweet pup chasing fallen leaves.
I step out onto the pebbled rocky road.
I wipe the strands of hair
From my face, and take a step forward.
Feeling the fluttering of nervousness
Forming beneath my arm
Which lay strewn upon my stomach.
As the screen door brushes open
I'm blinded by the light
Too bright to see clearly at first
So my hand takes its place above my eye like a salute...
The light dims and the shape starts to form
My heart racing at my sight
The exquisite beauty that lay before me
Her strawberry blondes blowing in the wind
Hand waving in the air
Smile forming as she sees me
Arms reaching out to hold me
The moment so surreal.
No dream could ever captivate.
I make my way towards her
A walk forming a run...
Stopping short to catch my breath.
I touch her face
The wrinkle by her eyes,
The dimples in her smile
The twinkling of her eyes.
The scent like I remembered.
Together we are again
Now reaching the steps to which had no end.
Just a constant bright light shining the way.
She squeezed my hands a little tighter
I no longer felt the sadness
Which haunted the open sore
Of my broken heart.
Nor the aches and pains
From weakened bones
Or my bruised up soul.
Just the butterflies
Which strengthened and stretched
Within my body.
Walking together hand in hand,
Not breaking our stare
She finally mouthed
Two simple words
"Welcome Home"...

Francesca M. D'Amico
December 19, 2011
Revised Sept, 24, 2015
Loss brings out the writer in me.
We first locked eyes in the computer lab
You didn't look away then, but I had to.
It happened once more a week later.
Same reaction.
Same pit of my stomach feeling.
Why do I blush so **** easy.
You give it away.
Think nothing of it I said.
Today while working in the coffee shop
I looked up and there you were.
Look away.
Don't make eye contact.
Body betrays me.
I look back.
He's staring at me.
We both don't look away this time.
What is this?
Interest?
Attraction?
Curiosity?
Lust maybe!
My eyes betray me because he appeals to them
But for now only in the physical sense.
One day there was a ring on his married finger.
Today there wasn't.
The naive part of me wonders if it's just a ring or is he married?
The rational part of me says
He's married!
Stay away.
This bad boy is not for you.
He's probably just stroking his ego anyway.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
Maybe it's just me staring.
He can't really be looking at me like that.
Right now I'm curious.
Right now I kinda like the tease.
Although deep down I know
this could be trouble.
Perhaps we go with wind and cloud and sun,
Into the free companionship of air;
Perhaps with sunsets when the day is done,
All's one to me -- I do not greatly care;
So long as there are brown hills -- and a tree
Like a mad prophet in a land of dearth --
And I can lie and hear eternally
The vast monotonous breathing of the earth.

I have known hours, slow and golden-glowing,
Lovely with laughter and suffused with light,
O Lord, in such a time appoint my going,
When the hands clench, and the cold face grows white,
And the spark dies within the feeble brain,
Spilling its star-dust back to dust again.
The back of the fire truck says "call to report arsonists."
The 800 number is at the tips of my fingers.
     But how can I report hands that sent flames licking up my thighs, kisses that left my lips scorched, smiles that ignited a roar deep in my stomach.
     How can I report you for setting my world ablaze, my heart on fire...
                                 And then leaving.
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