My sweet baby doll
Has been drinkin' far too much.

Gettin' lost in white sands

For some reason,

I think I'm genuinely happy .

But I still question myself and
Who I am, who I'm becoming ?

To question

Whether or not

They'd even miss me

Is potentially my

Lowest point in life .

Every day I think about offing myself
But what will that do .

I'll fade just as everyone else does
I come out and try and be seemingly
Normal..

but I can't .


Never was . Surely never am .

I always play around with it in my head

how should I do it .
Should I leave notes
Should I explain why
Should I do it painfully
or get right to the point ?

I'm full of sorrows .

Up to my neck .

I can't breathe it's suffocating me .

How this world full of opportunities
Can be so endlessly disappointing is
Beyond me.


It's disgusting to me that people would pay millions for more breaths, while here I sob and pray to be rid of this world.


I'm so ******* selfish .

The devil was inside me
Tonight, for the very first time.

I ached and cryed out for
him to let me be
I'm sure he loved every
Ounce of breaking skin
For him, still for the very first time.

Sorry father for I am weak,
Too weak to bare reality
So pains will do otherwise to soothe my wretched soul .

Sorry father for I have sinned,
My groins and arms in agony

But still I fake this half hearted grin,
**** this life I am living in . Ball my eyes and for what reason other than inebriation and unhappiness built within .

Coming from a boy whom
I've never seen a face from
you can't expect me to see you,
I would not recognize you in a crowd..

nor would I look for
you in a store..

but when I saw those
eyes I realized who you were .

The lack of intimacy
that's between us . .
Is torturous for the mind ,

I lay there ,
Feeling like I've
Been poked, and
prodded .

And as mentally unstable
Young lady, I'm bursting
At the seams . .
For even the smallest
Amount of your infectious
Attention .

his teeth were stained
putrid of the harsh life he endured .

so many reasons to smile
but he constantly holds back the truth .

I'm sorry it's strenuous and
tedious life, but a person can only
keep giving before their own smile
winds up half-hearted and empty

as well .

& you need comfort in the same sense I do .
I fought so hard .



but it's never turns up right .

We try so hard to wipe the filth from off of us .

from off our skin; we chafe away

but how can we, when it's always on our minds .

We all want it;

even with no emotions attached to you,

I still somehow managed to get destroyed .

I can't sit still and let it go to waste .

Wish I knew what went through your head
When everything was said and done .

When I go back to him,
It breaks more and more

I ******* myself just to prove a point .

Now I have to weep and wallow .

Knowing you're sleeping with someone else
Every night .

But you don't care to even see, what the pain is that burdens me .

I  should have let the dogs
Bite into your awaiting
flesh.
Strip you to nothing but bare bone
I could have let them rip you
To shreds,  
mere scraps of human nothingness
Your days were numbered.
But compassion filled my heart
And my eyes.
For some reason unknown to me
I let you walk.
Spared you of any extra pain, that you
Might have .

Neither of us, wanted to say goodbye.
Trying to be discrete.
All we do is sob and cry.
Tears roll down our swollen eyes.
Solid as concrete.
Our words isolate us from the streets.
My dear now is not the time.

Let it not be our last goodbye.

You left your heart in someone
who wasn't capable of loving you back .
Yet we all still play these ridiculous little games .

I'm going to stick my **** in this girl and see if she loves me.
but son The girl..

loves no one.
She's a ratted, and torn.
distraught and displaced
legs spread wide.
As big as the smile she has
on her face.

and darling girl..

the boy was broken .
broken right from the start .
He loves no one for the
first ***** was to blame
for his lost broken heart .

go ahead let's all **** each other dry .
Pulling the hate and the sadness
out of our souls .
emptying our hearts .
still we **** each other over .
and it's all a big game .
we play it over and over again
every single day .

i would like for you to break
the way i broke that night .

i want to see you
in pain .

I use to shine.
Knowing and acting are two very different things .
I can sit here, knowing the girl sitting next to me,
is better than I will ever be .
Sitting here asking myself why I'm not more like her .
is no life I'd like to lead .

I want to shine.
but eventually, all I can do
is take my seat, and let it take the best of me .
and just let

Her Shine,
like she ought a be .

How can I be caught in between two walls.

Both ways I turn, running into red, solid, cold, brick.

Unable to move.

How can I live with a man I love to hate.

Yet still don't want to leave .

How many years of your life can you
Keep questioning?

I'm drunk at a bar, and have no friends.
I have nothing. . .

But a few bucks in my pocket,
I'm tired. . .

I'm too afraid to try,
Way too tired to cry.

But  for some reason
I never want to leave .

It is flesh eating
Beneath my human corpse
With my every groan
I wander and infect
Filling my head with mindless
Soulless evil.

A war, lasting over a month.

On going battle, one that would have me stumped.

a traitor, a man, a son of much treason

that war that did last for-a foolish reason .

a battle, carried on and still yet unwon

what a place to be caught in, what had he done?

betrayal of a man whom chose to switch sides.

his tactics were nothing more than his lies.


What a waste of man, wounded soldiers and all.

he tore through the bricks, ending the brawl.

it could have been halted, the ****** battle unfair.

could've been halted if only he cared.

A different face wants me to know
Hollered from the showy snow
Sang the rain, with in her tears
Cried her eyes that showed her fears
Broken down and beaten blue
There's the treetops green for you
Sang the rain, we're much too near
Coming back it's crystal clear
The waters knee deep in his bed
We are drowning, in these sea of red.

Where were you when you said you would?
Where was I when I let you in?
Where were we when we said goodbye?

All in time..

Now I'm ready to cry.