I wonder if my father ever got my mother flowers,
if I'd seen a different kind of love
would I expect something different
expect more from people
feel like I deserved more
and not sell myself short
for any scraps I could get
hoping they'll finally fill me up

I know what you mean when you look at me
chuckle between kisses
when you say you really like me
I know what it means because
I feel it too.
undeniable, sure as the sun will rise
that I have never felt this way before
and I doubt I ever could again
if not for you

I look at the time
over and over
is it better or worse to know?
to give myself more time?
or am I just drawing out
the bitter, inevitable end

I don't need reassurance from you
you fill my cup when it's running low
just by your being you, you convince me
moment after moment, day after day
that it'll all be okay
the moment doubt creeps in,
you squash it every time
like everything's going to be alright
and that it always was, really.

I'm trying not to run the other way
even when it feels the same
when my cells scream "we told you so"
perhaps stupidly, it is different
maybe it's not good or bad, black or white
maybe it's just complicated
and we're trying
or maybe he'll prove me right again
that nothing is ever different

I wonder if it's just trauma
When you're not in front of me
I tend to forget how good you are
replacing you with lovers past, the worst ones
As if the you I know
could ever bear to hurt me

time to go (?)
I'm just not sure
maybe it'd be right (right?)
but it doesn't feel right
teetering between
being brave, being safe
or
knowing it's different, rare
and I'll never feel like this again
(?)