Entry ~
You were the first man that ever broke my heart. It was the day I was born. You held me in your arms and made me a promise that would rip us both apart. You promised to love me unconditionally from the start. But time passed and over the years those words faded from your heart. In the presence of a war when you had one foot out the door. There are vacancies in my memories where a father should have played a part. Like teaching me to drive a car, or telling me don't believe boys that say I love you from the start. Instead, I looked at every boy with tears in my eyes and willingly accepted every single lie, thinking maybe if I part my thighs they'll learn to love how broken I am inside, but they never do. Just like you they leave without a single clue and I'm left alone, used, wishing my daddy would have loved me too. And I'm not writing this to blame you, or break you, or tell you I hate you. I've made mistakes too. Ones deeply rooted in my relationship with you. And I get that maybe you didn't have a clue that your daughter was struggling in the world without you. But I relied on you to set the standard for boys I would let into my heart. By the time I was sixteen, I felt like a tortured piece of art. I learned to love myself of course. Over the years of ripping myself apart I learned to chart the darkness in my own heart. I don't blame you anymore for my broken parts. I'm healed from being angry at you. I'm writing this to tell you I'm sorry for failing you, and I'm sorry you failed me too.

The Gospel. Not an easy message to state or hear. Who wants to repent? Hardly anyone these days. Who wants to believe in a God who many believe irrelevant to modern life? Hmmm?

A God who preordained a Messiah who tells people they must DIE TO LIVE. Well. That's the message. Luke 14. Look it up. Jesus has attracted thousands of followers. He turns to them and says YOU must hate your mom, dad, sis, bro... everyone! YOU MUST DIE TO THIS WORLD TO LIVE!
They must pick up their cross and follow him. Thousands left. All who remained were twelve men. Jesus asked if THEY also wanted to go. They said, NO. You alone hold eternal life.

Folks, I LOVE YOU. So i am simply going to say this...

REPENT. BELIEVE. TRUST.

That's all God asks. He wants to reconcile you, A SINNER, to Himself. YOU ALL ARE NOT RIGHTEOUS. Only Jesus, who was born of a ******, NEVER SINNED IN HIS LIFE, preached the Good News of the Kingdom so boldly he infuriated a lot of self- righteous people, was brutally beaten, then crucified, DEAD. BURIED. ROSE AGAIN ON THE THIRD DAY TO A NEW LIFE. He CAN take your place as sinful flesh, so YOU can GAIN HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS. Only then can you be reconciled to a Righteous God.

I'm saying all this because

I LOVE YOU.

I just died today. Care to join me?

♡ Catherine

"True friends are like diamonds,
Precious but rare,
Fake friends are like dry fallen leaves,
And unfortunately they are found everywhere"

The prince of the power of the air
Doesn't even really seem to care
Lucifer was in heaven once
A shining light to his domain
The he let his pride get in the way
Was thrown out of heaven
Taking one third of the angels with him
Spreading there disease of evil & hate
Not a cause for faith only evil
Many today are being caught in the middle playing second fiddle
There eyes are being blinded by Satan
Eyes with tombstones in there head
It's the walking dead face full of lead
They come to ****, steal & destroy
This is their chief aim & ploy
They disguise themselves as angels of light
Blackened stench of caged fury in the night
There is no escape for them my friend
A miserable lot of sin with long viscous fangs
That bite dripping blood off side
They long to run away & hide
From the true light cause they love the darkness
Many follow after their plan
Instead of ever trusting in the master plan

Lost in a forest of dead and dying trees,
listening to words of death carried by the breeze.
When I will be home I cannot say for certain,
but I will not yet allow life to close the curtain.
Separated by the distance of half a broken world,
but I will never give up on the love of my Idaho girl.

The grass used to be green but now is yellow and sick,
the magic in the universe is running out of tricks.
But one more came my way and my heart wanted more,
and you responded by knocking gently on my door.
It doesn’t feel so far now as half a broken world,
I’ve seen the mind and beauty of my Idaho girl.