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I can smell him on my sheets
      I can taste him in my dreams
             I can still feel every inch where he's touched me
I hear his laughter echoing in the walls
             I can still see him in all these pictures I saved for
           memories

But this bed is bare
My dream's a nightmare
       I can't hear
             His laughter
       He's not near
             Enough to touch
My eyes are blinded by tears
He's killed my senses,  
      I'm no longer aware

Everything around me,  slowly fading away
His face, his scent, his laughter,  his touch
Maybe I'll just pop a few pills and sleep away the day
At least he's in my nightmares, the pain of reality is too much
He's gone...  He's in her arms now... I'm dying and crying and it's all just too much..
I dream about us

A ****** apartment close to the beach
Living with you
Falling asleep in your arms each night
And waking up with you each morning
Making breakfast together
watching movies after work
Road trips and exploration
You and I against the world
When life gets hard
Your kiss makes all well again
Knowing we don't have to do this alone
I'll care for you when you're sick
You'll do the same for me
Hot summer days
Cold winter nights
We'd be alone
But never lonely
Nothing to hold us back
I'll kiss you every chance i get
Like it's the last chance i have
I love you more than you could know

It's only a dream
Though dreams sometimes come true
And all of my dreams
Involve a life with you
i didn't know that a hero came with a gun pointed at my chest
and a knife pressed against my neck
i guess i didn't realize that he came swooping in
with venom on his lips that made you stop breathing
maybe once the wind stops howling around my ears
i'll be able to stop screaming your name at the top of my lungs
because you left me to the mercy of a storm that not even the news can forecast
and i don't know if it's worth fighting against anymore
all i can think of is what your face felt like cradled in my palms
or what your voice sounded like in my ears when i couldn't hear anything but waves
i think it sounded like drowning
it was so beautiful
and i've been told a million times that yes, things get better
but how are things getting better when the sky isn't as blue as it used to be
and the grass doesn't grow as fast as it previously did
where is the improvement when i would still prefer your fingers in my throat making me throw up
rather than someone else's lips making my worries go away
i still find myself turning over in my sleep and seeing you smiling before the sun hides and so do you
how can i get better when getting better means forgetting you
What if things were as they used to be?
The idea of never speaking again makes me feel sad.
Remember the late night talks until 2 in the morning?
The first conversation we had was about murderous cows
And how much you loved me for those moments.
The last one we had over the phone was about my father not taking pride in me
And I started crying, hoping you couldn't hear it through the vast space of emptiness in my voice.
But I think you did and I remember feeling ashamed
Because you didn't deserve to hear me sound that way when you had bigger problems.
It was moments like those that I wanted nothing more than to wake up in the early dawn of the mornings
With the pale sunlight washing over the bed sheets and your mussed hair.
It was in those moments that I wanted to go to parties with you and get drunk
And say things I would never say sober
Secrets about myself that I didn't think I had
It was moments like those that I forgot about my family issues
Or my own issues and your issues
It was moments like those that I loved you too much to physically feel.
I couldn't express the fullness I felt in the dead of night when it felt like we were the only two alive.
It was in moments like those that I started thinking about the possibility of not staying together forever
And it was those moments that I got out your proclamation of love that I had written down
I would stare at it and smile and giggle and think about what I did right to be with you
I wasn't sure if I was good enough to stay
 May 2014 Maytin Paige
Antonio
You lit me up
and took the first long drag
of my innocence.

I felt so alive!

I burned with orange
and red intensity
as you inhaled me
into the warm and
darkest depth of your chest.

As I swirled around
your beating heart,
I was one with you
in a vaporous peace.

Then the moment came
to evict me from your being.
The walls around your
pulsing heart suddenly
collapsed and expelled me
passed the puckered
wet lips that once
inspired my lust,
and I vanished
in the breeze.

All that remained of me
was a spent remnant of ashes
that you flicked into the wind
and extinguished me
forever.
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