Welcome to my haven
My prison
My heaven
My hell
Welcone to my life

The night is around me
Surrounds me
Encompasses me in its arms
It hides me
Guides me
Holds me close to its heart

The night so defiant
So infrangible
So thrilling
It holds my head up high
Supports me
Disciplines me
It's infatuated with this heart of mine

The night so dark outside
So atramentous
So incubating
It teaches me how to be
Alluring in my eye
Unquenchable in my desire
The night, so bright, is where I aspire

Your hands on my waist
So tight that your presence is left behind
Your lips to mine
So hungry, you leave them swollen and wanting more
Your body pressed against me
Leaving me trapped between you and the door
I want you to climb into my window after I've said my goodnights
Lay in my bed and hold me tight
Your hot breath lingering on my neck
While into the clouds, we ride
Our clothes strewn across the room
Because I know you'll have to leave all too soon
I need to feel your heart beating fast with mine
And hear your ragged breathing as we're lost in time
I want to remember the words we'll whisper into the night
With the gasps and scratches, never too light
And as our hearts begin to slow and our breathing calms
Wrapped in blankets, we'll intertwine our sweaty palms
Because I love all the things we say and do
That make me realize all I'll ever want is you

Choking on my breath
Drowning in the shockwaves of the difibulator pressed to my chest
At rest with no rest
My physical form of matter will sleep for eternity
While my spirit is trapped
Trapped choking on that last breath
Where I tried to say everything but nothing at all
"I'm sorry
I love you
Forgive me
Don't let me go"

I am now so still
My dark skin so ashy white
I can hear your heart breaking
And see the silent river flowing from your eyes
But I thank you for this experience
For showing me how it feels to be loved and be in love
For the time I ran when you broke me down
How you searched every corner of our little towne
Your love is one I'll never forget
Your smile one I will never lose
So, as I'm taken from your arms
I pray you will know
I can always find you
Because you've taught me where broken hearts go

I was always told to hold onto hope if nothing else
So, I hoped I would make it to hollywood
But I never got my callback
And I lost a little hope
I hoped to meet my idols
But I turned out to be another face in the crowd
And so, I lost a little hope
I hoped someone would stop and see behind my mask
But everyone kept walking
And I lost a little hope
Now, I just hope to make it through a day
But everything keeps falling apart
*And I realize I've lost hope

The mirror shows me a face
But my mind questions it

Who are you?

She wears my hair
Has my sinking, glazed over eyes
My cracked lips
But this isn't me

I have words I want to say
Tears I want to cry
A smile I haven't seen since she came along

Trapped inside my own shell
I live a synthetic life
Always under the surface
But never strong enough to break through

So, inside I will remain
Trying to decipher this struggle
While she writes my story
Hides my tears
And lives her lies

Curtis,
I'm tired of being tired because I miss you.
And laughing without you by my side
Seven months has gone like seven years
And, when you get home, you'll see my struggles
Because these wrinkles are the trails of my tears
Etched forever in my cracking skin

You start off happy
Giddy
Fun
Then, you're silly
Laughing
Dumb
Next, your brain starts to fly
Rattles
Numbs
You want to go higher?
Sure, why not
It can't hurt to have some fun
One pill, three pills, five pills, nine
Now, you've lost control of your mind
You don't make descisions
Just go with the flow
Jump from person to person
Everyone's wasted; it's not like he'll know
But, pictures are taken
Posts are blowning up
Yet, this feeling is intoxicating
You can't get enough
Before you realize
A week has passed
Your running on empty
And skipped every class
Everyone is worried
But, you've lost the right way
Now, you're addicted to the feeling
Because you wanted to be free for just a day

The candle flickering out in the dark room
It's like falling down into an abyss
Flailing as you reach for the rope you cannot grasp
Trying to call out to the voices you hear weeping for you
Yet, your screams are silent.
Whilst my cries are loud
My tears cannot fall from these hollow eyes
Because death has grasped your hand
And has chosen to hold it tight
I cannot find the strength to carry on without you
Please do not leave
Now, my world is slowly crumbling
The last of this heart is ash
Yet, death doesn't care for my pitiful pain
As long as your beautiful soul is claimed

In this world.
In my brain.
To the rules of this game.
I'm lost as to why I'm lost because I've been shown the way.
This road is in front of me.
Clear as a crystal.
A crystal that's been coloured, cracked, and thrown away.
But, a crystal all the same.
So, why do I want to take that left turn and not go straight?
Travel through tunnels and under bridges, rather than along the empty fields where I can see?
Because, being lost outside, started with being lost in me.
I'm a puzzle.
A ten thousand count puzzle.
Overwhelming and intimidating.
Exotic and different.
A challenge.
I create a plan to find my way.
A plan to not lose myself in all the pieces.
Finish the outer layer.
Work on the next.
Look! I'm lost again.
I work until my body is tired.
My eyes rimmed red.
Until I look like the walking dead.
I'll make my way home, only to be met with turns again.
Let me take a moment to find a way in this brain.
And when I think I've finally found my way,
I'll sleep and wake.
Only to be lost again, the very next day.

An action. Never-ending.  
It's the way I love because I love the wrong way.
I lust for items, I lust for touch.
Most of all, I lust for us to be chest to chest.
With ragged breathing, sweaty palms.
Wet lips and all thought gone.
No gentle whispers.
No soft clutch.
To be held tight. To be kissed rough.
I do not lust for hand holding or that over used, three worded phrase.
The only three words I lust for are 'I want you'.
The only whisper be our skin brushing together.
Nails raking down your back.
A sigh of ecstasy at a long-awaited ******.
And when my body hungers for more,
Lust will call you back to my door.

Love is such an over-rated, over-used word.
But, somehow, I'm in love with you.
With your eyes so seafoam green and your hair so sandy brown.
Your lips so plump and pink; your concentrated frown.
How you love my fingers through your hair and my nails down your back.
It's okay, I love it too, and I'll never take it back.
I love the way you tower over me and carry me when I'm in pain.
Text me good morning, text me good night, and never take me in vain.
How your smile is my smile and your tears fall with mine.
It's just too bad that loving you has turned out to be a crime.
A crime of passion, a crime of lust.
All coated over with a layer of rust.
Because no relationship ever works in me.
So I guess I can only love you casually.

Sprawled across the maroon waters
Your hair tumbles like the sea foam green waves on the shore
Your chest rises slightly as my head lies on your heart
Boom! Boom! Boom!  It flutters like the wings of a hummingbird that joyfully zooms to and fro
What of the small smile on your face?
So bright yet timid that the buds of a spring flower envy you
My arms encircle your slight frame
They slide into place like a puzzle piece
A sign from the courts you are truly for me

Splash! A tear falls into the puddle of others that have fallen
I can feel your heart beat, so broken
Do you feel the beat of mine that broke for you?
I know you don’t hear it
Sense it
Feel it
I stand with you in the storm
It reflects the pain inside of me as you cry over another
Always second in your life, but always here
The pain will fade
Another will come
You’ll smile and tell me you’re in love
I’ll return your smile while inside I cry until you break again and I blow up
But, here I stay
For, I cannot find the strength to run away

Here we lay
Limbs entangled like that of a tree
Our fingers laced tighter than my DC’s
Your pink lips the envy of a newly opened rose hover gracefully over mine
Your eyes that are bright as a star lead to your soul
Did you know they turn from green to grey in the winter?
You may not like it, but they are gorgeous
Two lonely weeks from the anniversary of the day we met
Here we stay in each other’s arms
After a long, dark-filled wait
All it took was a simple phrase
A smile spreads across my face
And we seal our dreams with a soft kiss as our hands lace

Jump or drown
My blood-curdling screams echo in the quiet breeze
That blows over cotton fields and through peach trees
Frozen in in a lake of despair
Why am I here? Why am I here?
To jump or drown the water sneers

Filled with hollowness
Full of emptiness
The peak of my sin is you
I cannot hide from my feelings so true
That sink me in a muddy brew
With the creatures of darkness that on my skin they chew
And I look into their eyes that whisper jump or drown, it’s up to you

Frosted forever. Do you care?
Frozen in the southern air
On a lake in the boat we both share
That tumbles and rolls on the still waters, so fair.
While the wind whips through my fiery hair
You fall gracefully to the waters as, in my eyes you stare
The water fills your lungs and you struggle for air
Jump or drown you scream in your stare
I choose to drown and be with you down there

A body now hollowed
Parties in the dark
Pills are swallowed
A quickened heart
Dilated pupils
Crank sweat
*** smoke
Two bodies on the bed
Cigarettes litter the ashtray
Bottles litter the room
Hiding for days
From me or from you?
Everyone has left
Broken their promises to stay
Now, my body is broken
And my insides gone astray
There's nothing left to do
In this world of hate
So, I'll swallow these pills
And drink the pain away

Bone, muscle, and tendon
Then love, hate, and redemption
An emotional roller coaster
A broken bridge
A few memories we have all hid
A lost word
A forgotten phrase
Time we have lost
And lessons we have gained
A secret, a story
A little bit of gory
But, most importantly
What no one can see
Under my skin
Deep in my heart
That is where you will find the real me

Will you hold my hand as I cry out your name
Or walk away with your head held in shame
I found your love to be my drug
That kills my body as it shoots through my veins
Through my veins to my heart
From my heart to my brain
Until I am completely yours; consumed by your game
Swallowed up by your words
Memorized by your touch
God, I could never get enough
But, now that your love has withered me
And I am just a dried up husk
You've taken to the world alone
And left me in your dust

One.
The blade across my scarred skin
Dull and rusted
It a long ago friend I fear to see
But everyone keeps tempting me
The glances, the words, the whispered phrases
They play through my ears like broken music none can bear
But bear it, I must
For I fear the blade with its ****** rust

Two.
Athazagoraphobia
Drowning in a room of people
Alone and forgotten
I struggle for air as I sit alone
Wondering what I have done to be cast out on my own
Like a boulder, the depression weighs on on me
Why can't you see!?
I fear, my dear, you have forgotten me

Three.
A white face and a black cloak
A skeletal hand around my throat
A laugh that chills my weary being
And endless pits that stare at me
Your hands are acid as you carry me to Hell
While no one can hear my stangled yell
Not a thing, but a person, alas
I fear, yet crave, Death's burning grasp

Four.
The ****** hands taunt me
And her hollow gaze holds me
This undead girl is Hell itself
Placed her to torture me
Not a day goes by without her presence
Nor a thought through my head without her acceptance
She controls everything I see
Cuts me and laughs as I bleed
Yet, no one understands when I plead and plead
For, you see, my greatest fear is me

The walls
The white walls
The white walls that wall me in and never let me leave
Closer. Tighter. Smaller.
The walls grow close around me until the only thing inside is....me
No air.
No words.
I cannot breathe
I should not, could not, will not leave
These white walls are a part of me
A part so distant, yet so near
A part that counts my falling tears
Oh, white walls, white walls
The product of my greatest fear

One slice, two slice, three slice, four
Five slice, six slice, seven slice, more
You can follow the trail as I walk out of your door
To the world of hate, where we all want more
Where the ones you love become the ones you hate
And the ones you hate just want to discriminate
Each drop of blood, every single tear
These groans in my throat, all born from fear
If you can't take me as I want to be
Then, one slice, two slice, two slice, three

Dancing the dance of the dead
The  [un]dead scream for my hand to pull them out, to pull me in
I never know the difference
Your name is on my lips: pale and hushed
I hunger for your kiss: long and rushed
The whisper of the loud world plays in me ears; through my ears, behind my eyes
Behind my dull, brown eyes
My dull eyes you seem to love that are bright to my ashen skin
I look to the mirror
The cracked mirror that mirrors my cracked heart
This girl I see, this beast, is no longer human
I am the [un]dead, dead again
In a broken body held together by your arms
So strong.
Yet, no one can mend the cracks

I feel my heart slowly crumbling
Does it still beat or does that fail too?
Has the warmth it once held finally turned as cold as my being?
Has it finally given up on my like everything elsein life?
Down, I feel my mind tumbling
Words fall upon my ears as it breaks
"You never meant anything to me"
"You have always just been a pawn in my game"
The world is falling in on me
I wonder
Should I stay?
Or should i go?
The answer, nobody seems to know
I feel the bruises you  left on my soul
Did you know you caused the scars across my wrist?
The bruises spread out over my swollen fist?
Of course you do, and you are so proud.
Now the pills I will swollow down
Before I go, I'll sit here and write
Desperately, my tears I will hide
Clawing at the surface, while inside I die
And slowly fall asleep as my eyes try not to cry

The pen is crusted
Dry and rusted
The ink is red
It grows brighter as I use it again and again
Each layer a story with a saddened end
No one understands why the pen is my friend

The paper is brown
Torn and frowned
Covered in rough-edged lines
The pen on paper is the only way to pass the time
With each line, a tear stream down my face
No one understands why I craze the way it makes my heart race

The paper is too stained and the pen too dry
My friends see my face and wonder why I have cried
Then I pull out the paper from behind my sleeve
And their gasp echo through the trees
They pity in their eyes let's me know I'll write again
Now, do you understand? My skin and the blade are the paper and the pen

Sitting on the window pane
You look out at the autumn skies
Remembering the events of a month pass
It all plays across your eyes

The loss of the friend you thought you knew
Your family falling to ruins
The pain of falling victim to abuse
You wish none of it was true

Then, the sky is dark
Lightning flashes
Thunder rumbles
And all your electricity crashes

A tornado swirls close to your home
Dust flies through the trees
The ones you know run for their lives
But you open your arms, ready to be free

You open your eyes
The tears begin
You let out a saddened sigh
No, not this time, for it was the storm in your eyes again

The sun is bright
But the sky is dark
The birds are chirping
Yet I don't hear a single lark
You stand beside me
Yet you're so far away
Your lips form words
Yet I can't hear what you say
I reach out my hand
Your touch I crave
Yet I only hit glass
No matter what I do, it won't break
Now the tears stream
A river falls from our eyes
My reality has been broken
Now I know you never, truly, silenced my cries
After all these years
Of living a lie
My life is shattered
And I finally realize
In my dreams, I was with you
But, in reality, I have died

A voice echos through the trees
It makes me feel weak in the knees
All the hate is clear in my mind
When I'm alone I can finally cry
"I hate you! You worthless! You just waste the air!"
I can't believe I thought you cared
As I curl up under the night sky
I hold the blade to my wrist and let out one more saddened sigh
First pressure, then pain, then ecstasy
I know this is the only way to finally be free
As the darkness closes in, I see their faces
The ones that had held me together through the ages
Their voices echo through my mind
"I, I want to to save you. Want to save your heart tonight"
I know you tried, but you can't always be right
Thank you for everything, but no one can save me tonight

Dreams are like the reality of your imagination
Your mind's one of a kind creation
They give you light when your in the dark
They sing to you the songs of a lark
Yet, what if oneday your dreams could become true
A fantasy you could actually live through
It could be of love, friendship, or your goal in life
Maybe you want to become a star over night
Well, there was a reason that dreams are sent
Never let anyone tell you different
You can be anything you want to be
Because no one can take away the dreams of a teen

I walk around on a dark night
I feel your presence with no fright
You intend to take
I intend to give
My blood is crazy for your love again

Your intense gave fell upon me
The moonlight framing me perfectly
My hair cascading down my back
Over a dress; blood red and midnight black
My golden eyes sparkle at the sight of you
Only your smile could ever break through

We run to each other
Your embrace is so tight
Your stride, so graceful
Your touch, so light
It feels that forever we did stand
Until the sun kissed the land

You held me close through the morning light
But as morning approached, I realized
Something happened that dark night
Death, my love, left me to die
Now the streets are filled with my howling cries

The tears are flowing from my eyes
I wonder if you hear my cries
Such a long time has gone by
Yet I recall the day perfectly in my mind
Your body was cold as you whispered good-bye
Yet, your deathly appearance made me hide
Finally, I got the courage to speak on that dark date
But, when I grabbed your hand, I was far too late
Your hands had grown cold
Your glow no longer gold
Your eyes, so vibrant in the life I never thought you'd lose
Had finally went dull, they had been dying since noon
I screamed to the heavens, head in my hands
My knees buckled, the inability to stand
Forever I will hate my darkened heart
All because its fear refused to let me say good bye at the start

All I did was treat you right
I made you the number one thing in my life
Even when we broke it off
I let you act like you were the boss
Yet on the last day that we have together
You act like you are so much better
Even when I joke
You treat me crap
You know what you deserve?
I nice and powerful slap

When I broke down and cried
You gave me your shoulder and wiped the tears from eyes
Then, not even 10 minutes late
You talk about me, right to my face?
Yet, you do not understand why I am glaring at you
And feeling things oh so cruel

So listen up and listen good
I am leaving you in the dust like I know I should
If you are going to try to break me like a toy
I'll just laugh with joy
I refuse to be controlled by any person, especially so rude
I hope you enjoy your summer because, Logan, I'm done with you

The DARK ROOM
                                                                                         So QUIET
                                              The LIGHT in the window
             So ENTRANCING
                                           The flutter of WINGS
                                             So RHYTHMIC
                                                                                                        A SCRATCH at THE WINDOW
                                                                                WHO is there?
                                         RED EYES bore into me
My SOUL is ON FIRE!
                                       Rapid HEARTBEATS
                                                                               FEAR in my eye
                                                                                                                   SCREAMS building in my throat
                                                                            Mouth OPEN WIDE
                                           The GLASS SHATTER
MOTIONin the corner of my eye
                                                      It happened SO FAST
                                                                                          The scream NEVER ESCAPED
                                                   My HEART CONSTRICTS
                       A PAIN in my chest
                                                     WETNESS pours from it
                                                                                              I see MY HEART
                                                                                                                          NOT POSSIBLE
                                                                                                  YOU laughed
                                                  COLDNESS overcomes me
               A HAND reaches out
                                                                                 DARKNESS

A baby face
Gorgeous eyes
Dark brown hair
And a glasses kind of guy
Your slender frame
Your welcoming smile
Your cute little laugh
Your awesome style
When we first met
I only saw you as a friend
But now I am wondering
Are you a new chapter, before my story ends?

They gave me a choice
I could live and breathe
But only on their terms
Or I lived on my knees
And I got to live for a moment
Loved but never free
Until a frightful day
When they were the cause of my screams
And the Gods sent you to me

You lifted me up
You filled me in
You took my hand
And let our lives begin
You gave me hope
You sent me peace
You helped me stand
To live a life off my knees
You brought me home

And so we ran
As far as we could go
We were in our own world
And no one had to know
We were happy and so free
Shielding me from the harm
Kisses so sweetly
And when you wrapped me in your arms
You whispered tenderly

You lifted me up
You filled me in
You took my hand
And let our lives begin
You gave me hope
You sent me peace
You helped me stand
To live a life off my knees
You brought me home

Here we stand
In a loving embrace
I know I am home
When you caress my face
Your arms are as strong
As an angels' wings
Feels so right it should be wrong
And it makes me want to sing
About what you have done for me
You brought me home and now I am free

Your eyes an ocean i could forever swim
Their stare so hypnotizing i always give in
A laugh so beautiful it makes me cry
It sings the song of how you lighten my sky
That very first dance made me shine like a light
It made me feel like we were in our own night
I see you for who you are
Because your true beauty shines like a star
For the rest of days you'll stay in my heart
Where no one can ever rip it apart

You said you loved me that was a lie
So while your lips meet hers i'll go cry
A pain so huge it seeps from my pores
And forces me to hide behind closed doors
All this for you now look what i've become
A cold lonely girl meant for no one
I guess now i finally see
What happens when you love someone irrevocably

Your promises are worthless
Your love is a lie
So as I hang with the guys
I hope you sit and cry
You said I give you meaning
That ur fake without me
So drink the bottle your momma gave you
Cause baby you only ever needed me
I hope you enjoy being single
Because I enjoy it a lot
And since there's no more you and me
I can stake my claims with a special dot
You think I'm gunna cry all day
Think of you all night
Well baby you got another thing comin
Cause your life without me will be a fight

I came home, collapsed on the floor, and let it all pour out.
Every heartache and headache
Every bad dream and scream
Every punch, every slap
Every time I said "I want you back"
I cry and cry for happiness and joy
For my brother's new baby boy
Then, your voice sounds in my mind
"Never cry for me, My Dear
As long as you love me, I'll always be near."