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A warm embrace from city grates
combats the colder breeze
How then should I continue?

A further stroll might treasure hold
But of this, none assures me.
Then why should I continue?

I might have stayed and soothed my pain
My legs had faltered for the thought
Why then should I not stop?

In short, I kept on in my walk,
But often now I think of how
I could be different now
If only I had stopped.
Tis a dead end
I was taken aback
The atmosphere still and mute
I am glowing, afloat by foot.
I paced forward
Backwards and all around
Hopeless to see a glint of light
All  I see is pitch black
I am in eternal darkness.
I was released from the chains
Of lies and depression
Sadness, sorrow and rejection
To see one's  soul
You must look from with in
The transparent truth
I am falling into an abyss
The sight of reality and justice
Of hideous monsters lurking in masks
All I can do is watch as the spells were casted
If only you can see what I can see
You are mourning for a stone cold body
Dressed white and weeping for thee
The only thought came to mind:
Are those real tears for me?
My gentle touch in thin air
You'll never know I was there.
Thank you for coming
But I still know you don't care
Dressed white  linen and satin silk
To cover up the scars
The reminder of anguish
That moment when I breathed my last
Alas!  The relief, I was finished.
I lay there stiffly
With flowers all around
The scent of melachonly hovers
Its blending with the fake people around
Surpass the pain, the breaking
Let go of all this misery
So this  is what it feels like
To actually, finally be free
I am a wandering soul
Still exploring the unknown
My journey has yet been half through
I m the boss of my own cue
I am dead yet never felt so alive
With the gust of the wind
I was swooned away
Petals of a wilted flower
I am awake yet in deep slumber
My story in this life will fade
My footprints will be covered in dust
My name  will soon be forgotten
In the coffin they sealed me in
They will bury
All  I hope, in loving memory
I sit in a flimsy plastic chair that squeaks at the slightest movement,
Ana stands because it burns more calories and says I should do the same
My arms are folded over my chest, slouching and brooding
The bracelet Ana bought me sounds like shackles when I move
The wedding band on my finger weights more than I do
"Why are you here today?" Our therapist asks
"She's been cheating on me with that **** Mia!" Ana yells
"I already told you it didn't mean anything. We were broken up then."
My explanation makes her angrier though and she snaps,
"You just can't handle commitment!"
I've heard her use this voice multiple times and a list of all the insult circumnavigates my brain
Stupid
Ugly
Worthless
Never good enough
Unlovable
Pathetic
Fat
Fat
FAT

"You call this uncommitted?" I point to my stomach which growls on cue
Our therapist asks how long we've been together
I say over 2 years
Ana says we've been together my whole life
I tell him she's abusive
"It doesn't look like she's done that much damage" He notes
When the hours up Ana walks to the door
I tell her I just need a minute
I turn to our therapist who's already packing up
"Please help me. I need to get our of this relationship now!"
He ***** his head up as if it's the simplest answer in the world,
"Then why don't you just eat?"
Ana= Anorexia
Mia= Mia
My bulimia's gone and has turned back into my old friend Ana hence this poem.
Warning! Contains death, gore, and blood! You have been warned!*

A is for Adam who was stabbed by a nail,
B is for Brian who drank too much ale,
C is for Chloe who got kicked by a mule,
D is for Danny who was trampled by a bull,
E is for Eric who swallowed a bee,
F is for Finley who drowned in the sea,
G is for Gordon who fell from a cliff,
H is for Holly who said she'd be back in a jiff,
I is for Ivanna who sunk in the mud,
J is for Jeff who fell with a thud,
K is for Karl who was smushed by a train,
L is for Lucy who was beat by a cane,
M is for Mike who was flattened by a log,
N is for Nate who got lost in the fog,
O is for Oliver who was crushed by snow,
P is for Patrick who was killed by his foe,
Q is for Quincy who slit his own throat,
R is for Rocco who was rammed by a goat,
S is for Sam who was attacked by bears,
T is for Tammy who had too many scares,
U is for Una who got shot in the head,
V is for Victoria who severely bled,
W is for Will who died in his sleep,
X is for Xavier who's heart wouldn't beep,
Y is for Yaz who starved herself,
Z is for Zach who broke through an ice shelf.
Made it up with my family!
I spoke and my words along with me started to fade away
Nothing more or less than a gentle sea breeze
Never to be seen but always to be heard
We can feel each other but you'll never find me
Your heart could pretend to love me
I know you're cold
I smell nice and your skin so soft
Getting off track but that's what eternity does to you
My mind hasn't gone it's just occupied by the changes in the ocean
Of your emotion and impossible to read chicken scratch personality
I've lost it all but go with the flow so you know even though
I'm not around all the time I still feel the want to touch
Your life don't forget me I love you very much
Inhale the courage to exhale my name
and one day I might breeze passed you again
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