Faith

As a child, faith is the only thing you’ll ever have.  You’ll have faith in your parents to protect you and love you.  Faith in your friends to make you smile.  And you might even have faith in God.  But when you become a teenager your faith will leave you. The faith you have in your parents will disappear the first time they say they hate you for a mistake you made.  The faith you have in your friends will disappear when they leave you for their boyfriend.  And the faith you have in God will disappear when he lets her die.  But you’ll still have faith in yourself.  You’ll have faith to know when you’ve done too much or you’ve done too little. You’ll have faith to know if you’re ok or not.  And you will have faith to love. To love your parents even though they’ve made mistakes.  To love your friends even though they might be gone. And if you want love god because why not.  And have faith to love yourself. Because the faith you have in yourself will never be diminished. Whether its a flicker of a candle in the back of your mind or a raging forest fire in your eyes. It is there. You will never loose it.

Thank you for bringing me into this  world.
Thank you for putting up with me
I know I’m hard to handle, with my episodes
My episodes when I’m too sad to get out of bed
Or when I won’t sleep for days because there's too much to do
Or my episodes when I won’t speak to you at all
Or when I'll talk to you for hours at a time
I know I’m such a pain
Yet you still love me
Thank you for everything
Thank you for being my mother
I love you

We sit behind screens.
Of phones.
Of computers.
We say our goodnights.
listening through headphones.
Speakers on our phone.
We message non stop.
I can't wait to see you.
I can't wait to hold you.
We dream of being together.
One day that day will come.
Right now, we sit here behind computer screens.
You staring into my eyes as I write this poem.
*I love you

My demons don't like
the food that I eat.
They taunt me, sending me
running to the bathroom in defeat.

You are not worthy, they say
as I bow at their request.
That food was no good.
now the toilet bowl is my only rest.

My heart breaks, slowly
and pained tears begin to fall.
I have nothing left to give, I say,
I've already given you my all.

I stand and try without success
to wipe my steady tears away.
Looking in the mirror at my swollen eyes
I remind myself tomorrow is a new day.

In my lifetime there have been lots of things I tell you and no one else
Hey, I think I’m bisexual.
Hey, I'm in love with the man that's in love with you.
Hey, I want to **** myself and I just need to be near you.
Hey, let's move in together when we go to college.
But there's one thing I'll never be able you tell you.
Goodbye

I am an explorer
I explore mountain tops
and rolling valleys
I explore the world from top to bottom
I am an explorer
I explore mountain tops
that are rough
and jagged
and some higher than others
but still beautiful
I explore valleys
that are deep
and dangerous
and not quite straight
but still beautiful
I am an explorer
I find comfort in these places
These beautiful places
When I tell people I’m an explorer
they ask me where I go
I tell them beautiful, wonderful places
Yet I know that they won’t find the same beauty that I do
I know they will never understand the wonder I see
I know they will never understand the comfort I feel
when I touch the dirt of these places
So when I tell you that I’m an explorer
I mean it.
I don’t explore seas
or deserts
or far off lands
The world I explore is that of my body
I explore the mountains and valleys that I have carved into my thighs with razor blades
Yet they’re just as beautiful as the ones outside.