They once called me crazy
I've since been deemed sane

Is it insanity
When I call out your name

In the middle of the night
Alone in my bed

My heart it bleeds sorrow
I can't hear your name

It drives me to madness
I'm going insane

I can't call you up
I can't knock on your door

Each time I think of you
I'm wanting you more

I wake in the darkness
A terrible fright

I don't feel any warmth now
I can't see the light

I try to forgive you
I try to let go

I still think about you
I thought you should know

I stand up
Leave a rose on your stone

Say my goodbyes
And walk myself home

I lie in my bed
Staring and thinking

Tick tock of the clock
Days thoughts still lingering

I want to slow
My swirling mind

I think if I don't
I'll leave something behind

How can I turn off
These perpetual thoughts

I need a remote
To just hit pause

Such simplicity,
Yet still she says, “Analyze!”  
Forsooth! Lose the heart?

these days i know of only one person who can...

diminish my
accomplishments
cutting me to the heart
with caustic compliments

who can stop me in my tracks with the insular bitterness that belches forth

who can cause me to revert to that young teenage girl with a backpack of bundled insecurities carried close to her heart

who can make the smallest joy a guilt-ridden pleasure

who can make my home with it's welcoming clutter feel like a battlefield after a hurricane

who can make my happiness appear to be a fleeting flash in the pan

who can dispute my intelligence as smoke and mirrors

who can **** the bright from my day & the joy from my life
blithely oblivious to it all

and the dumb thing in all of this is...........

i invited her to stay in my home while we build a granny flat for her in our back yard.

*** and love
are not synonyms
I didn't fall in love with you
because you touched me
I fell in love with you
because you made flowers grow
inside of me
when no one else could

h.a

If my mother read my poems
She would think I was in love.
I'd have to explain to her
"How could I be in love with anyone if I can't even love myself?"
If even the thought of love makes me sick
To the point I feel like going days without eating
Humanity has a notion of love
It's all consuming
             all powering
      all people want
But if I can't care for myself
How is it right that others expect me to care for them?
My mother, if I were to line my body
With my favorite quotes and phrases and lyrics,
Would think I was in love
But aren't love and hate closely alined?
Coiling around your body and gripping you till you don't know yourself
From your obsession
If my mother read my poems
She'd think I was in love
So deep in love that I've lost myself
So deep in love that I've found myself
So deep in love that I never had a self to begin with
If you see my mother read my poems.

*You'll see her cry

I can be a sadist
I can be a ****
I enjoy a bit of pain
I'm often filled with lust

I want to be the Top
and to be topped too
I'd love to tie you up
or to be tied by you

Push the right button
and I'll be your subby
or grant to me control
I may lock you in the cubby

Stick me full of needles
or I'll put some in you
zap me with electricity
I may pass the current through

Whip me, flog me, spank me
I too can you impact
I'm happy to do whatever
and that's a ***** fact

I can be anything for anyone
pretty much more or less
it all depends on circumstance
and on what you confess

So let's stop prevaricating
and get on with the fun
let me know where and when
and which way round you run

Cynthia Pauline Jones 25/10/13