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Maahv Z Dec 2016
Gabriel asked the Prophet
'read', prophet who God crowned with a prophethood
of being last
replied 'I cannot read'
Prophet wrapped himself with a warm blanket
Khadija the prophet's true love said
You are God's chosen one
since you are all sincere, honest
and never do wrong to His people.

this, what is wrong with today's people
never seeking to learn
or read
knowing they know everything.
so they can **** anyone
in the name of God
they **** innocent people
and yet, the response is
'we **** infidel's
who are the infidels?
You and i are not God
It is for the God to decide
who's the most kind of all

The Sunni Muslims have a story to tell they're better than shia Muslims
and shia' have defensive tale to say, 'they are less honored one'
it's all politicized matters
not the religion
the crusades of islam is not about religion
but the gaining of power
who's going to lead after the Prophet's  death?

even the prophet himself narrated 'he's mere human being
who God blessed with might

God says, love thee people
as I love you the best
I'm closest to you, even more closer to your own heartbeat
no other will love you, as i how love you

I felt the longingness
this hunger, and the strike to do well in life
even though, i no longer am with people
who i thought to be my people
it feels so odd and out of place
most of the time
since i can't begin to tell
how truly i feel

i learned to unlearn
my roots, and inheritance
how hard it is, to defy
what you knew for your entire life

I learned to be with people, without needing them
and saying, 'goodbye's, when I didn't want to
since nothing is real
nobody is here for real
only the matters, and interactions with each other
will define
the true identities of us

it doesn't hold true to people, who share Islamic faith
but, the Christianity, Hinduism, or Judaism
or another religion
in any other region of the world

As of my utterance, i don't trust people with establishments
and people, running the show

In Pakistan, the land where i was born
nobody cares for anyone, whether they leave
or stay
even if somebody dies
people stay inhumane, insensitive about most of the things
but the focus is too much on religion
even the moral conduct
is not so right

At the edge of my state, when i utter this i feel erked
and awkward
low in spirits or perhaps
i don't feel anything, at all.

When the Abraham was asked to 'sacrifice'
his beloved son, 'Ismail'
he without defying
obliged to Gods will
God, in his dutiful obedience
replace Ismail with a lamb
to fulfill the traditions, Muslims each year
follow the Abrahams traditions
when people slaughter million of animals
in name of God which has merely became a mockery
of 'sacrifice'

The day i left my house, i felt truly abandon
and so, the time when i left my friend's house
who i visited only before leaving
I thought to myself, this will never be filled
and it didn't
even after many years afterward
I stand in my nomadic spirit
without owning anything
or have anything in mind, to occupy anything

This world, as i see
is a mere transition period
where we meet people
of all race, and kinds
from all regions , and faith
but it doesn't give us any upper or lower hand
to justify anything, whatever we feel
or think.

As it is not for me to decide
or others to judge,
by other people's religion, or region
color, race, kind

There is no place in Quran that says, hate people
from other religion
nor it says, to defend your faith
when people attack you.
The rising Islamphobia and hatred
for the muslims,
in response, all the muslims could say,
'Islam is a religion of peace'
a defensive approach, again and again
not wiling to understand
it's not for you to defend your religion
your faith doesn't need you, it's you, who needs it
for your own purity, to perserve the innocence
and the feeling for others
when others fail to do

God says, 'Surely there are signs in this
for those of you who would reflect'
to me, its a comforting zone
I derive my pleasure in this
but there are so many people out there, interpreting the verses
in their own perspectives.

Upon the reasons, i feel it's necessary to challenge yourself
your mind, your readings
learnings
inheritances
wisdom and all the knowledge you acquired over the years

we don't acquire knowledge in order to boost
but to be better,
and to understand the reasons

I was named by the 'Moons light, that means moonlight which is poetic
and referred as 'beautiful'
I am not sure who named me, as i remember my childhood
a very quiet, deserted and lonely one
it wasn't tragic but disturbed


I have erased my memory and the corners of heart, that used to feel mighty heavy
for so many things
the betrayals, insincere
and lack of resistance shown by people
i left everything behind me

When Ishaq's sons took Yusuf
he cried most of his times, till the point
he lost his sight which he regained by seeing Yusuf's
he was betrayed by his own brothers
only to gain their father's attention
they tricked Yusuf
which he survived regardless

the betrayals are hard to forgive or even remove
and the cultural hindrances, resistant obstacles

it's been a while since i felt home
anywhere
and even when I'm home
i feel the distant memory of my own self
which was innocent

I'm Mahwish, and it means 'beautiful like moonlight
my life will reflect the meaning of my name, someday
and till then
I continue to live.
Maahv Z Dec 2016
I
do you think you can sleep?
when you see a girl, a little girl
being bombed in her own house
losing her toys
her beloved brother
wake me up
when the war ends
and the suffering go away
I was told, I am too sensitive
you make it too personal
I don't know how does it feel?
What does it look like exactly?
I plagiarize the thoughts, of people being silent
I listen to their thoughts
and heart,
flooded with heaviness
just like how it is mine, sometimes
or should I say most of the times
I'm sick of news
I am sick of the content media plays
again and again
of the pictures, showing young kids losing their lives
even if that little girl sleep
do you think she'll be able to sleep well?
Or will she dream?
our reflection is not shown in the mirror
like that little girl
I can’t dream
nor can i can sleep well
it is true, indeed


II
tell me, when the war ends
or tell me it has
I don't like prosing
but the grief asked me, to write more
even when I know
it makes no difference, as yet
it only makes me more sad
to see my emotions
floating just like a rhythm
it's been a while since I stopped writing
I stopped writing poems
I write in a language which people don't understand
all they say, 'i am too sensitive'
I need 'therapy', i should have come with 'an instruction pamphlet'
to deal with me
as they say, its not easy being with me
so there it is, they left, just like that
without any explanation, without any consolation
but I can't care more of this
since its difficult

III
truth is harder to tell
every year, there's more to lose
and more to let go.
yet, I write
I am compelled to
even though, nobody wants to hear you out
the anguish inside
crackling inside your bones
some days my heart beats very fast
and I can hear it
even then I stay helpless
at the mercy of the people losing so much of themselves
yet, nobody does anything
including myself
it’s a consolation reward
for being a human
in a world
where sympathy is ‘weakness’
this wasn’t me
this isn’t me, I grew up
more and more compassionate
feeling too much, thinking too much.
I cry as often, as most people
would even think of anything
of all the love, and the care
this static visions and imaginary world
hard to watch, the scars and wounds
with so much broken, wretched life’s
and the lies that establishments make
should I stop trusting people
yet I don’t
and I realize
I’m just so full of *******
since the body, I’m in
feels too much
even I’m not directly involved
I can bury my past and I have
to all the people
who didn’t want me to be in their life
as I quietly left

IV
It takes courage to tremble
and be weak
I left the therapy
and the needing thing
all I understand
how not be in a world of ‘how to be
breaking hearts or law
or the promises
they're all same, equally worse
we have to create our own destiny
its louder than war
or violence
and I know, I will
just like that
with each time I feel my heart sinking
I get motivation
to stand up for all the people who can’t
to be a voice of all the million people who can’t speak
even if I feel far away,
know, I am not gone
I am just tired of the feelings that I feel
and it’s the very thing
you will remember me of
this kindness and genuineness
it will be a symbol of my life
maybe, I will sleep well then
or so does that little girl
spreading love and hope
kind of life we led
and not intending to stay back here
where it just feels too much.
Maahv Z Oct 2016
I fooled myself
by saying
i don't need anyone
i care the least
in this thick smoke, in dim light
i feel my heart sinking
of knowing my misery
what do i need?
why do i fool myself?
i get myself fooled
these conversations are not as bare
they are not plain
it's taking out of me, myself
this very essence,
i am loosing
suppose we get married
than what?
how do i face whats bound to happen
i can't tackle the pressure
the social, cultural
doesn't make sense to me
i listen, regardless
since my soul, is interlinked with yours
my heart, your heart, are two deep lovers
an ancient story
where we built our hopes
it's not taking us anywhere
not to me..
each time when i see your face
it reminds me of my helpless
i get myself fooled
thinking i can bear anything
by telling myself
i'm strong
when in real
it's opposite.
Maahv Z Oct 2016
I feel trouble in my heart
trouble in my mind
tell me, 'what to do'
I'm expecting to see him
once more
tell me, how do i avoid myself
these demons; who do i confide in
Am i killing myself?
these words keep coming to me
side by side, even the friends don't turn up
as much as they do
but i don't know
there's a trouble in my heart
it's worrisome
some men don't think that way
they don't bother
I'm drown in my sorrows
and i know not to swim
i drink away all my thoughts
like a madman
the nights went into days and days turn into nights
in an abyss of my restless souls
of him, keeping in my mind
the sleepy boy, his fearless body
that ties me to him
how do i explain
what do i feel for him?
i carried him, in all these years
like an ache
There's a trouble in my heart
trouble in my mind
I find solace nowhere
i'm my own's foe
who should be feared
I wish i was immune
to myself, to my demons
to this great love
I feel
tell me, my friend
how do i beat this spirit in me?
I feel trouble in my heart..
and nights went into pure chaos
like a rhytm
i fell in it
like a profound agony.
Maahv Z Jun 2016
about ten thousand images
i whirled
like a madman
and here, i am
crying with my lost soul
knowing not--whats the real and false of me
i know not
of any whereabouts of my dwelling
and of my mind
about ages and craving of heart's despair
i longed for images
that locked my heart for ages
and like a ruthless spirit
my mind seeks you
imagining it's the heave it sought
in a moment of pure complex
and divinity
i looked for you
not knowing its my heart
where you lived--
like a real inhibitor

and about here and there
i went
my mind found peace nowhere
but at remembrance of yours
in each bits
i drew circle and circles
without knowing
i'm the one revolving around these
without you being there.
Maahv Z Jun 2016
what i felt with him,
i felt with none
and what i feel
for him,
i feel nothing more
for anyone
other than ***** eyes
over my body
awaiting to be licked and pressed
but he was none other than my own idea
of love
and of being loved
his were nothing but
women
and other women
wanting him more and more
out of desperation
i feel nothing
other than him

2015
Maahv Z May 2016
When I had my death
I kept my life on bedside table
and it continued to appear in front of my barren eyes
Chapters of sorrows and regrets
came over
and over
verses of sadness and remorse's
fell again and again
ahead of my dark image!


Night, outside was dark
thick, foggy, cold
inside, the life was
getting cold
freeze and thin

I tried to ran away,
to escape myself
from this pain, from this agony of coldness
by throwing a blanket on
my dying body
but
death approached me
with fast steps and caught me

I saw its face, full of disgust,
and dark with blood on its flesh
all over!


I shouted and shouted
I screamed and screamed
but no sound came
No hands came, no wonder happen
And I quietly
let the death embraced me
in that very night!!

-2009-
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