we read the same books.
watched movies together
and would share a salted
popcorn. 'because sweet
was always too sweet',
we'd say. i'd listen to
the sound of her voice at
four am, she'd listen
to the sound of mine ten
minutes later.

three months later, the
spark died down and
it was as if i was looking
in a mirror. changed the
angle and now i don't
like what i see. i hated
her, changed more about
me so i wouldn't be
my mirror girl.

hurts. to feel alone in a class
that's crowded / loud. when the
teacher comes and asks you
why you're sitting alone in a
swarm of students, you say
'there was no space, it's okay.'
you keep telling lies.
you don't trust yourself
enough not to cry, so you don't
open your mouth at all.
best that way / mistaken for shy.

to care too much & yet,
too little. to not want to
breathe and yet believe
that our time on this
world does not let you
complete all your goals.

sometimes, love feels like
swimming on a sunny day.
you jump in, and the water is
cold- and it feels so pleasant
against the scorching ball of
light, especially in the afternoon.
it seems to get warmer as you
stay, moving around, struggling
to fight against the laws of
gravity & nature. it’s easy,
comfortable. that’s the best
part, see- when you don’t
have to speak because you
can finish each other’s
sentences. but sometimes,
we find ourselves looking
at the pool in winter, no
intention of ever wanting to
swim in it again. cuddling
ourselves up in blankets,
watching movies & staying
inside. that’s just as bad as
staying in the shallow end,
one foot out of the door.

to some, love is a rose,
beautiful at first, but the
thorns hurt. to others, it
is a drug, a disease, an
animal, a garden.
a heaven. a hell.
love takes all these different
forms, and we lie on our beds,
thinking, is it really worth it all?
god, i hope it is.