sometimes i love life
most of the time i hate it

i get bullied
and lied to,
manipulated

but i dont let it get to me
all because of you

you and i both get judged
because of our bodies, laughs, faces

but we also get told that we are beautiful
by ones we like/love

many people say things they dont mean
not knowing it could affect you terribly

they continue to do what they do
all i can say is be you

because you are
be-you-tiful

so ive been thinking about ending my life a lot lately. nothing seems real anymore. i just feel so, so worthless. ya know? i dont know how to handle anything anymore. i used to try to be happy, but i kinda just gave up. ive tried hopelessly to recover but nothing seemed to work. the coping skills, they let me down. they dont work. my antidepressants, they make me feel worse. i just dont know how to cope with my emotions, and i dont think i ever will. so i need to make up my mind. death or wellness?

it doesn't matter anymore,
nothing does.

everything that was meant to happen,
happened.

i may not like the outcome,
i may be sad.

but there is nothing i can do anymore,
no matter how bad.

you said the nicest things,
and i believed every word you said.

up until you told me the truth,
then i felt like i was dead.

I STILL LOVE YOU,
AND I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT.

so you're gone.

i guess i couldn't
give you what you wanted.

ive been crying and
contemplating on harming
because i really need you.

im sorry that i couldn't
satisfy you.

but you're gone now.
im so sorry.

i would take the time
to tell you about someone
i like

but instead
ill just describe

hes sweet,
kind,
caring.

probably the nicest person
you'd ever meet

too bad
he doesnt like me.

im only human.

you can't expect me to
be as perfect as her.

can you?

i dont know what im feeling,
or what i need,
or who i am.

i dont know how to control my actions,
or how to control my feelings,
or how to express myself.

i dont know how to do anything anymore.
and i need someone to help me figure it out.

i dont like seeing you with her
holding hands,
laughing,
kissing.

i dont like when you call her perfect
because you said the same to me

i dont like seeing you and her
having the cutest conversations ever

i just,
i dont like it

im the girl who would
apologize to you for bleeding
on your shirt after i got shot


im the girl who would
break down and cry after looking
at the most beautiful flower


im the girl who would
depend on others for happiness
because she cant satisfy herself


im the girl who you would never want,
im the girl with scars and burns,
im the girl who would never get a boyfriend.

im the girl that no one wants.

that girl you made cry
yeah, she's insecure
all because of you
and your friends

you laugh and feel cool
for making her cry
not a care in the world
when one day she suddenly 'dies'

you feel like
it isnt your fault.
"maybe its another reason" you say
until you see on the news
"girl commits suicide for being bullied"

you suddenly feel something you've never felt before
something called guilt
you cry and worry that
everything's your fault

many days pass and
you still feel ashamed,
well guess what,
you're the one to blame.

when we first talked,
i thought we would become
something like best friends

luckily, it happened.

then you said you liked me
and i liked you back

now what's happened?
everything went whack.

just to think at one point in our lifetimes, we didn't know each other existed.
now that we've met, i don't remember how i ever lived my life without you.
you were my 3 am thoughts, you were in my head 24/7 and i was going insane.
after you told me how you actually felt, i realized that you still are my 3 am thoughts and that you never left my head.
i soon came to realize that i /need/ you, and that i still love you.

you said 'i love you'
i said it, too.

the only difference
is that i didn't lie to you.

miles and miles and miles away,
you are not even close.

i spend my days wishing you were closer to me,
because distance ******* *****.

you could tell me how beautiful i am
or how much you love me
or how important i am
and i would still be paranoid that you were lying.

hey you,
yeah you.

i love you.
please love me too.

please never leave me,
there is no way i could live without you.

i cant live without
your touch.
without your smile.
without your love.

so please please please, stay by my side forever.

i need you.

darling,
you may have the urge
to harm yourself with that
little piece of metal
but please, put it down,

you feel worthless and scared,
unloved and imperfect.

but you arent,
trust me.

youre perfect to me.
so please, put that worthless piece
of metal down before its too late.

honestly,
it isnt okay.

i say it is,
because i dont want to annoy.

i constantly say,
'it's okay..'
'really.'

i guess you could say ive been getting better lately
or maybe you could say ive been getting worse

but no one will ever be able to tell, right?

save yourself from
the dark lies you've been told

try to forget about what
terrible things have happened

just hope and pray
they won't happen again

sorry,
i cannot save you.

i can barely save myself.

i wanna make you happy,
i wanna see you smile

i just wanna make you fall in love,
i know you've got your walls built up
around every possibility to find yourself

but you can't fly
unless you fall

sorry doesnt cut it
most of the time

maybe,
just maybe
ill forgive you.

the bullied girl had never spoken
when one day she did,
and all her bones got broken

Look in my eyes
And tell me the truth

No lies this time
Please

darling,
i am truly sorry for
what i've done.

there's this thing called depression
it takes over my life
some things become an obsession
between you & i, there is strife

i get jealous of everything
imagine how i feel right now.

deep down,
i truly care about you,
and always will

just imagine
how i feel

Hello
Won't you hear me say
That this is the day
That my pain goes away.
Forever gone
Forever relieved
Of the torture
I received.
No more tears
No more blades
Only the light
From heaven's gate.
Do not mourn
Do not weep
For I'm finally away
From my pain that was so deep.
So I say goodbye
To all my family and friends
Because today
Is my bittersweet end.

i cant drown my demons,

theyll only come back.

you'll be okay darling,
just smile..

darling,
i miss you more than anything.
please, come back.
you may not want to,
and i understand that.
but at least act like you still care.

i love you so much
yet im always sad
its not because of you,
my dear.
im just always beaten down.

i dont know what to believe anymore.

YOU WERE EVERYTHING I HAD ALWAYS WANTED BUT NOW YOURE JUST EVERYTHING THAT I WANT TO THROW AWAY.

i really just need someone
but im just a ****** up girl
who pushes everybody away

and that is my problem

i just need somebody.

i need you to love me.
i need you to be here.
i need you to believe in me.
i need you to stay by my side.

you are my air,
i cant live without you.

so please, never leave me.
i wont be able to breathe.

you may have done me wrong a number of times,
but i will always love you.

there were times where you treated me like ****, but at the same time you treated me so nicely and that's what i fell in love with.

you are the person i love,
you are my 4 am thoughts,
you are in my mind.

i need you.

one of a Kind
AlwayS caring
And Intelligent

for whatever reason,
i can never be happy.
im always sad,
i always want to end my life.
no one could ever make me feel
the way that you do.
you make me feel like
i can recover from this irony.
you make me feel as if
im not worthless.
you make me feel like im important.
and i cant thank you enough for that.

you've damaged me so much, yet i still love you with all of my heart.

i need you like a fish needs water.

why did you have to do this,
come and disrupt me like that.

i said i'd never let you go
i never did

remember those 'i love you more fights'?

looks like i won.

what if my heart desires you?

why do i keep going back to you knowing that its a bad idea?

why do i allow myself to talk to you over and over again knowing that ill fall for you?

why do i KNOW that i still love you even after you broke my heart?

why am i such a mess?

why am i only a mess without you?