You hold a pencil in your hand
one ready for soft gray lines
before promising me anything;
though it is also more than capable
of engraving our entire life.

There is a sort of passion
in everything you do;
however it does fade away
sometimes slowly, preventing
mistakes too dark to erase.

As you drag that pencil across
the rough, pulpy paper again
I am coming up with the story to
tell on the same page when
others dare to pretend that they

understand.

Someday your work will be in
all the finest museums covering
ceilings in a million mausoleums
and yet that will not be the end.

Because one day they will know
your name the way I do.
I just hope that you remember
I loved you before you were cool;
you are my brightest star
and I would do anything for you.

When you finish this page
let me see it before moving on
I think I can inspire the next one
with lines showing the depth of you
and the contrast in me.

Someday we will be your
most famous work of

artistry.

And i know im not always the best listener,
i get sidetracked and confused i
lose myself in my own little world.
I know im not the girl of your dreams,
i don't look good without make up
and im too big in some areas and
way too tiny in others.

I know that my heart is falling apart
its tied together with all sorts of
useless things and my memory holds on
to more of the bad than the good
but I try.

I am also a dreamer, so i imagine what life could be.
I imagine me and you.
I think of all the places we could see and things we could do.
I envision you happier than ever before
and sometimes I let myself pretend im
the reason for that joy. So right now I'm
seeing the world so much darker than it
really is, but tomorrow, I promise I'll see
the blindingly good side instead,
so long as you'll give me the night

to make the change.
Oh and I know my heart is small,
but i love you with every ounce of love
everyone alive or dead has ever had to
give and i love you for so much more
than just that.

Everybody needs you, no matter
what they say. But darling, you're
swimming in dangerous waters,
with a fake confidence that they fail
to see past, a single fallen rose
in a city garden lacking flowers
and love. Oh how you remind me
of the muse behind the classics
that everybody knows.

Baby, this isn't paradise, that much
I understand, but you have to make it
okay before it can ever get better. You
have a blank canvass at the turn
of every moment and the people laughing
at your creations just wish that
they could do the same, even
though it's so clear that none
have the same talent.

And you hold on to those red plastic
guitar picks, the ones he gave you
right before he left, as if the moment you
let go you will be face to face with
Master Death. Oh my dear, you remind me
of myself, because it's true, you are.

Just please,
please come back to us
while you still have
the chance.

Smile for me my darling,
smile pretty.
Show your joy to the world
and keep doing what you love.

Come on, look this way,
pick your head up ***,
pretend you don't worry
and dry your eyes once more,
show us why we live.

Smile for me my darling,
smile pretty.
Pour your heart out
remind us what beauty is.

We want to see you,
to know you the way
your tongue knows your teeth.
Smile for the camera Babe,
look this way

and

smile pretty.

It seems like I have nothing to say

until I sit behind the keys
and listen to the patterns
in the silence around

watching the rise and fall
of people in their anger,
in their freedom and joy,
anything they might know

currently.

It seems like I have nothing to say

without reopening healed wounds
that no one wants to read
words without pain
or love so sweet it's sick.

And then I think too much,
I really don't think at all,
close my eyes and feel
the keys quivering so

intently

beneath my delicately
disastrous fingertips
unpolished and broken.

It seems like I have nothing to say

but nothing is something too
and thoughts don't have to
be worth much to be sold,

hence that overused quote
"A penny for your thoughts"
sell them because people
people don't know how
to think for themselves

without poetry,

pain,

love so sweet it's sick,

or inspiration.

It seems like I have nothing to say today,

then tell me,
what did you just read?

You changed me -
Not the way you'd think-
But you made me happy -
And tickled me pink -

Who are you -
How did you do it -
And what did you do -
Oh, can I tell you a secret -

I think you should know -
I love you -
Please don't go -
Don't you love me too -

Oh well, I'll just stop -
Cause I think I am spewing -
Way to much and it'll flop -
Yes, it's only hurt I'm cooing -

Thank you for it all -
I'm glad we met -
Here, I'll end the call -
Now that I don't fret -

Yesterday I found that picture of you I always loved so much
even though you swore you've looked better elsewhere.

Today I found something you wrote for me a long time ago.
You left it behind forgotten and alone when you decided to
move out and get on with your life.

And tomorrow I think ill look for your brother's address
and write to him asking how you are. I will apologize
for never meeting him properly and for making him
just another middle man. I will sincerely hope that all is well
in both your worlds.

And maybe if he writes back I will get your real number
and give you a call.

You've been gone too far away for way too long
and I am beginning to miss everything.

Even the parts of you that I used to hate

I know its a name
That I gave myself,
But it seemed to fit
Oh so well.

Others don't seem to
Get it, they like to joke;
But they don't know me
So they're just rude.

I call myself adreamer
Because that's exactly
What I do,; I wish and I
Hope, I dream and I dream.

Of the life I want to
Have and the world
I wish we were in,
It makes me happy.

Its probably just
Wishful thinking like
They always say,
Maybe not though.

I love the name and
I like the feel,
I am adreamer and
I wish you were too.

So many people missed out
on knowing who you were
and that amazing person
you could be; even after
the accident...

I didn't know you at all
until today, walking through
a city I've never been to
with my dad; he's the one
that knew you...

We met your mom sitting at
her kitchen table with your
little brother; he still wears the
peace ring you gave him right
before Time took you...

Mommy told us stories about you
on the phone when she and dad
were still together. The way your
family did when they let us see your
final picture and memory book...

Dad saw the box of letters
from your nieces when you left;
he added a little piece of metal
with a shark. We know you loved
marine biology and Donald Duck,
but we forgot that
until just now...

I know this won't mean much
since you knew my dad in
college and he didn't even know
my mom; let alone want kids;
but I wish I had the time to
meet you...

Everyone seemed to love you,
and for good reason too; I am
just sorry I was never on the list.
Even though I admire all the
things they told me about you...

Anyway, I just thought if anything
you would have a way to read
this, and if you did you should know
Jeff misses you, and we do too...

Names are written in the stars
when Earth's out of storage for people
running around her beautiful offerings
but she's so caprice that she can't decide
which ones to remove from the
horizon. I just hope our names don't
show up cause those are the ones she moves
to the top of Death's list.

Sit with me, find the old constellations,
the ones with stories and history,
myth and little to no truth. Sit with me,
like nothing at all is wrong, even if
only for tonight.

Its a new year,
guess that means
its time to try
something new to me.

So I'm going to
say something
I've never said
before, to anyone.

Hello and who
the hell are you?
What are you
doing in my life?

Why are you
reading this
piece of my soul?
Will I get it back?

Am I really supposed
to try and be nice?
Or am I able to live
like I've always wanted?

You said I'm sweet,
innocent and not
going to cause trouble,
but my god you're wrong.

Someone else said
I am a monster
and they don't know
why I am still alive.

I wanted to
rip their head
off and run,
but I didn't.

So once again
hello and who
the hell are you?
Why are you here?

Snowflakes are dancing in the wind
its been a month since you did the deed.
I thought forever your voice was all I'd need,
but then you went and killed yourself.

I went for a walk to clear my head
but the voices came and their message
I could not even dream to do nor defy,
they told me go to your grave and see you're dead.

Onward, I trekked into the blinding snow,
to the tomb covered and laced in flowers.
Yes, I tried to retreat however the voices have powers,
those powers that make a person go insane.

All of a sudden there was a flash of lightning,
a gust of wind that nipped at my very soul,
then rain began descending, calling my name as it did
I looked up and an old couple was down the way, fighting.

"I took my life cause I stole yours!"
The old man said watching as the girl bled,
"No! You listened to their lies and claimed me dead!"
She called noticing the tears welling in his eyes.

"Mads, what was I supposed to do?
It had been four days since you were awake!"
He protested with fire in his eyes, passion in his heart,
"I always said I'd die for you, cause I love you!"

She shook her head, bit her lip, and screamed,
"Wait! You should have waited on me!
Then if I was really dead, you'd be able to see!"
Away she tried to run, but he grabbed her arm.

A moment later they were sharing a passionate kiss,

"Who cares how we once lived? We're together now,"
he smiled as he held her hands in his,
"Let's love and spend death in eternal happiness."

"I was so young and you just left me alone,
so innocent in a world so cold. How could you
even pretend I'd know what the hell to do?"
Her shameful voice cried, realizing now, why he died.

With another flash of lightning covering the sky
the couple was gone and I noticed it was us.
I saw why you left me and that I really am insane,
I dropped to my knees, called your name, and said goodbye.

Thank you for making me happy,
thanks for breaking me too.

It's only a few days
but it feels like years,
decades even.

I know you'll be back
the habits we formed
found their way here
to haunt me again.

They tell me you are
coming home and I
shouldn't worry even
more, but your picture
is fading more and more.

Your voice has left me
alone trying to pull it
out of the rubble that
once was my imagination.

And your sweet, sweet arms
that one day will hold me
close to you if only for
one single moment
before losing you again.

I hope you have fun
while you are away,
just please come back
safe and sound, for me?

I wonder if the sun and the moon
go through this kind of torture
when they are together but always
so very, very alone. Is rain nothing
more than tears of the moon
trying so desperately not to disturb
that misunderstood, tormented darkness?

Are shooting stars just pirates
sailing away for good, so as not
to jeopardize that love they have?
If something is this beautiful
everyone will tell you it's not right
to disturb it, like a delicate rose
even gorgeous when it's long past dead.

Waves always wonder who their mystery
stalker is, but they never live long
enough to see that it's no one to be
afraid of, that the midnight angel just
wants the very best for them, night after
night, which is exactly why she raises
the bar between sea and sky higher with
every tide to come. Don't you understand?

I wonder if this is how the sun
and moon feel, they know they will
always have each other's love and
friendship but they won't ever get
the chance to quench their need to
end that struggle of wanting to
kiss and not being able to - like you
always used to say after getting me
to break my shell just a little more.

It's nice to know that we
are not alone, even in our

loneliness.

The lights didnt recieve me well,
The picture of you isn't enough;
I don't make enough money
To pay for a phone, otherwise
I'd be calling you every night.

The stage is too high up,
The Ipod I borrowed won't charge
All our songs feel weird,
So wrong, like they are
Missing you more than I am.

The microphone couldn't pickmme up,
The story shouldnt have ended this way;
Your last name is all
I have left keeping ,me
In your heart, and that hurts.

The lights didnt recieve me well,
The picture is starting to fade;
Your song is telling me
I can come on home,
But I don't know the way.

I lost myself, trying to be
Something I am not,
Do you still love me
Enough to welcome me
If I came back?

Tonight leave the light on,
Unlock the door, please,
Because
I am

Coming home.

Staring out the window at the lucid storm
fingers lightly tapping the blanket,
I wonder what tonight will bring.

Dreams to inspire love?
Fears to remind me of sorrow?
Messages to guide me in hope?
Something new to try, for experience?

The block on my ideas stabs me
oh God, my life's so boring.

Moving to the floor, my back against the wall,
feet sliding along the wooden floor boards,
pen in my hand getting slippery, losing
my grip and my captive mind running too.

Thoughts begin racing, legs collapse,
pen dances on the floor, imprinting new thoughts
forever and ever, for all to see.

I only hope the future owners
don't get mad at me...

What can I say though,
the inspiration comes and goes
I just have to follow the flow.

I have the mark of the angels

layered delicately atop a sinner's skin.
There is a seraphium's heart beating
deep beneath my scarred chest and
Lucifer's fading light pushes out
this breath. I know you don't quite
understand how this can be
but you see on the day Heaven dropped
it's brightest star neither party bled
until long after their children were born.

I have the mark of the angels

layered delicately atop a sinner's ashen skin.
There is a seraphium's heart beating
deep beneath my scarred chest and
Lucifer's fading light is all I have left
pushing out my few remaining breaths.

Don't worry I am not alone
(you are never alone)
there are a million others

just like us.

The warm glow from the cigarette butts blinds me slowly,
The smoke fills the delicate air poisoning those around me,
But it does not matter now, I am calm and so are they.
That's enough for me if nothing else.

Grey speckled silver wisps dance around me
And fill the room with a sense of familiarity,
Its not that I'm addicted so much as it is I enjoy
The nostalgia that fills me with each breath.

Memories of those close to me and the past
I used to live moment by moment.

Who would have known something so simple
Could mean so much to one person.
If you found this, you know who you are,
Thank you for making me feel this way.

I love the way we took turns
inspiring each other by being
exactly who we were and
saying only what we truly meant.

if you come through town again
anytime soon I'd like to take you
for one more cup of coffee
in that little cafe by the park,
we can sit anywhere you like.

I love the way things were for us
when you were still here. And as much
as I miss the perfection we were,
I am completely honest when I say
that I don't miss you at all

(even though I still love you

with all my heart.)

There's a locked box sitting in my closet.
It's decorated with pictures of us
and all the people we've ever
wanted to be. Written in scratchy
letters and tear stained ink
are your very best quotes.

As much as I love that box itself
I think you should know what
is dying inside the belly of
that beautiful beast. All the
nicknames unwhispered
between the protection of
night and warm sheets
gone unsaid -

unheard

for so long.

The promises unkept
and shattered dreams.
Scenarios and lyrics
you recited in my dreams
as comfort are lingering -
caught in silky
spider webs.

Guitar picks and letters, pencil drawings and
a colorful ring. And at the very bottom
of that sad, lonely box, folded sweetly,
tucked safely beneath everything
else my soul weeps. Withering
away as it promises to

be better

in its next life.

Someday you are going to understand
Why it never worked or felt so perfect
With anyone else.

You will be given back every pen you
Have ever lost and everything you spent
So long being unable to say.

And when that day arrives you will set sail
Utop the world's most brilliant ocean
Waving goodbye to the shallow shore
Of loneliness you have grown so
Fond of.

There will be a new song stuck on repeat
Inside your already crowded mind
And a fire in your heart that will
Never go out.

At that moment Love will be
In your grasp. This is true love
This is it...

Everything you have ever wanted
Will soon be yours.

You call me an angel,
pretending that I have silken
wings and a sparkling halo
spinning above my perfect
fiery head highlighting
sea worthy eyes and
pale sandy skin.

Every night you kiss my
forehead and call me
babygirl just before
reading me the lyrics to
my favorite song then
walking away ever so
carefully.

It makes me wonder if
I will ever see you again,
or if this time might just be
the very last to be someones
precious little princess.

Then you see me and
wrap me in your safe arms
once more telling me I am
your dream girl your baby
forever and always.

I like the way that sounds,
even more how it feels;
but later I hear you crying
down upon your knees,
saying how you hate
yourself, you're not good
enough for me.

Have you ever bothered to
ask me how I felt or where
I might stand on that point?
Did you ever care to listen
that you are my superman?

Somebody told me today
that you want to take yourself
away from the world, from your
family, and most of all
from me....

If you found your way
to this set of jumbled words,
I want you to know that I
love you, I don't want to
let you go. Besides, too many
people would miss you
like crazy.

So Love, please don't go,
don't pull yourself from life
I'm here to help you, to end
the painful strife. You call me
an angel, so let me
do my job, alright?

We all know what its like to have our power go out...

What happens when our spirit goes out
or the fire in your heart? You don't
have a storm to wait for or anyone
to call for help.

A life has ended or a love was lost
and what can you do? Start a storm,
scream, rage, break away, do
anything to quench your pain...b
It's all going to be okay.

Every time it rains you can make it rain...

You, yes, You have the power to make it
unrain. The sun will come out again and
birds will sing, if only you gave reason,
that's up to you.

Life begins again and love is always there
you need to see it. Open your eyes,
smile, laugh, see your friends, do
something to feel a bit better.
It's all going to be okay.

Fires fade but the embers almost always stay.

You say you do it so no one else falls in
with enough force to **** you upon arrival,
but you've gone and messed up this time.
While you were busy hiding from everyone else
you left cracks big enough for my tiny self to
get in. And you say you don't mind that people
do not miss you, but darling, you don't say a word
to me for a while and my heart starts to ache
a little bit more with every passing moment.
You drink and you drink because the taste is
just like anything else you've ever consumed.

There once was a time when it made you feel whole
because it took the pain away for a moment or two
and that led to an addiction of sorts, which just made
you someone you never thought you'd be. You say
you do it all just to keep people out, but Darling,
you made a mistake this time.

Dream Keeper, Dream Keeper,
are there any dreams stashed away
in my file or have they all just been
nightmares and haunted shadows
waiting to feast on me?

I've given up on learning how to
keep breathing under water and
when memories crush the soul
what kind of dreams could
possibly follow? Dream keeper,
Dream Keeper, please just don't
let go of my mind yet.

Give me one more night
to try and dream with a
velvet heart and no choices
or regret, hold on a little longer,
just for me.

It is time
to forget
me

You always said you just wanted me to be happy...

I miss you. But you always said you
just wanted me to be happy and that
you left because it was better for me
and my feelings. So you went away
without anything close to goodbye.

You walked away in my darkest hour
saying it was right because I liked
someone else and you didn't want to
get in the way of anything good coming
my way, especially love.

When we met I made the mistake of
showing you the width of my pain
instead of the depths of my heart and
you decided that I deserved love to be
happy more than just one friend.

You always said you just wanted me to be happy...

I have never been more happy than
when you were close enough to hug
after my nightmares and yet far enough
to muse from without having to bleed
first. I don't understand this - you.

What is happiness in your eyes anyway,
***, you taught me every other
conceivable lesson about emotions,
human growth, and love so what lesson
was this if you only ever always said

you just wanted me to be happy. . .

I wanted to make things right,
to heal the wounds I caused
so maybe once again I'd
be able to sleep at night.

Broken hearts with pieces too
small to see and too sharp
to catch, souls shattered all for
a love just trying to please you.

We don't get what we want
barely have what we need,
you are so perfect you hold
more than this hope so gaunt.

I don't really like to rhyme,
to lie, cheat, or steal, but
there's not much to do when
you're wasting important time.

So making this short,
stopping the pain here
I am apologizing for it all;
putting the ball in your court.

You were right, I was wrong
you have it all and I have none,
because you deserve more than
a lame, cheap, actress's song...

You said that we
are doomed to be ******.
Because apparently,
somewhere along the way
of secret phone calls
at two am and
kisses out in the rain
before the school bell rang,
and all the secrets that we told,
and all the blood promises made,
we never thought to ask
each other for our names.

So we called each other
dreamer and star,
but star, I miss you.
Star, I love you.
Star, you are the brightest
star in my life and
I think that maybe,
just maybe somewhere
between our runs at dusk
and our walks til dawn
I might have fallen
in love with you.

But now you are gone,
and here I am, all alone...
waiting for a hero
that will never show.
Why'd you have
to meet the knife?
Why did you take your life
that night?
Why did I fall for someone
I knew would never stay?
Will I see you again one day?

Heartbeats growing fast
hands intertwine, breaths linger
but it's just a dream.

"You always were my little dreamer,
my beautiful cloud dancer,
pirouetting from heart to heart rarely
if ever revisiting the ones you leave behind,"
you smiled as you pulled me just a
little closer and put your hand
over my heart.

"You found the key to my heart early on
and I wanted nothing more than to
welcome you to my life. Only you were too
innocent, too broken to be asked that then.

There was a darkened stranger in your soul
killing you a little more with each day.
And you gave me the key to your heart
in turn. ***, I couldn't stick around,
tempting you with honest promises
too far out of reach for such a sweet girl.

So I ran to my hiding place
until you were able to smile again. I had
no idea that it would hurt you so much,
I only ever wanted the best for you.
Oh, ***, thank you for forgiving my
for being so unable to see that you were
only ever truly happy right here
next to me."

I need you to promise me something,
promise you will never leave me.
You promised me everything would

be ok;

but how can anything be ok
if you are gone so far away?
Past the limit of time and space
to a completely different place.

You told me to listen to something
said you will never leave me.
You promised me everything would

work out;

honestly, I don't see how that can be
if you are not still here with me.
Maybe I am being selfish now
to leave you are the stupid cow!

Each night I heard you say everything
even that you will never leave me.
You promised me everything would

make sense;

and now you are doing terrible things
my angel will finally have some wings.
That does not make any sense to me
but I guess I do need to set you free.

Take yourself if you must
you truly hated life, I trust.
Remember me, always and forever
know you are my

favorite treasure.

And I'd ask you again if you have a lighter
I'm not smoking yet, but I think I might.
I just need something to take me away
'cause these dusty wings don't seem
to do the trick anymore. There's a tower
blocking my only ray of sun shining hope
and everyone seems to test my luck
not that I have anything left on my
lucky streak, it all died when your ghost
decided it was more fun to linger here
reminding me what it's like to be the one
haunted instead of the one haunting.
****, I miss those days, being the one
everyone muses about in their dreams.

So I'll ask you one more time, if you've
got a lighter out here with you. I swear
I'm not smoking but I just might.
'Cause I'd leave every memory of you
of us at the station if it didn't already
know the way home. I'd drop them off in
a box outside the shelter down town,
but that only works with puppies and
kittens too cute to keep. (shush don't
correct me, I don't have the strength
to break again.) If it helps, I'll just
hold the cigarette between my bleeding lips
I'll taste what I can as harmlessly as
possible and when the smoke finally pulls
away the last piece of my life source
I promise to say you tried to stop me
but I wouldn't listen because I didn't
know how. Don't worry I'll find my way out

someday.

There's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.
The tears just don't like my eyes. And my mind
is tired of developing blurry pictures -
its such a waste of energy.

My shadow sits against the wall wondering when
I'll hand her off to a decent conversationalist,
even though walls will never talk and floor boards
just complain. I know it's all fun and games to you,
to them, to everyone else, but my mind just can't
pick up on that - just can't grasp why something
so cruel could ever be so funny. There's a person
stuck in the mirror staring back at me,
they say it gets better, but they've got the devil's
famous grin buried beneath countless layers of
make up and lies.

That stupid voice in my head, the one deeper than my own,
the one everyone knows to ignore - everyone that is but me,
reminds me just how tiny i am in this great big world. It's like
my mind doesn't know when to stop, the pain brings more pleasure
than the strangers calling me pretty as they offer to
buy me some fruity drink down the block (I love the look
on their faces when I end downing **** stronger than their own.)
there's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.

I just woke up today and realized that i'm not who I thought I was.

That I'm not who you think I am.

I am just another
impostor
in your bed.

If we keep fighting
Just to taste
Dissonance
We cant keep doing
This.

We wake up, smile,
And wonder what lies
To spread around
Today.

They taught us to
Start fires, burn things,
Destroy
Everything we can
Before
someone else did.

Fight
Me to make yourself
Look so big and
Syrong.

Rise up against all
The crazy, falling
World
Just to feel
alive.

As long as you
Promise
That you are the one
To choose your
Actions going
Against
The grain of society.

No longer will I
Allow
You to blame
Me.

I often wonder if this is just
a single year summer love we have
going on between you and me,
that a short journey back to the
places we came from would be
enough to shatter both our hearts
and anything we think of each
other.

That you have to have the strings
still attached, like a warning
in the manual meant to be bolded
that reads: "tie to fly" because your
wings aren't strong enough to
hold you all the way across the finsh
line.

I often wonder if this is just
all in my head and there's really
nothing at all going on between
you and me; yet I continue searching
for ways to break the silence
creeping in around us as we lay with
my head on your heart and someone else
waiting

on you.

Right now I am writing this in ink
that has been my blood for years now.
These words will be exactly the same for
everyone who reads them but each person
who finds them will read something
entirely different.

This being said you are always alone
in your loneliness but you are never alone because everyone else feels the way you feel
now sometimes. Right now I am writing this
for the first time and for the millionth
at the same time as well,

you are reading it for the first and last time
(but don't worry, you'll read it again
someday). And Right now you feel one way
and I feel a different way (even though
I feel the same exact way you feel).

This ink is my blood and these words
are yours even though they are
only ever mine. This is why I love you
as much as I do.

Listen as the wind does softly blow
stay quiet and it will tell you
all that one will need to know.

Stay still, stay here, you'll be alright
it's just a little storm, nothing bad,
it'll only last one tiny night.

See the lightning, watch her dance
she makes them all smile just look
it seems like they are in a trance.

Shush darlin' don't you cry,
it's just a game that they play
up in the midnight sky.

Oh, you feel the thunder boom,
and you think it's going to
break into your little room.

Don't worry babe, it'll be okay,
I'm here with you, have no fears
'cause I'm here for you, I'll stay.

This storm is protecting you
since daddy went away and
you really shouldn't be so blue.

It's okay, just go to sleep,
there's nothing to hurt you
not even the secrets that you keep.

'Twas once a beauty
In a world so cold -
A light giving way
Through clouds so bold.
I once chose love
Over that fearful life
Drama of friends killed me
So did vengeful strife.
Here I now stand
Oh, so mighty and tall
Kindness can be
But famous not at all.
To all now
My name shall be known
Madison Kuhlmann a star
More precious than gold and stone.

You're swimming in dangerous
waters, sleepwalking down the
busiest streets, and trying to
convince us all that there is
another sun, when I can assure
you that there is not.

To you friendship is tears
in the rain, completely
unseen, unnoticed, yet there
to catch you when you fall.

Now maybe you will understand
why I've spent my life for you

just

waiting...

I only remember you as lyrics whispered while waiting for Sleep
to come. I remember you as laughter in a group of close knit strangers
and a joke with authority so apathetic you were a new face
all over again by the time morning came back around.
I remember you as my summer love, autumn mistakes, and
winter lessons. You knew I meant the words "forever and always"
because you always love your first love forever.

But I still wonder,
sometimes,
if you have any memories
of me
left.

I am sorry to announce this
but you all need to know that
I am not who you think...

The things I do are dream like
they don't ever make sense when
I do them and afterwards I
can never seem to rationalize them
or understand what was going through
my own mind...

As I sit in this Christmas decorated,
friendly coffee shop filled with strangers
and people I know I have cut too deep
I find it hard to believe that I do
not know who I am anymore.

I feel like an alien in this skin,
waiting to break free of the ridicule,
of the pain it seems I cause so often...

I am scared and weak,
vulnerable even...
I think...

Then again, it's difficult to tell
what is real and what is not.
I write too much in my head,
this demented Wonderland I
created by mistake and it is
beginning to drive me
just a little mad.

So if you are reading this now,
and you think you know me
I am so sorry to announce that
you don't and you never did.

Because how could you know
someone who does not even
know them self?

"Your poetry is lonely," he said,
"Yet you write to feel less alone."

"I know," I answered the way wind answers
a hot afternoon jogger on the highway's edge.
There was a silence, the only noises were
the keys of his old typewriter

click clacking away at themselves,
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. He got up
and walked to the door, put his hand
on the doorknob, opened his heart

and faced me once more,
"It wasn't meant to hurt you, Love.
That's the last thing she said to me
and life is too precious to waste
thinking everyone's out to get you."

With that he left me to my thoughts,
replaying the scene again and again,
maybe I should get a typewriter myself
to write my story just as powerfully
as he wrote his. To be in some young person's
dream, inspiring them the way he does
for me. . .

Dear you,

the following is for your eyes and your eyes only.

I love you so much. I love you so much.
please don't ever forget that.

i think i understand what it means to be
a single drop of rain falling falling falling to the ground
in the middle of a crowd of thousands upon thousands
of others just like me even though they aren't like me at all.
i think i figured out why angels cry for so long so often
and why their tears are known to us as rain. They do that
when another of their own has fallen in the most beautiful
of ways. i know why so many molecules of carbon
throw themselves from the windows on the twenty first floors
of buildings while the rest of the company is away for lunch
in some overpriced cafe down the street. It's because
they were seconds away from being the first spec of
a diamond when someone went and released all
the pressure too soon. And they know that a life where you
don't shine just isn't a life worth living at all.

love i figured out what it's like to be
a single drop of rain falling to the most poetic doom
known to man, so alone, so free, alone and perfect
in it's imperfect pain. Today i finally learned why people hurt
the way they do for so long and as horrible as it is
there's so much indescribable beauty to it. i'd ask you
to join me as i fall, i'd lie and tell you it feels like flying
even though it's nothing like it at all because you're going too fast
to stop and taste the sky and you don't have any wings
to soak up the sun, but you have too much potential for me
to drag down. so instead i'll just kiss you once, i
look in your eyes and tell you that your lips taste like
the sweetest roses ever and the thorns cut too deep
for me to do it again. then i'll etch that smile with
a touch too much of highlighting that you know is fake
but it takes you a moment too long to realize it and
whisper good night, only i won't be coming back...

the rain is calling. the raven refused to sing.
the shadows allowed the ghost of my every heartbreak past
to move in. the walls chose words that you never said
with any voice but your eyes, and i just can't stay here
and live like that.

the rain

is calling

me home.

sincerely,

a broken diamond in the rough (strike through)
another fallen angel (striked through)
your wilting rose

We view the world in blacks,
grays, and whites while you're
the one who noticed color as
you look back.

We only drink the words
that others say to us
and somehow you managed
to become each of them.

How does that work,
how were you so special?
So beautiful, so wise?

We wanted to learn
from you and truly live
and it's a shame you're gone
we merely wish to see
the world through
your bright eyes.

The sun will rise -
The moonlight will fade -
I am ready to run -
and forget their lies -
let's leave the world behind -
Follow that butterfly -
Just have fun -
who knows what we'll find -
I'll be yours -
And you'll be mine -
We'll laugh and love -
so step away from the doors -
off we go -
to see this place -
all its beauty -
or simply watch the show -