A large rectangular marble

table, networking veins

of greyer and greyer areas.

Coursing through a concessional

white, interspersed by dappled

glimmers of light fixtures above.

The cafe's window showcasing

a slushier version of said table,

an oddly persistent optical illusion

of non ****** snow.

Melancholy moments are weathered upon features,
furrows of my dejection descend from what'd  
evaporated now condensed in droplets of sorrow.

Caustic thoughts sting upon reflections merging    
before me, drowning within contemplation.
I see more in the rain than others see in a lifetime.

Tonight, as I flip through the world in the fog of the sky,
My brother's coughing beside me, rolling onto his right side,
We're pulling the bald landscape over our bodies of dust, 
We won't be dreaming of fairytales, just of a home to trust.

We drank too many tides, the sea is spilling over our bodies,
One day when our hearts explode, our names'll rhyme with casualties,
Along the tribes we race, at a young age hard we learnt,
That the longer we wait, the more of our memories will be burnt.

It's in black and white, the digital world they're fussing about,
We're in one cell of this universe that seeps no sound,
The clatter from the battleground rivals our ringing ears,
My dead mama said, boys were born to laugh at fear.

Through mirrors of smoke, I think I see distant planets shine,
I write to God everyday, can you patch the holes of mine?
At a tie in this war of peace, they bow down to the lion in the cage,
It'll only ever be a means to end, even our corpses will be estranged.

They only ever see eye to eye and claws to fangs,
Under clouds of fire, me and my brother will dance.

366

Although I put away his life—
An Ornament too grand
For Forehead low as mine, to wear,
This might have been the Hand

That sowed the flower, he preferred—
Or smoothed a homely pain,
Or pushed the pebble from his path—
Or played his chosen tune—

On Lute the least—the latest—
But just his Ear could know
That whatsoe’er delighted it,
I never would let go—

The foot to bear his errand—
A little Boot I know—
Would leap abroad like Antelope—
With just the grant to do—

His weariest Commandment—
A sweeter to obey,
Than “Hide and Seek”—
Or skip to Flutes—
Or all Day, chase the Bee—

Your Servant, Sir, will weary—
The Surgeon, will not come—
The World, will have its own—to do—
The Dust, will vex your Fame—

The Cold will force your tightest door
Some February Day,
But say my apron bring the sticks
To make your Cottage gay—

That I may take that promise
To Paradise, with me—
To teach the Angels, avarice,
You, Sir, taught first—to me.

They warn you about heartbreak, love, pregnancy, std, failure.
They warn you about drugs and alcohol but outcasts an issue that's major.
Self-neglect , personality crisis.
Why don't they warn you about the capabilities of losing yourself?
Maintenance of good grades, fulfilling your parents wishes, studying to become something you're not even happy about.
They do not warn you of the consistent mental breakdowns questioning yourself in doubt.
Doubting if this is the correct path for you, doubting your purpose in life.
It's a constant battle between your mind and what you truly desire.
Yet the passion within you thats an array of fire,
Shadows and demoralizes itself.
The restless nights where my mind was a battlefield with constant chaos triggered my insecurities.
Already an emotional wreck there I was losing my sanity because the bigger picture was oblivious and I couldn't see.
Became so unconfident that my work ethic decreased due to my incapability of searching for me.
Why didn't they tell you how hard you become on yourself?
How your mind is your worst enemy and no one can help. That the only one that's degrading you is yourself.
Then they persuade you to chose a field that makes money. They brainwash you into thinking your passion is inferior and belittle your struggles of doing what they demanded you to do.
An outcry for help suppresses while pretending steps into the light.
Persistently interrogated myself,
"Who are you?"
As I look at a reflection covered in incompetence and solicitude,
"You are not defined by the comparison. You are not defined by their wishes. You are not defined by the ridiculed labels."
You are what you truly aspired to be even if your aspiration is still uncertain.
You pave the road of your happiness, of your dreams, of your passion.
Aspire to become true to yourself because you hold the key to your future and that's the only thing that's certain.
Just because it took you a longer time than others doesn't mean you didn't succeed.


-dpk

It shadows a figure that's afraid to embrace their inner talents or undiscovered strengths
Fearful of the consequences of the planned mishaps and failed attempts.
It creeps in and traumatizes your character and demoralize your determination,
Sweat drips from your face, your hand soaks in fright and your body undergoes a burning sensation.
Starstruck in judgement and animosity,
Who knew that life came with a policy?
Emotions and faith consistently triggered by the inability of credibility
Eyes inflamed with tears while my mind attacks me physically
As it continue to haunt and knaw on my self esteem,
I now found the answer to why my efforts weren't deemed.
Thinking that maybe the criticism were the problem but the problem lies beneath a surface of glass,
A glass that won't allow a bullet to pierce through but enclose the demons that feed on the hope so it won't last.
Knees quivers, stumbling accelerates, panting starts to become a way of breathing,
Nervousness sinks in, failure feeds back and anxiety becomes the prominent feeling.
It's not the result that scarce the mentality, it's feeling that you're not good enough, it's seeking validation and disappointing yourself.
It's feeling worthless and useless and denying you need help.
The lack of confidence shadows a goal driven individual that misses out on opportunities in fear of not being enough.
The lack of confidence manipulates a talented soul that makes success become so rough.
Confidence become a puddle of melancholia with false hope and desired faith,
Stuck in a trans and the cycle begins again as I wait.
Wait on the moment to empower myself and encourage my abilities,
Turn my insecurities into security to soar for opportunities and amend unity.
It's time to stop waiting and breakthrough.
I believe in me.
I hold the key.
And I will let my confidence free.

-dpk