all i do is sit and wait
the feeling isn’t great
when all i do is give and you take
your energy seems fake
is what i’m doing a mistake
this feeling makes my stomach ache
when it comes to me all you do is flake

i am not quite religious
but everynight i pray to God
you continue to shine like the stars
in the night sky
knowing i am a sinner
i’ll get on my knees for you for all night
it’s such a delight
laying in bed while you hold me tight
even thought its not right
hoping it will end with us seeing the light

when we kisss i can taste the lies on your tongue
bitter sweet , it’s my favorite treat
the sweet taste of disbelief
knowing i am not the only one
because when everything is said & done
you get to shout “i won”
in this games played for two
in which i had no clue
while you let feelings brew
letting it simmer through
all no thanks to you

I was born on January 22nd , that makes me an Aquarius , which is an air sign
All I know is that it makes me a chill sign
Which is ironic because I am always dying inside
Walking around like everything is fine
I don't know how to swim and I like boys with the brightest smiles

I am still learning how to be vocal
Other times I am either too loud in quiet places
Or too quiet in loud places

that date you went on
made me cry all night long
couldnt get over the fact that you are gone
but in your game i was the pawn
but tonight i realized you were just a ******* all along

the though of you still haunts my mind
i can still feel your fingertips running down my back
crazy how you're not dead
and i can still feel your body on my bed
i just cant seem to get you out of my head
instead of staying you fled
on your side of the bed are all the tears i shed
memories of you are what i dread
all you did was mislead
while all i did was misread
my tongue holds all the things unsaid
while you leave all my texts unread

you don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me
what a shame
when you play with my feelings like a game
but i am the one to blame
cause you toy with me and its lame

i can taste the ******* on your lips when you kiss me
leaving me nothing but a bitter taste of the lies you speak
knowing that your words make me meek
& your touch makes me weak
its souch a great technique
makes my ******* leak
from the lies coming out of your mouth
making me aroused
knowing that our relationshit isn’t allowed

they say “griefing is part of life that heals you”
but if its apart of yourself that you want to ****?
because you are filled with so much guilt.
but you want to rebuild, yet feel so unfulfilled
wanting  the experince for the thrill
while being still and stagnant
forming detachments

thinking of you and i want to *****
i had such a fasination with you
such desperation
i was drunk with your ways
love is blind as they say
but you made me sick
just because you had good ****
it was all just gone to quick

a maze
my minds been in daze
where i constantly think about you and i
starring at the stars in the night sky
but then i think about the time
you broke my heart and i wanted to die
i think of you and sign in frustration
because there will never be any reconciliation
due to your unsettling ways

i have  been sad these past few days
my mind is in a daze
thoughts of you in my mind running though a maze
i think to myself this heartache is just a phase
while you leave my texts unread and keep it delayed
i sit afraid and think
letting all my feelings sink
knowing you treat my feelings like a kink

you have shattered my heart into pieces
yet my love for you increases
i’ve got to have some diseases
to be sick enough and accept this fate
to bottle up all the words i ate
and not feel hate
but to wait
for you to feel the same
in this sick sad game

i do not want a love so deep the ocean gets jealous
instead i want a love as pure as child
who loves their mother whole heartedly
to feel something so real
that can’t be concealed
it’ll help me heal

to love and not be loved in return
what a curse
that hurts
which makes my heart burst

These days have been have felt like I am stuck in a Stanley Kubrick film
Just normalizing the traumatic events
I am looking for someone who is heaven sent
Who would let me vent
And sit in my tent of emotions
Dealing with all this commotion
Of the world falling
I need something calming

if anyone knew how much i cry
they would see that my tears would
fill up oceans
because of my pent up emotions
it’ll make waves and have them crash
causing a commotion of distress
or maybe even creating a hurricane
out of all the pain
but when life’s a mess
what’s there to gain ?

i wish i had some guidance
someone to take me the right way
give me directions
i'm stuck in this maze
i'm in a daze
counting down the days
to get over this phase

at times i feel like i'm going to erupt
like a volcano
or crumble like the berlin wall
or be like humpty dumpty
and take a fall
or break into pieces like the berlin wall
but instead i stand strong like an oak
not this time i will not choke

my heart yearns for a place
where i get to call "home"
it'll be my own
just me all alone
where i can learn things and make things
be home grown
somewhere i won't feel unknown
where i can be sitting on my throne
and nothing will be destroyed like a cyclone

these days i have realized that loneliness is underrated
i have become it's mother , nurtured it
maybe even sister and brother
i have learned it's innocence
loneliness and i have grown so fondly of each other
it loves me the way no one has loved me before
it clings onto me
like a new born holds onto its mother
maybe even become it's lover
crashing into each other like rapid waves
or even drowning , maybe even dragging each other down
oh sweet loneliness
such a bitter sweet feeling
it has learned me in ways no has ever done
i wonder when will it be gone
but will this be the end
or have we become one ?
have i become lonely or has loneliness become me ?
are something? have we become a "we"?

sometimes i feel like i will erupt like the top of Mt. Evrest
or that i will fall like a broken birds nest
or fail as if life's a test
just because i feel like my life's such a mess
even when i'm trying my best
sometimes i want to permanently rest

do you ever think God gets upset when we don't love ourselves enough ?
to  think it's crazy that he's known me before i was even born .
that's true love , for someone to still love you
wether it's good or bad .

i have been destroyed
like the tower of babylon
i've fallen apart to my ruins
and there's nothing left of me but a deserted memory

Bending
Over Backwards
Knowing that not
Even Once You Would Do The Same For Me
Now I am left Severed

How could you not
Understand that even though you broke me , i
Really still
Truly love you .

When i first kissed you it felt like God created you for me

I felt like i was the other half of your rib , your eve

You held my hand with such security , the way a mother holds her baby the first time it's in her arms

We fit perfect sleeping next to each other , You were my missing puzzle piece

you were like a maze
nothing but dead ends i kept running into
i was trying to find my way out
but instead you let me get trapped inside
no exit or beginning

i always said when we kissed you i can taste the next couple years of my life

your lips held stories of our love that was yet to be told

your eyes were the window to our escape , shining so bright

your voice was my night time lullaby

your hands held the key to my heart

and you , you were just everything i have asked for and so much more

i loved you so carelessly and free
like butterflies fluttering around in a garden
my love for you was scared and reckless
like flying a plane for the first time
my only stop and destination was you
i loved you so intensely that i would drink the poison from romeo
if it meant i get to spend the rest of my life with you
i loved you the way a mother holds her
newborn child for the first time
but you ruined it , you wrecked me
you took me down like the berlin wall
now there’s nothing left of me

i thought i only read about our love in books
and saw them in movies
how messy it ended up to be.
how it shattered like a vase
there’s no way we can piece it back together
it was damaged but beautiful
like you

i got tangled in your web of lies

i was the fly that got trapped

i look at you and realize why hurricanes are named after people

you came and destroyed every bit of me

your waves just crashed into me and dragged me away

swept me away and left me deserted

there is nothing left to me

now i am an abandoned abyss

i am bad history

just a faint memory of the damages you have caused

nothing left but low tides and bad rides

Listening
Intensively to
Every
Single lie you tell

Frequently wondering what’s
Really going on
At this point and time
I’m tired and really need to
Get away before leaving without  
Looking back and pretend you don’t
Exist to me

you are fragile
and i want to pick up every broken piece
i want to mend the pieces
make you whole again

the most simple yet complex feeling ever
is this something i am afraid of
am i hiding behind this mask?
or are you hiding yourself from me?

you are my sun
you brighten up my days
you are my moon
keeping me at peace
you are the stars in my night sky
you shine on me at night
you are my entire universe

i lack the vocabulary to describe you
but if i can put words together and come up with something
i’d say you are my mona lisa
my work of art
my masterpiece
you complete me
they see you , then they see me

Mainly
Adding fuel to this
Dangerous fire inside me

your lips are full of poison
the way i taste the lies off your mouth
taste bitter
the sound of your voice while you speak those worlds of filth
make me nauseated
word *****
everything you do to me
it kills me slowly

your fingertips cut me like unswept glass every time you touch me
my ears bleed every time they hear your lies
my tongues gets sores from tasting the sourness off your mouth
my eyes cry from looking at the person standing in front of me and realizing you’re not the person you used to be before
my heart breaks from the promises you said you would fulfil but didn’t
my feet hurt from always walking the extra mile for you
my arms are sore from having them always stretched wide open waiting for you

you ever want someone to treat you the way you treat your favorite book?
but you’re not on the same page
somehow the words don’t come out his mouth
and he can’t form sentences
so the pages have nothing but nonsense
and you don’t understand it
blank page after blank page
he can’t see the value in you
how you form the  most whimsical
paragraphs
and how you got a way with words
but he’s full of typos and his sentences are all over the place
you’re a best seller and he’s a flop

your name will always be a reminder
as to why storms are named after people
you came and destroyed me
flooded my soul with your waves
of distruction
washing me away
took everything i had and you wrecked it
full force and left no trace of who i was behind
but a rememberence of who you were and what you did

when i see toilet paper i think of you
because you’re so full of ****
and i want to wipe away all the
filth and lies that you have
and flush you down the toilet so you can disappear